What is Rejection? Let's talk about it!

We all go after things in life, don't we? Sometimes those things go perfectly, but sometimes the answer is 'no', or 'can't'. Being rejected like this can be a really hard and painful experience. But you know what? This is a very common thing that everyone in this world faces at some point.

What is rejection?

Simply put, rejection is when you don't get something you're hoping for, something you're really looking forward to, or something you've asked for. It can be something big, like not getting selected for a job interview you worked so hard for. Or it can be something very small, like no one laughing at a joke you told with friends. Either way, it still hurts a little, doesn't it?

Why does rejection hurt us so much?

Now you might be thinking, "Why does this little thing hurt me so much?" Really, why does rejection hurt so much? Think about it, as humans, we all want others to accept us, to love us, to include us in their group. This is a basic psychological need of ours. So, when someone rejects us, we unconsciously feel like we've been rejected, like we're unwanted, or that we're not worth it.

Surprisingly, some scientific studies have found that the same parts of our brain that are activated when we feel physical pain also activate when we feel emotional pain when someone rejects us ! This means that our brain actually treats emotional pain as 'pain'. That's why rejection can be so hard to bear sometimes.

Big things, small things – rejection is everywhere.

As we've talked about before, rejection isn't limited to big things. Take a look at these examples:

• You were not accepted into the university course you applied for with great enthusiasm and high hopes.
• I thought I would definitely make it to the school sports team , but in the end my name wasn't on the list.
• When someone you really like, without even paying attention to you, starts laughing and talking to everyone else right in front of you.
• The person you thought was your best friend went on a fun trip with other people without telling you.

These are some of the bigger, more pressing things. But there are also these smaller, everyday things like this:

• The fact that no one laughed at a joke you told in front of a group.
• The fact that no one held a chair for you at the dinner table.
• You sent a message to a friend, but they saw it but didn't reply .
• If someone says a dish you made "doesn't taste good."

Even small things like these, when added together, can become a big burden on our minds. They can have a big impact on our self-esteem , that is, our self-confidence. We can even become disappointed in ourselves.

How do you deal with rejection?

Okay, so when something like this happens, how do we deal with it successfully? How do we reduce the pain, sadness, and anger that arises in our hearts? Let's see what we can do step by step.

1. Understand your feelings and let them be.

The most important thing is to not try to hide your feelings when you get rejected. Feeling sad, angry, disappointed, scared – these are all very normal, human emotions. Don't think, "Oh, is this just me?" or "I feel this way because I'm weak." If you're sad, be alone for a while and cry. If you're angry, let it out in a way that doesn't hurt anyone or yourself (maybe by hitting a pillow, or running away for a while!). Understanding your feelings and allowing them to come is the first step to healing.

2. Remember that you are not alone.

This is a very important thing. It is hard to find a person in this world who has never been rejected. Even the most successful people you see today, your favorite actor, singer, athlete, or businessman, have been rejected at one point in their lives, maybe more than a hundred times. This is not just your problem, this is not your problem. When you understand this, you will feel a little relieved, you will not feel alone.

3. 'Talk' to your negative thoughts

When we experience rejection, negative, self-deprecating thoughts start to pile up in our minds. Things like, 'I'm worthless,' 'Nobody likes me,' 'Nothing will ever work out for me,' 'It's all my fault.' When these thoughts come, don't just accept them as true.

Ask yourself if those thoughts are true and to what extent they are reasonable.

For example:

• If you think, 'I'm useless,' ask yourself, 'Am I really that? Haven't I done good things before? I did that well, didn't I do that well?'
• If you think, 'Nobody likes me,' ask yourself, 'Doesn't anyone really? My parents, my friend Arya, they love me.'

By challenging your negative thoughts in this way, you will gradually be able to reduce their impact.

4. You determine your worth, no one else.

Just because someone rejected you doesn't mean your worth is zero. Your worth, your abilities, your good qualities are determined by how other people think of you, not by the decisions they make.You have your own identity, abilities, and dreams. Value those things. Rejection is just one incident, don't let it determine your entire life, your worth.

5. Learn something from this experience, focus on something new.

Sometimes, we can learn a valuable lesson from every rejection.

• Maybe you'll realize that what you've been trying to do isn't really for you. If that happens, you can choose a new path, a new goal, that suits you better, that you really love.
• Maybe you'll realize that there were a few other small flaws in your effort that, if you had fixed them, the result might have been different. Then you can make sure you don't make those mistakes next time.

Rejection doesn't mean the end of the road, it can even be a turning point for you on a better path. So, instead of dwelling on what happened and getting stuck in the past, focus your mind on new goals, new hobbies, and new things.

6. Never be afraid to ask for help.

Even with all this, sometimes it can be very difficult for us to get out of a situation like this alone. The pain we feel can be unbearable. At such times, talking about this with someone you trust can give you a lot of comfort and help.

• That could be your best friend.
• It could be your mother, father, brother, or relative.
• I can be your teacher.
• Sometimes, it's worth seeking help from a professional counselor , psychologist/psychiatrist , or therapist who is trained to help with these kinds of things. It's not something to be ashamed of or feel inferior about. Just like we see a doctor and get medicine when we have a cold or flu, getting help for emotional problems is also important.

How to become stronger after rejection?

Rejection is a painful experience, no doubt about it. But, it doesn't have to make us weak forever. In fact, we can use these experiences to become stronger, more resilient in life. This is called (Resilience) , which means the ability to quickly recover from problems, obstacles, and setbacks in life and get back up again.

• Identify your strengths: Everyone has some special ability or strength. Find out what you are good at, what your good qualities are, and try to develop them further.
• Practice positive thinking: Instead of seeing everything in black and white, good and bad, try to see the good in every situation, something to learn from.
• Celebrate even small victories: Big goalsAs you progress, appreciate and be happy with the small victories you achieve. This will gradually increase your self-confidence.
• Self-compassion: When you make a mistake or experience rejection, don't blame yourself, don't berate yourself, be compassionate and kind to yourself. Think, 'I'm human, I make mistakes too, I feel emotions too, that's normal.'

Always remember, it's not about falling, it's about getting up again! Make every fall an opportunity to get up stronger.

In short... (Take-Home Message)

So, from what we have discussed today, you must have clearly understood that rejection is a normal part of our lives. It can happen to anyone, at any age, at any time. No one is immune to it. The most important thing is to not let rejection define your entire self-worth when it happens. Understand your feelings and learn to deal with them in a healthy way. If you feel that it is difficult to do it alone, do not hesitate to ask for help from someone you trust. Learn a valuable lesson from every experience, become stronger, and face life with confidence. Remember, you are much stronger than you think!

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Rejection, Mental Health, Self-Esteem, Emotion Management, Resilience, Counseling