Does your little one cry while you're getting ready for work in the morning? Or does he follow you to the kitchen or the bathroom and stand by the door crying? You're probably familiar with these kinds of things. In fact, this is something that worries many mothers and fathers. "Why is my baby doing this?", "Am I doing something wrong?" You've probably wondered. But don't worry. This is a very normal stage of baby development in most cases. Let's talk about it today.
Simply put, what is separation anxiety?
Separation Anxiety, or as we say in Sinhala, "பெர்வாத்தியான் விள்ளியான்" is when your baby or toddler cries and gets upset when you are away from them for even a short time. This is a very normal stage of child development . It usually starts when the baby is between 6 and 12 months old. It gradually disappears by about 3 years of age.
Why does this happen? Think about it, the youngest babies, even if they can't see something, don't have the ability to understand that it's still there. In medicine, we call this the concept of 'object permanence'. Simply put, when you leave the room, the baby thinks that you'll never come back. So they get scared. When their protective person is gone, they feel very insecure. That's why they cry like that.
But as your baby grows, he or she will understand that you will be gone for a while and then come back. He or she will learn that this separation is temporary. So, if your baby cries when you leave, it is actually a sign of a strong bond between you and your baby . So don't worry about it. This is just a phase that your baby will go through after a while.
Importantly, there are two types of anxiety disorders: Separation Anxiety and Stranger Anxiety. Stranger Anxiety is when a child becomes afraid of strangers. It is also a normal part of a child's development.
Does your baby have this condition? Here's how to recognize it
See if your little one does these things. These are the main symptoms of Separation Anxiety.
| Characteristic/Behavior | A simple explanation of how it happens |
|---|---|
| Crying when you're out of sight | Even if you disappear for a short time, like when you go to another room or the kitchen, the baby will get upset and start crying. |
| Tantrums when leaving | When you try to go to work or go out, you roll around on the floor, screaming, struggling, and crying loudly. |
| Hanging on your own body | It doesn't want to let you go. It tries to cling to your clothes and legs. It won't let you go. |
| Crying when dropped off at daycare or elsewhere | The baby cries a lot when left with someone to take care of him, with the grandparents, or at daycare. |
| Having you nearby when you sleep | When your baby sleeps, he insists on being close to you. He doesn't want to sleep alone without you. |
These behaviors usually disappear by the age of 2 or 3. But remember, not all children are the same. Some children may take a little longer to get out of this stage.
When does this situation become 'abnormal'?
If this separation anxiety continues after the child starts preschool, especially if it interferes with the child's schoolwork, it may be something beyond normal.
If this condition persists beyond the age of 3, it may be a sign of a mental condition called Separation Anxiety Disorder . This is a condition that is inappropriate for the child's age and can affect their social and mental health.
Think about it this way. It's normal for your child to cry on the first day of a new school because they can't leave you. But after a day or two, they should get used to the new environment and stop crying. Otherwise, if they cry every morning for weeks because they can't go to school, it could be a sign of Separation Anxiety Disorder.
If your child is over 3 years old and you think that separation from you is causing him or her too much stress to handle, the best thing to do is to talk to your doctor about it. Be clear about what your child is saying and how he or she is behaving. The doctor can then decide if this is normal or if there is a condition that needs treatment.
How to deal with this? What you can do as a parent
You may feel very sad when your baby cries and is sad because you can't leave him. But there are some simple things you can do to manage this. These can make this time easier for both your baby and you.
1. Keep the goodbye short and friendly.
When you leave your child, don't linger on saying goodbye. Saying "Oh, my son, don't cry" over and over again will only make the child more anxious. Instead, say goodbye briefly and lovingly . Smile, say "Mommy, I'll be right back," and give him a kiss. Your child will calm down after you leave. Don't try to sneak away. If you do, your child will lose trust and start to be afraid the next time you leave.
2. Introduce the child to a new caregiver
If you are leaving your baby with a new caregiver, don't leave them all at once. Let the caregiver spend a day or two with you. This will help the baby get used to the new person and make them feel safe when you are away.
3. Do Trial Runs
Before leaving your child alone for the whole day, try leaving them for a short period of time, like an hour or two. Even if you don't have a special trip, take a short trip, like going to the store. This will give your child a chance to get used to you coming and going. And you can also take some time for yourself!
4. Establish a routine and stick to it.
Follow the same routine every time you leave your child. For example, tell your child a story or play a game before you leave. This routine helps your child know what to expect next. This can help reduce anxiety.
5. Speak in a language the child understands.
Tell your child when you will be back. Keep your word. Then your child will start to trust you. Since they don't understand the time on a clock, say things they understand, such as "Mommy, I will come back when you finish eating in the evening" or "I will come back as soon as you wake up from sleep." Make your child understand that your coming and going is normal and nothing to be afraid of.
When your baby cries, you may think it's because of you. But remember: It's not your fault. This crying and clinging are normal developmental behaviors for young children. Don't feel guilty about going to work or going to the bathroom. Your baby will calm down after you leave. Over time, he'll get used to your presence.
Take-Home Message
- It 's completely normal for most babies (usually between 6 months and 3 years old) to experience separation anxiety. It's an important step in their development.
- Your child cries when you leave not because you are a bad mother or father, but because there is a strong, loving bond between the two of you.
- When saying goodbye to your child, keep it short, happy, and consistent . Never sneak away. That breaks the child's trust.
- If your child is over 3 years old and this anxiety is severely affecting his daily life (especially going to school), be sure to talk to your doctor about it.
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