As the New Year approaches, do you find yourself thinking things like, "I couldn't make as much money as I wanted...", "I tried to lose weight this time, but I couldn't...", "I didn't get the promotion I wanted, I tried to get a new job, but it didn't work out either...", "I can never improve..." Do you find yourself blaming yourself for thinking things like this? In fact, while some people look forward to throwing parties and making New Year's resolutions as the year draws to a close, others look back on the year gone by and regret the things they couldn't accomplish. This is very common.
If you already have some level of depression, especially at this time of year, thinking about the past year in this way can make your situation worse. So today, let's talk about why we find ourselves so self-critical as the New Year approaches, and how to overcome the 'New Year's Blues' this time too.
Why do we judge ourselves like this at the end of the year?
Simply put, it's normal to look back on the past year and reflect on what we've done. According to psychology experts, it's no wonder we do this these days. Just think, whether you turn on the TV, the radio, or go online, there are programs like 'Year in Review' or "Events of the Year" everywhere. So when the media repeatedly reminds us of what happened throughout the year, we also unconsciously look back on the year that has passed in our lives.
Then the talk of "New Year's resolutions" begins. When we talk about new resolutions, we inevitably think about our shortcomings. When we think about things like "I want to lose weight," "I want to get less angry," "I want to work harder," we focus on our weaknesses.
In addition to all this, perhaps your festive season (like April Fools' Day or Christmas) wasn't as enjoyable as you had hoped. Some people blame themselves for that too. If you're already stressed or depressed, you're more likely to focus on your shortcomings and think you're a failure at times like these, rather than looking at your successes.
The connection between the habit of 'rumination' and this sadness
If you find yourself becoming increasingly depressed by constantly thinking about the past year and feeling sad about it, you may also have a mental habit called 'Rumination' .
Simply put, rumination is the act of repeatedly thinking about the same problem or event, worrying about it, and getting stuck in a cycle of thoughts without coming up with a solution. It's like a cow ruminating, thinking the same thing over and over again. Research has found that this habit is more common among women than men.
Research on people with the habit of 'rumination' has found things like:
- These people often use negative methods when facing problems. They also unnecessarily blame themselves and think pessimistically about the future.
- Rumination and depression go hand in hand.
- It's important to recognize where you need to stop this cycle of thinking. Everyone thinks the same thing to some extent. But if you realize that thinking this way doesn't solve anything, and it makes you feel even more sad, but you can't stop it, that's where the problem lies.
- Depression can make this 'rumination' situation worse. If you get caught in this cycle of thoughts when you're already feeling sad, you'll only remember the worst aspects of a problem.
Rumination and depression are like a toxic mix. One feeds the other. The process is so intertwined that sometimes it's hard to figure out which started first.
How do I break free from this cycle of sad thoughts?
If you find yourself stuck in these thoughts at the end of the year, here are some tips from experts to help you get out of that situation.
| Strategy | What you should do |
|---|---|
| Prepare in advance (Anticipate) | If you've had this happen before, don't wait until the end of the year to reduce it this year, but make a plan in advance. Think, "This time I will not let those thoughts control me." |
| Instead of "Why me?" think "Why did this happen?" | When sad thoughts come, instead of dwelling on your shortcomings, just think about why the things you couldn't do happened the way they did. Learn from it and move on. Thinking, "Why is this happening to me?" will only make you sadder. |
| Shift into action | Instead of feeling sad, ask yourself: "What is the smallest thing I can do to change this situation?" Start doing those small things. |
| Distract yourself. | When you find yourself in this cycle of negative thoughts, get up and go for a walk, go to the gym, or talk to a friend. You should start to feel better within 10 minutes of physical activity. It's hard to think about sad things and be active at the same time. |
| Be specific. | If you're setting a New Year's resolution, instead of thinking big like "I'm going to be a better person this year," set small, specific goals. For example: Instead of "I'm going to stop yelling at my kids" or "I'm going to lose 20 pounds," think of something small, doable like "I'm going to bring a fruit from home on the day the office gives out doughnuts." |
| Rethink expectations | Check if your expectations are realistic. If they are unrealistic, it doesn't mean you should give up on the goal. Instead, break that big goal down into smaller steps. Then you can achieve it more easily. |
If, despite following these tips, you are still having trouble controlling these sad feelings, do not suffer alone and worry about it. It is very important to see your family doctor and talk about this. He or she can understand your situation and, if necessary, refer you to a psychiatrist or counselor. Remember, just as we see a doctor when we are sick physically, it is never wrong to seek professional help when we are feeling down.
Take-Home Message
- As the New Year approaches, it's normal to reflect on the past year. However, dwelling on those thoughts and blaming yourself is unhealthy.
- 'Rumination' is an unhealthy mental habit of constantly thinking about the same problem without a solution and feeling sad. Identify this and try to get rid of it.
- Two of the best ways to break this cycle of sad thoughts are action and distraction.
- Instead of setting big, unrealistic goals for the New Year, set small, specific, and achievable goals.
- If these feelings are too severe to control, don't suffer alone, but definitely seek the advice of a doctor.
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