How do you deal with your emotions? (Emotional Reactions) Let's talk about this!

Imagine this: It's Friday, the last period of school. You're on a weekend trip with a friend, and you're only 4 hours away from starting. You've been working hard all week, finishing your homework, and you're ready to relax. Then the teacher tells you that you have a test on Monday! How does that feel?

You may feel very anxious, or very angry. You may even feel sad. You may also feel a lot of pressure and burden, like, "Oh, how am I going to study this now?"

But, how do you respond to this? What do you do, what do you say?

You might suddenly feel like standing up and yelling at the teacher, "That's so unfair! Some of us have plans for the weekend." But you know you should keep your mouth shut until the end of class – and then you can talk to your friend about this.

But what if you're not the type of person who can calm down and stay calm? Don't worry. Anyone can learn to respond well to strong emotions. Some people just need a little more practice, that's all.

Shall we learn to respond well?

Dealing with emotions properly is, simply put, about choosing how and when to express our feelings.

People who are good at managing their emotions know that expressing their feelings is healthy – but how and when to do it is also important. As a result, they are able to respond effectively in any situation:

• They know that they can choose how they respond, rather than letting their emotions control them and saying or doing things they will later regret.
• They have a good understanding of when to speak up and when to wait a little longer before reacting to what they feel.
• They know that their response will affect what happens next – including how others treat them and what they think of themselves.

You've probably seen someone get overly emotional, acting in a way that upsets you or makes you feel ashamed of them. You've probably also remembered times when your own emotions were so strong that you had to use all your willpower to keep from going down that path.

Maybe you remember a time when you couldn't control your reaction. Maybe fear, anger, or frustration took over. It's different for everyone. When that happens, forgive yourself and think about how you could have done better next time. Think about what you'll do next time.

Some basics about emotions (Emotions 101)

These skills we use to manage and respond well to our emotions are part of a larger set of emotional skills. We call this emotional intelligence (EQ) . Each skill that makes up this EQ takes time and practice to develop.

People who respond well are already skilled in some basic EQ skills. But these are things anyone can practice:

Emotional Awareness

This skill is, simply put, the ability to recognize what emotions we are feeling at any given time. This is the most basic of the `(EQ)` skills. Sometimes, simply naming the emotions we are feeling can help us control our emotions. Imagine, you suddenly feel angry, but when you recognize in your mind, "Oh, I'm angry right now," that anger feels a little easier to control.

Understanding and Accepting Emotions

Understanding emotions means understanding why we feel the way we do. For example, we might say to ourselves, "I feel really lonely and a little insecure because I haven't had a chance to go to campus yet, and both of my friends have." Have you ever felt this way?

At times like these, it can be very helpful to look at our feelings in a way that makes sense. We can think: "It's no wonder I feel lonely – it's perfectly normal to feel that way in a situation like this." This is like giving ourselves a little kindness, a little understanding, about how we feel. This helps us accept our feelings. We know that they are valid, and that there is nothing wrong with how we feel.

Accepting emotions means recognizing and understanding the emotions we feel, without blaming others or ourselves for them.

It's no use blaming others, saying, "This is why I feel this way." It's also no good judging our own feelings and saying, "I can't feel this way" or "It's so bad that I feel this way!" The main thing is to accept your feelings, not let them get out of hand. Got it?

Once you master these basic skills, it will be much easier to manage what you actually do when you feel strong emotions. Practicing these basic skills will help you recover from difficult emotions more quickly.

What are you doing? Think about it...

Imagine this: Your friends have been accepted to college, to good jobs, or to sports teams. But none of that has happened to you yet. Once you recognize, understand, and accept what you're feeling, how do you respond?

• You look sad when your friends are around, thinking they'll ask you, "What's wrong?"
• They gossip about people who have already had a chance, saying things like, "I don't even want to go to that hellhole."
• Saying what's on your mind with a trusted friend, "I'm sad that I haven't had a chance yet. But I can be with my friends."
• You remind yourself that this isn't the end of the world. You decide to give it a little time, hoping it won't ruin your day.

Think about each of these choices, and what the consequences of each one might be. Which of these responses would produce the best outcome? Think for a moment.

We always have a choice about how we respond to a situation. When we understand that, it becomes much easier to make decisions that yield good results.

Final Take-Home Message

Learning to respond well takes practice, that's true. But we can all develop the ability to express our emotions in a healthy way, without getting overwhelmed by them. That's something to be really happy about, isn't it?

So, if you have times when you feel like you have a hard time dealing with these feelings, don't worry. Practice these things little by little. First, identify exactly what you are feeling. Then, ask yourself, "Why am I feeling this way?" Allow yourself to feel that feeling, accept that it is normal. Then, think about how you will respond and make a decision.

It's like learning to drive a car. It's hard at first, but it gets easier as you get used to it. You can do this!

Emotion management, emotional reactions, mental health, emotional intelligence, EQ, stress management, calming the mind