It's hard to put into words the sadness you feel when you see your mother, father, or someone you love slowly forgetting everything. Maybe they don't even remember you. At a time like this, you may wonder how you can reconnect with them and bring them joy. This is a real challenge. But, even if the memory is gone, the love and joy in that heart will not disappear. Today we are talking about some beautiful and creative ways to reconnect with your loved one who is living with dementia.
Let's awaken the mind, not the memory: Let's weave a story
With dementia conditions like Alzheimer's disease, remembering old things can sometimes be stressful for them. They may feel uncomfortable when asked questions like, "Do you remember that?" or "Who is this?" Instead, how about we use their thinking, or imagination, to create something new?
This is called art-based programming like ``TimeSlips.`` It's very simple.
1. Choose a beautiful picture: For young children, it's best to choose a picture of animals, because such pictures can evoke emotions in them.
2. Start asking questions: "What is happening in this picture?", "Who do you think this is?", "What does this place smell like?", "What sounds do you hear?" Ask questions like this.
3. There is no wrong answer: This is the most important thing. Any answer they give is correct. They may say something that has nothing to do with the picture. But include that in the story. Don't judge them.
4. Build the story: Get ideas from everyone, put them all together, and build a beautiful story. As they read the story little by little, they will be very happy and interested in it.
This method brings out the creative potential in their minds without putting pressure on their memory. In that moment, they feel appreciated and have value.
Shall we join a Memory Café?
A `Memory Café` is not just a place to drink coffee. It is a special program designed for people with dementia and their caregivers to come together and enjoy time together. Although these are not very common in Sri Lanka, you can start something like this with your own small group at a place in your area, such as a nursing home, temple, or church, with mutual consent.
Imagine, in a place like this, people gather and, as I mentioned earlier, look at a picture and create a story. Some people sing a song, others share their experiences. The most important thing is that everyone there understands each other's situation.
There is no shame or sadness for them, saying, "I can't remember things now." Instead, they feel proud of the abilities they still have. This is a great mental strength for them.
Let's change the questions we ask.
When talking to someone with dementia, we tend to ask limited questions. For example, "Do you want bread? Rice?" "Should we watch TV? Should we go for a walk?" While these questions are convenient for everyday tasks, they don't help to build a heartfelt connection.
Instead, let's ask them "good questions" that speak to their hearts and make them think. There are no right or wrong answers to these questions. They are free to think and say whatever they want.
Look at this table. You'll see the difference.
| Commonly asked limited questions | Beautiful questions that make you think |
|---|---|
| do you remember me? | What's the best advice someone has ever given you? |
| Do you want some tea? | What kind of sound do you hear now? |
| Do you like this song? | If you could fly, where would you like to go? |
| how are you today? | If you had a superpower, what would it be? |
When you ask a question like this, the beautiful thoughts in their minds come out. Maybe their answer will surprise you!
More creative things
- Listen to music: They like to play old songs. They may start humming, clapping, or even dancing to the songs. Music can bring back forgotten feelings.
- Watch a movie together: Watch a beautiful, colorful, happy old movie together. A movie with songs like 'Sound of Music' is even better.
- Ask for help with easy tasks: Involve them in simple tasks like cleaning vegetables or watering a flower. When you ask, "Can you help me with this?", they feel like they're still useful.
Cherish every moment.
Your loved one may have forgotten who they are and who you are. But they still feel emotions . When you are near them, when you hold their hand, they feel love, security, and comfort.
Remember, you are trying to connect with his heart, not his memories.
Instead of mourning the talents they have lost, celebrate the talents they still have. Appreciate their smile, their look, even the little words they say. Sometimes it's exhausting to take care of them. But see this as an opportunity to connect more deeply with your best friend, your loved one.
If you or your loved one has any doubts or questions about the symptoms of dementia, please consult your family doctor (GP) for advice. He or she will be able to provide you with the right guidance.
Take-Home Message
- Instead of asking someone with dementia, "Do you remember?", ask them questions that provoke their thinking and make them think.
- Give them a beautiful picture and help them create a story from it. Remember that there are no wrong answers.
- Let them listen to old songs they love. Music can evoke emotions and memories.
- Instead of grieving for what they have lost, celebrate their present moment. Your love, touch, and presence are their greatest comfort.
- If you are feeling overwhelmed or stressed about this, ask for help. Talk to your doctor, family, or friends. It is important that you take care of yourself too.
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