Does your beloved husband or wife, who used to be so happy and fun, now feel like a completely different person? Is he always sad, thoughtful, and uninterested in anything? Does talking to him or her always end in a fight? This situation can be very painful for both of you. When one person in a relationship suffers like this, both of you feel the effects. Often, the cause of this can be depression, or the mental illness we all know as `(Depression)`.
Does depression really cause divorce?
Simply put, no. Depression itself is not a direct cause of divorce. However, the consequences of not getting the necessary treatment, not talking about it, and ignoring it can be a major cause of relationship breakdown.
Imagine, a person suffering from depression often withdraws from everything. He doesn't feel like going to work, he doesn't feel like doing household chores, he doesn't even have any interest in talking to friends or being happy with you. Sometimes this withdrawal can even lead to other relationships outside of the relationship. Then the other person may think, "He's bored with me." But that's not the truth. The reason for that behavior is the illness.
The important thing is that depression is not a weakness or something you do on purpose. It is a condition that can affect anyone and can be treated.
How two people live under one roof
This is a very difficult experience for both the person with depression and for you, who are living with it. Understanding the feelings of both of you can go a long way in resolving the issue.
| Partner with depression | The other partner (you) |
|---|---|
| I feel bored with everything. I have no interest or joy in anything. I am always tired. | At first, I feel very sad and sorry. I try to make him happy. |
| You may not be able to sleep at all, or you may sleep too much. You may lose your appetite or be tempted to overeat. | I have to take on all the responsibilities of the house and the children all by myself. I gradually start to feel tired and exhausted. |
| I feel guilty, "I caused all this." But I can't see a way out of it. | Things like "Why can't he just get over it?" and "Why don't you try a little harder?" come to mind. Anger and frustration arise. |
| The desire to have sex decreases. You feel like no one loves you. | You feel like you're being rejected. You feel lonely and empty. You lament, "How happy we used to be." |
How does love turn into anger?
Over time, you may find yourself unable to cope with this situation. It's very normal. When your partner refuses to do things you used to do together (watch a movie, go shopping, meet friends), you feel lonely. You have to do those things alone or stay home.
When you don't understand this situation, you may think, "There's nothing wrong with our marriage, why is this happening to him?" But sometimes the cause of depression can be something external (losing a job, dying in the family). Other times, it can be caused by unspoken problems in the marriage.
How can I get help with this?
Rather than trying to solve this on your own, it's best to seek professional help.
1. See a Doctor: The first thing to do is to talk to your family doctor about these symptoms. He or she can determine if this is depression or another medical condition. If necessary, they can refer you to a psychiatrist.
2. Counseling/Therapy: Talking to a counselor can help identify the underlying issues that are causing this condition.
- Individual Therapy: This helps the person suffering from depression to talk about their feelings freely.
- Couple Therapy: It is best if both parties can attend together. The counselor will then help build communication between the two and help them understand each other. This is not a place to blame, but a place to solve problems.
3. Medication: In some cases, along with counseling, your doctor may recommend antidepressant medications . These medications help to restore the chemical imbalance in the brain and control symptoms. This can help you recover faster.
True story...
Do you know what happened to the young couple who had just had a baby? The mother suffered from postpartum depression. When they went to counseling, she talked about her fears and insecurities about becoming a mother. The husband’s problem was that his home was not in order. As they talked about these issues, the wife’s depression gradually improved. Their relationship became stronger than ever.
Take-Home Message
- Depression is not a weakness, it is a treatable condition. Don't be ashamed of it.
- When one partner in a marriage experiences depression, it's both their problem. Don't suffer alone.
- Avoid blaming your partner. Understand and support them.
- Open communication between the two of you is very important. Talk about your feelings in a loving and honest way.
- If this situation is difficult to bear, seek advice from a doctor or psychiatrist immediately. With proper treatment, you can both be happy again.
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