Talkative at home, but quiet at school? This could be Selective Mutism!

Does your child, who is always running around and playing at home and outdoing everyone else with his talkativeness, suddenly become silent like a stone statue at school, at a relative's house, or when he meets someone new? No matter how much you ask him to speak, does he just stay quiet and stay to himself, as if he is afraid? Many parents think that this is the child's shyness or stubbornness, but it could be something deeper than that. Today we are talking about this 'selective silence' or, medically, Selective Mutism .

Simply put, what is Selective Mutism?

Selective mutism is an anxiety disorder that affects children. In this condition, the child can speak well, but in certain social situations (for example, at school, in front of relatives) they completely lose the ability to speak.

At home, in an environment where they feel familiar and safe (with mom, dad, siblings), these children are very talkative. But when they go outside that environment, for example, when they go to the classroom, when the teacher asks a question, they become completely silent. Sometimes they may whisper so softly that only a friend can hear them.

What are the main characteristics of a child with Selective Mutism?

These characteristics may vary from child to child, but there are a few things that can be seen in common.

• Speaking normally in familiar environments: At home, I can speak with my parents and siblings without any problems.
• Not speaking in certain social situations: Talking stops completely in places like school, at parties, or in front of relatives.
• Showing signs of anxiety: The child is afraid and restless when unable to speak. Some cling to their mother or father. Facial expressions change, they look as if they are frozen.
• Using things instead of words: Even though they can't speak, they try to communicate by nodding their heads, pointing, or writing.
• This situation lasts for more than a month: It's normal for a child to be quiet for a while during the first month of a new school. However, if this silence continues for more than a month, it's something to be concerned about.

Is this just shame? Or is it something more?

This is the biggest problem that many people have. Many parents think, "My child is so shy, that's why he doesn't talk." But Selective Mutism and general shyness are two different things.

Imagine, when a shy child goes to a new place, they are quiet at first, but after a while they get used to the environment, they gradually start talking. But a child with Selective Mutism cannot do that. In that environment, they completely lose the ability to speak. It is something beyond their control.

Is this autism? Or is it a speech delay?

This is also a place where many people get confused.

• Autism: Some children with autism may have speech delays or nonverbal behaviors. However, autism is a broader developmental disorder than an anxiety disorder. It can also include other symptoms, such as difficulty understanding social cues, sensory issues, and repetitive behaviors. Children with Selective Mutism are usually able to understand the facial expressions and emotions of others.
• Language Delay: If a two-year-old child doesn't speak a single word, we can consider it a language delay. But if a six-year-old child speaks well at home but only at school, it is more likely to be Selective Mutism.

Why do children get this condition?

The exact cause of this has not yet been found, but researchers believe that several factors may contribute to it.

• Tendency to Anxiety: Many of these children are born with a tendency to social anxiety.
• Family history: Someone in the family, especially parents, has anxiety disorders or extreme shyness.
• Speech and language problems: Some children may have a speech disorder or language problem, which can make them afraid of speaking in front of others.
• Sensitive issues: Some children have difficulty coping with crowds and loud noises. In such environments, they become silent as a way to protect themselves.

How does a doctor accurately diagnose this condition?

If you suspect your child has these symptoms, the best thing to do is to see a pediatrician.

The doctor follows several steps to diagnose this condition.

1. Physical examination: First, tests are performed to ensure that there are no physical problems with the child's hearing and speech organs (mouth, tongue, vocal cords).

2. Developmental Questions: You will be asked detailed questions about your child's development, behavior patterns, and family history from birth to now.

3. Referral to a Speech Therapist: You may be referred to a Speech-Language Pathologist to assess your child's speech and language skills.

4. Support from a mental health professional: Since this condition is related to anxiety, it is very important to refer the child to a psychologist or psychiatrist who is experienced in child mental health. They are the ones who can confirm that this condition is indeed Selective Mutism and develop a treatment plan that is appropriate for the child.

How can you help as a parent or teacher?

The support of parents, teachers, and family is essential in treating this condition.

What parents can do:

• Understanding: The first thing to understand is that this is not a case of stubbornness on the part of the child, but rather that he is saying something different due to uncontrollable anxiety.
• Don't force: Never force your child to talk. Doing so will only increase the child's anxiety. Don't say things like, "Open your mouth and talk!"
• Be patient: This condition takes time to heal. Be patient with your child. Praise his small successes (e.g., smiling at someone, nodding his head).
• Follow medical advice: Follow the instructions given by your child's doctor and therapist exactly.

What teachers can do:

• Don't ignore your child: Even if your child isn't talking, understand that he or she is in class and paying attention to the lessons.
• Providing alternative methods: Allow alternative methods such as writing, drawing, or nodding to answer questions.
• Creating a safe environment: Create an environment in which your child feels safe in class. Have them sit next to a trusted friend.
• Awareness: Explain this situation to other children in a simple way, and encourage them to help this child and not to isolate him.

What siblings and friends can do:

• Don't isolate: Don't isolate your child, include him in the games. Even if he doesn't talk, he can still play.
• Protection from bullying: If other children are making fun of this child with names like "dumb", speak up against it and inform the teachers.
• Helping: When the child needs to say something, help them say it for them (with the child's consent).

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