Often, when someone with Alzheimer's disease is in a more advanced stage, their family members are no longer able to care for them. They may need to bring someone to help them at home or move them to a long-term care facility. If you are the primary caregiver for this person, you may feel guilty about asking for help. You may be overwhelmed by thoughts like, "Did I not take good care of them?" or "Am I abandoning them?" But let's look at how to overcome these feelings and do what is best for you and your loved one.
First believe that this is the best thing.
I know it's not easy to decide to seek help from someone else. But you probably have many reasons for making that decision. Think about it for a moment.
Simply put, you are not a professional health worker. So you may lack the knowledge and skills of someone who has training and experience in that field. As Alzheimer's disease progresses, some patients may exhibit aggressive behavior and wander off. A care facility is better equipped to deal with these safety issues. Also, there are no dangerous things like stairs and gas stoves in homes.
Sometimes Alzheimer's patients listen to outsiders more than to their own family members. If you had a daily battle with something like taking a bath, it might be easier to do it when someone new comes along.
Most importantly, when you step away from the caregiver role for a while, you get the chance to be that person's child, spouse, or partner again. It's a great relief for both of you to be able to talk to each other in a loving way, free from the pressure of everyday life.
Please research carefully before seeking help.
Find out as much information as you can about the care options, facilities, and staff in your area. Once you've made a well-informed decision, your fear and guilt will be greatly reduced, and you'll feel more in control.
| Option to consider | Things to look for |
|---|---|
| If you are referred to a care facility |
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| If you are bringing in an in-home helper |
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Forgive yourself and your loved one.
It's normal to feel angry and frustrated with your caregiver at times. You may feel resentful about having to make difficult decisions about their care. Alzheimer's disease can make them talk to you harshly and hurt you. Try to understand that it's all because of the disease, not because of something in their mind . Also, forgive yourself.
You may feel like, 'I could have done more.' You may feel guilty about the negative thoughts that come to mind, or the relief you feel when you get help. Remember, you are human too. Mistakes happen, emotions arise. Your health and happiness are just as important as the person you care for.
Give yourself time to adjust to the change.
It will take some time for both of you to get used to this new way of life. That's normal. You can help make this transition smooth.
- If someone new comes to the house: Your loved one may not be happy to have a "stranger" in the house at first. So, be with them for the first few days. Let them get to know each other. Explain to the new person how you usually do things.
- If you're going to a foster home: Visit them regularly for the first few weeks. This will help them feel less like they've been abandoned. You can also make sure they're adjusting to their new environment.
- Build a relationship with new caregivers: Get to know the staff at the care center well. Tell them about your loved one's preferences, habits, and needs. Then you can provide them with good service. When you build a good relationship in this way, you will also have the confidence that 'my person is in a good place, in good hands.'
Get support from others.
This is not a burden to be borne alone.
Find someone you can talk to about what you're going through. This could be a trusted friend, family member, or a therapist. Sharing your feelings with someone else can be a great relief.
Involve other family members in these decisions. Also, there are support groups where other caregivers have had similar experiences. If you join one, you will realize that you are not alone. You will be able to get a lot of practical advice and mental strength from them.
Take-Home Message
- Getting outside help for your loved one with Alzheimer's is not abandoning him or her. It can be the best thing you can do for the patient and for yourself.
- It's normal to feel guilty. But don't let that feeling control your life. Accept that you're human too.
- Before choosing any treatment option, research it carefully and make an informed decision. Seek the advice of your doctor.
- Your mental and physical health is just as important as the health of your loved one. Only if you are well can you help others.
- Don't go through this journey alone. Get help from family, friends, and, if necessary, professional support groups.
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