Do you sometimes feel like this? When you're having a really intense conversation with someone, your mind suddenly goes blank. Or you suddenly forget an important detail, like where to meet your friends. You may be interrupting the other person without even realizing it. If this happens to you often, you're not alone. This condition could be caused by ADHD ( attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) .
Why is talking a challenge in ADHD?
Simply put, some of the brain functions of people with ADHD are a little different. We call this " executive function" problems. Imagine that there is a manager inside your brain. This manager is the one who manages information in everyday life, organizes your thoughts in the midst of a fast-paced conversation. When you have ADHD, this manager is a little busy, or his attention is also diverted to other things. That's why small problems arise during conversations.
Don't worry, this is not your fault. This is part of the ADHD condition. The best thing is that there are simple strategies we can use to overcome these communication problems.
Let's look at common communication problems caused by ADHD and what can be done about them.
Problems that may arise during conversation and practical solutions
ADHD can present a variety of challenges in conversation. In the table below, we'll look at these problems and what solutions you can find for them.
| Common problem | What can be done (solution) |
|---|---|
| Talking too much When you're talking about a topic you're interested in, do you find yourself taking on the whole story without even realizing it? | Practice asking questions. After you have spoken a few sentences, ask a question to give the other person a chance to respond. Also, repeat back what the other person said. This will help you focus on listening rather than talking. |
| Forgetting things You suddenly forget what you were going to say, or something important that the other person said. | Take short notes. Before you speak, write down what you want to say on a piece of paper. Take notes while you're talking, if possible. Or, get permission from the other person and record it on your phone. If you get sidetracked in the middle of a conversation, don't be shy about saying, "Sorry, I missed that, can you say that again?" |
| Interrupting others Do you interrupt the other person while they are speaking, afraid that you will forget something important to say? | First, be aware of this. Count how many times you interrupt in a meeting or during a normal conversation. Set a goal to reduce that number. When you feel like jumping in, take a deep breath and exhale slowly. If you are interrupted, ask, "Sorry I interrupted you, what were you going to say?" |
| Difficulty finding the right words Even though I have something to say in my head, the right words don't come out. Sometimes I say the wrong word. | Take your time. Don't rush. Take a deep breath and try to organize your thoughts. If the words don't come, say, "I'll think about this for a while and tell you later." If you're not sure if the other person understood what you said, ask, "Could you repeat what I said to you?" |
Going off topic and getting distracted
This is also something that many people with ADHD experience.
Imagine you are talking to your family about your child's schoolwork. Suddenly, you see a beautiful car driving by outside the window, and you start talking about it. Your family can't imagine what happened all of a sudden.
What do you do about this?
- Use a "secret code": Tell a close friend or partner to give you a little signal if you stray from the topic. It could be something like giving you a little tap on your leg without anyone noticing.
- Reduce distractions : When someone is talking to you, try to distract yourself from other things.
- Put the phone aside. Put it in your pocket or bag.
- Remove unnecessary tech alerts (notifications).
- Suggest a quiet place to talk.
- You can also say, "I can't give this my full attention right now, can we talk later?"
- Make eye contact: This helps you stay focused on the conversation. It also helps you understand nonverbal cues, such as the other person's facial expressions .
Impulsivity
Even adults with ADHD can sometimes have a hard time controlling their emotions. Things like saying what's on their mind and yelling in anger can ruin a good relationship. So, before you talk about a sensitive topic, keep these things in mind:
- Wait until the situation has calmed down: Don't talk about it while it's still hot. Talk to each other after you've both calmed down.
- Be prepared to listen more than you talk: Listen to what the other person is saying and ask again to confirm, "Is that what you mean?"
- Think positively: Your goal should be to improve the situation, not to vent your anger.
- Choose your words carefully: Don't use words like " your fault ," " bad ," " always ," or " never ." Don't make accusations.
- Practice something like Mindfulness Meditation : If having a calm conversation is a challenge, practicing something like this can help improve your focus and control your impulsive actions.
Do you feel like "no one understands me"?
It can be difficult for someone without ADHD to understand the challenges faced by someone with ADHD. So, help them to help you. Share these things with them:
- Allow them to help you: Tell the person you're talking to to call you back if you get distracted. You can also ask them to ask before you start talking, "Are you listening to me?"
- Seek professional help: If these issues are affecting your personal relationships, counseling or therapy can help you and your partner understand and communicate better with each other. Talk to your doctor about this and get a referral.
Take-Home Message
- It's common to have trouble communicating with ADHD. This is not your fault, it's part of the ADHD condition.
- There are simple, practical solutions to things like interrupting others, forgetting things, and getting off topic. Try things like taking short notes, asking questions, and speaking in a quiet environment.
- If you have a challenge controlling your emotions, take time to calm down before having sensitive conversations. Practicing mindfulness can be very helpful.
- Explain your situation to your friends. Ask them to help you if you lose focus.
- If you find this situation difficult to manage, don't be shy about talking to a doctor or mental health counselor . They will give you the right guidance.
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