There is no greater pain than watching the most important person in your life, your spouse, slowly forget you. Alzheimer's disease is not just a memory loss disease. It is a challenging and overwhelming experience for the entire family, especially for you who are caring for them. This journey is difficult, but you are not alone. Let's talk about this.
Why is it so difficult to care for someone with Alzheimer's?
You've probably heard the saying on a plane, "Put your oxygen mask on before helping someone else." This saying applies equally to you caring for someone with Alzheimer's. Because you can only take good care of your partner if you are healthy and happy.
Caring for someone with dementia, like Alzheimer's, is much more intense than caring for someone with any other illness. You have to dedicate many hours of your day, perhaps years, to them. The mental and physical stress that this causes is very high.
Studies have even shown that being well-informed about the disease, seeking counseling, and having a good support system can greatly help reduce your stress and balance your life.
But this is a little harder for those who care for Alzheimer's patients. They think about themselves much less. Because of this, they face a lot of health risks.
| Major stressors for caregivers | |
|---|---|
| Economic difficulties | Unable to go to work and reduced income due to the long hours it takes to care for the patient. |
| Frequent fear | Fear of losing one's loved one. |
| Family matters | Less time spent with other family members, not being able to take a vacation. |
| Balancing responsibilities | Loss of balance between caring for the patient and other family responsibilities. |
This stress can also make you more likely to develop conditions like depression and anxiety. It can also increase your risk of physical illnesses like high blood pressure, diabetes, weight gain and loss, and sleep problems. Some studies suggest that you may also be at risk for cognitive decline in the future.
The most important thing is that you take care of yourself (Self-Care)
Amidst all these challenges, it is essential that you take care of yourself. Remember, you can only win this battle if you stay strong.
- Take care of your health: Don't miss your annual physical . If you have any health concerns , talk to your doctor about them. Don't put off tests like a mammogram or colonoscopy.
- Good diet and exercise: Eat nutritious foods that you enjoy. Taking a brisk walk every day can help control your blood pressure, increase your energy, and reduce stress.
- Rest is essential: Take short breaks from caring for the patient. Find some time to do something you enjoy, a hobby that brings you joy.
- Ask for help: If you are unfamiliar with legal or financial matters, seek advice from someone, such as a lawyer, who can help you.
- Join a support group: Talking to people who have been through the same things as you can be a great source of comfort. Groups like these can help you learn how to cope with your problems.
How do you deal with these feelings?
When your partner has Alzheimer's, it's normal to feel like your whole world has turned upside down. You may no longer be able to do the things you used to do together. You may have to take on a lot of new responsibilities. You may feel a variety of emotions along the way. The important thing is not to hide those feelings, but to acknowledge them.
Guilt
Maybe you feel bad about past fights with your partner. Or maybe you feel guilty for wishing you had more time to think about yourself. Remember, no one is perfect . You're doing the best you can.
Grief and Sadness
It's normal to feel like the person you love is slowly disappearing, to feel sad about the life you dreamed of together. Don't hold this sadness in. Let it go. Talk about it with someone you trust.
Anger and Frustration
Sometimes, you may feel angry because of your partner's behavior, and because you have no one to help you. This frustration is even greater when you are stressed. At times like these, step away from the situation for a while, take a deep breath, and calm down . Forgive yourself.
Lack of Appreciation
It can be very painful when you do so much and your partner doesn't understand or even thank you. But remember, with this disease, it can be difficult for them to even accept help from others. So, be happy with what you do. Keep a journal of what you do. When you look back on it, you will feel proud of yourself.
Don't be alone, ask for help.
Your friends and family may not know how to help you, or you may not want to bother them. But don't try to go through this journey alone.
- Give your friends and relatives a call, send them a message. Share what's on your mind.
- Don't be afraid to ask for help. Whether you need a ride to the doctor or help making a meal, ask for it directly.
- Encourage your partner's friends to stay in touch with him/her as well.
Planning for the future is essential.
Even if you are healthy today, we don't know what will happen in the future. What if you suddenly can't take care of him? That's why it's so important to have a plan in advance.
1. Prepare legal documents: Talk to a lawyer and discuss things like granting someone you trust the power of attorney to make decisions about your partner's medical and financial affairs in the event you are unable to make decisions yourself.
2. Keep a notebook: Write down your partner's important phone numbers, his/her favorite foods, and how to calm him/her down, and keep it in an easy-to-find place.
3. Research alternatives: If you are unable to care for your child, research and record information about adult day care centers or nursing homes that can care for him/her.
This is a long, arduous journey, but with the right awareness, support, and self-care, you will find the strength to face this challenge.
Take-Home Message
- Before helping your partner, take care of your own health and well-being. Just like putting on an oxygen mask.
- It's normal to feel feelings of guilt, anger, and sadness. Acknowledge those feelings and try to deal with them.
- You are not alone. Never hesitate to ask for help from family, friends, and professional advisors.
- If you are unable to provide care for any reason, plan ahead to secure your partner's future.
- Stay in regular contact with your doctor and check on your physical and mental health.
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