How to discipline your child? Let's talk about this!

As parents, one of our biggest responsibilities is to raise our children with good discipline and good habits. But sometimes this is not as easy as we think, is it? Especially for a young child, explaining 'don't do this' and 'don't do that' can be a big challenge. Sometimes we wonder how to make a young child understand these things. Today, let's talk about how to discipline your child in a loving but firm way that is age-appropriate, just like talking to a friend.

Why is consistency so important in practicing discipline?

When it comes to discipline, the first word to remember is consistency . Simply put, the rules and instructions you give your child should always be the same. If you say one thing today and another tomorrow, or if mom says one thing and dad says another, what does your child think? They get very confused. They may think, 'Oh, this isn't such a big deal,' and ignore the rules.

Imagine, today you say 'don't put the toys in the living room', but tomorrow if dad doesn't say anything about it, or you forget it yourself, it's hard for the little one to understand. Children are very good at picking up on these kinds of things. Therefore, it's very important that you and your husband/wife agree on some common rules and that you enforce them consistently every day. Then the child understands 'this is the right way, this is the order of our house'. This consistency gives the child a sense of security, because he knows what to expect and what the limits are.

How to discipline children between the ages of 0-2?

Children at this age are very curious. When they see new things in the world, they want to touch everything and put it in their mouths. This is the time when they are exploring their world. So before we teach them discipline, we need to make the environment safe for them. That is the best way to reduce the need for them to hear the word 'no' all the time.

Should we keep dangerous things and things that say 'don't touch' away?

If you have a toddler in your home who is crawling or walking, the first thing you need to do is to keep things that could be dangerous to him, or that we often tell him not to touch, out of his reach. This is called 'child-proofing'.

Think about it, televisions, video equipment, stereo wires, your valuable jewelry, especially medicines, cleaning liquids (e.g., Harpic, bleach), all of these are things that little ones might want to touch. Also, sharp objects (scissors, knives), toys that can break into small pieces, and plastic bags should be kept away from them. It is also a good idea to put protective covers on electrical outlets.

"Making the environment safe is much better than always saying 'no, no'. Then the child will play freely, and you can also have peace of mind."

For example, when Nilu's baby started running, the first thing she did was remove the low glass teapot in the living room and put a small lock on the medicine cabinet in the kitchen. That way, there's less fear of the baby getting hurt, right?

Saying 'no', distracting (Distraction)

However, no matter how careful you are, sometimes your child may wander into something dangerous. In such a case, the best thing to do is to calmly but firmly say, "No, son/daughter," and remove him/her from that place. Then, redirect his/her attention to something else that is good and safe. This is called distraction .

• How do you distract yourself?
• Give him a toy he likes. "Here, look at your beautiful ball."
• Sing a little song with him, or play a game of clapping.
• Point to the light from the window and say something like, "Look, there's a beautiful bird over there."
• Take them to another room and use them for something else. "Shall we go and read a book?"

The most important thing is to say 'no' in a firm, clear voice, without being harsh. Young children can hear the difference in tone of voice very well. If you say it calmly but firmly, it will be more effective.

Is the 'time-out' method suitable for young children?

For a toddler who has skipped a year and is starting to understand a little, usually after 1.5 or 2 years, a method called 'time-out' can be used to help stop some bad behaviors (e.g., intentionally hitting, chewing, throwing things). But this is something that needs to be understood and done correctly.

• What types of behavior can be given a 'time-out'?
• If you hit or bite another child.
• If food or drink is deliberately thrown away.
• If you keep doing something you say no to.
• How do you give a 'time-out'?

1. First, tell him/her in a few simple words what he/she did wrong and why it was wrong. For example, "It's not right to hit others, son/daughter." Don't be harsh or scold him/her.

2. Then, take him to a quiet, non-boring place that you have previously prepared (e.g. a kitchen chair, the bottom of a staircase, a small mat placed a little away from the play area). This is not a place to punish, but a place to calm down a bit and think about what he did.

3. Leave it there for a minute or two . It doesn't make sense for a young child to stay there any longer. A general rule of thumb is one minute for every year of the child's age. (Example: 2 minutes for a 2-year-old child). If you leave it there for any longer than that, it can feel like a punishment and the child may become even angrier.

4. When the 'time-out' is over, don't try to do it again. Pick him up lovingly, ask, "Are you calm now?", and then engage him in something else positive. If he's calmed down, give him a little cuddle and say lovingly, "Please don't do that again, okay?"

"Remember, 'time-out' is not about scolding a child out of anger. It's a way to help them control their emotions, calm down, and try to make them understand that what they did was wrong."

"This method may not be very understandable for babies under 1.5 - 2 years old. The distraction method discussed earlier is better for them."

Hitting and slapping is not good at all!

This is something that many parents need to take into account, and it is very important. It is not good to give physical punishment to a child of any age, such as hitting, slapping, slapping, or pinching the ear. Especially for children between the ages of 0-2, they cannot understand any connection between their behavior and physical punishment. They only feel pain and fear.

• What happens when you hit?
• The child is scared. He may even start to be scared when he sees you.
• The child may become aggressive (they also tend to hit and hurt when problems arise).
• The loving bond between you and your child is damaged. Trust is diminished.
• The child may think, 'It's okay to get hurt when someone makes a mistake' or 'It's okay for older people to hit younger people'.
• Even though the misbehavior may seem to have stopped at that point, the child is not learning a lesson from it. He is learning how to do this without getting caught by mom/dad.

"Most of the time, parents hit their children when they can't control their anger or lose their patience. But that doesn't do the child any good. Instead, calm down a bit yourself, take a deep breath, and use a different method. If necessary, leave the area for a while, and talk to the child again when you've calmed down."

Can we also be a good role model? (Role Modeling)

Children learn by what we do, not by what we say. That's what role modeling is all about. Parents are their first and greatest role models. They are like sponges, absorbing everything we do and say.

• If you shout at your child to 'put away the toys' and leave your newspapers, books, and clothes everywhere, what will the child learn? 'Oh, they don't do what mom/dad say,' right?
• If you shout when you get angry, slam doors, or throw things, your child will learn to do the same things.
• If you use words like 'excuse me', 'thank you', and 'please', and respect others, your child will automatically learn those words and behaviors.

"Therefore, the good habits we try to teach our children, we must first practice ourselves. If we keep our belongings tidy, if we eat properly when we eat, if we use good words when we speak, the child will also take that example (Role Model). This is a more powerful way to practice discipline than you might think."

Appreciate good things (Positive Reinforcement)

Discipline is not just about punishing mistakes. Praising a child for even the smallest good thing they do, that is, giving them positive reinforcement , is very important in practicing discipline. This helps the child understand what is right and what we expect from them.

• Imagine, if your little one finishes playing and puts one toy back in the box, and says, "Oh my son/daughter, that's great!" with a little smile, that would mean a lot to them.
• If you ask for food and eat it, and say, "Look, my child is eating beautifully," he will be more eager to do that good thing again.
• If they do something small that you ask them to do, say, "Well done, son/daughter, for helping mom/dad."

"By giving attention and praise to good behavior rather than giving attention to bad behavior, the child is more likely to do good things."

"For children of this age, your smile, your loving words, even a small clap of hands are a great encouragement. This also develops their self-esteem."

Tantrums and discipline in toddlers

Around the age of one and a half to two years, many toddlers start to cry loudly, roll over, scream, and bang their heads on the wall over even the smallest things. This is what we call 'tantrums' or temper tantrums. Parents can get angry and upset when they see these.

• Why do little ones do this?
• At this age, they can't properly express their big emotions – anger, frustration, sadness – in words. So they let it out in this way.
• Frustration comes when you want something and don't get it.
• Things like fatigue, hunger, and sleepiness can also cause this.
• Sometimes, they may even learn that this is a way to get what they want (if they get what they want by crying and screaming).
• What do you do when you have a tantrum?

1. Stay calm: If you get upset or yell, the situation could get worse. Take a deep breath.

2. Make sure the child is safe: Make sure he is in a place where he won't hurt himself. If there are any sharp objects nearby, remove them.

3. Ignore if possible: If the child is safe, sometimes the best thing to do is not to pay too much attention to their behavior at that time. If you try to react too much (scold, argue, maybe give in to what they ask for), they may use it to get attention again or get what they want.

4. After the tantrum: When he calms down, talk to him in a loving way. Show that you understand his feelings, such as "You were really angry, weren't you?" Explain simply, "But you should have told mom/dad instead of yelling." Hug him lovingly.

"Not every tantrum is a child's misbehavior. It's part of the development of this age. It's important that we act patiently, understandingly, and firmly at that time."

Finally, some important things to remember

So, disciplining your little one is a big journey. It's not something you can do overnight. The most important things are love, patience, and consistency.

• Be loving, but firm: Explain your rules lovingly, but be firm in enforcing them. Don't let your child have any doubts about your love.
• Age-appropriate: Use age-appropriate methods, not the way a two-year-old would understand.
• Patience, patience, patience: Some things take time for a child to learn. Little changes will happen day by day. Don't worry.
• Be a Role Model: Your child learns the most from what they see from you.
• Avoid hitting or threatening: they do more harm than good. Instead, use positive methods.
• Appreciate good things (Positive Reinforcement): Appreciate even small good things. It will encourage them.
• You are not alone: ​​All parents face these challenges. If necessary, seek medical advice, advice from a family health worker, or advice from a trusted adult.

Raising a child is not an easy thing, but it is a beautiful and precious responsibility. I sincerely wish you the strength to make this journey a success!

` Child Discipline, disciplining children, Time-out, Positive Discipline, Parents, Young children, Behavior, Role Model, Consistency, Tantrums