Tharindu (age 23) who came to the clinic that day was very shy and had a slight smile on his face. Shaking his head, a little embarrassed, he asked me a personal question.
"Doctor Priya, I have a little problem with my mind. A girl from our university told me yesterday that she likes me. I hadn't thought much about her before. But since the moment I found out that she likes me, I've been thinking about her all the time, and I feel like I've started to have a little interest in her. Is there something wrong with my brain, doctor, or is this something psychological?" Tharindu asked very curiously.
I smiled and said to Tharindu, "Tharindu, don't worry. There is nothing wrong with your brain. This is a very well-known psychological concept that is common to people all over the world. We call this the Reciprocal Liking Effect . So today, let's talk about how when we know that someone likes us, we are unconsciously drawn to that person."
What is the Reciprocal Liking Effect?
Reciprocal preference theory states that when we learn that someone is interested in us, we naturally tend to feel attracted to and interested in that person.
According to social psychology, this is known as one of the most reliable and powerful factors influencing the initiation of human relationships.
How does our brain respond to this? (The Neurobiology of Attraction)
When we know that someone is showing us love or kindness, several chemical changes occur in our brain:
1. Dopamine (the happy hormone): When someone tells us they like us, it gives us a great sense of satisfaction and worth. The brain considers this a reward and releases the hormone dopamine.
2. Oxytocin (bonding hormone): This hormone helps create a sense of security and attachment towards others.
3. Mirror Neurons: These specialized nerve cells in the brain function to replicate in our minds the feelings of love and kindness that others show us.
Cognitive Dissonance
When someone tells us they like us, our subconscious automatically asks a question: "Why does he like me?"
Our brains are tempted to search for answers to this, and as a result, we unconsciously start paying more attention to the positive qualities of that person, such as kindness, a beautiful smile, and humor. As a result, our hearts also develop a liking for them.
The Positive Feedback Loop
Love and attraction are energies that flow in both directions:
- The other person shows you love → you feel your worth → you like them → you treat them more closely → their love grows further.
This continuous cycle allows the bond between the two to grow stronger in a very short time.
🚨 Red Flags to Watch Out for in a Relationship
Although we may feel attracted to someone due to mutual interest, we should be aware of the following danger signs before entering into a new relationship:
- Love Bombing: Excessive gift giving, compliments, and attempts to get too close at the beginning of a relationship (this can be a tactic to control you later - manipulation).
- Emotional Manipulation: If someone tries to get their needs met by emotionally manipulating you while pretending to like you.
- Not appreciating boundaries: If you are pressured to do whatever they want without respecting your personal freedom, opinions, and boundaries.
Do's & Don'ts
| ✔️ Things to do (Do) | ❌ Don'ts |
|---|---|
| Don't make decisions just because someone likes you, but calmly investigate their true qualities and compatibility. | Don't force relationships to erase loneliness or because of guilt over someone else liking you. |
| Maintain open and honest communication between the two of you in a relationship. | If your spouse is trying to control you, don't ignore it. |
| Maintain respect between the two of you by appreciating your partner's positive qualities. | Don't prioritize only external appearance or motivation and ignore true mental compatibility. |
❓ Some other questions you may have (FAQ)
Does Reciprocal Liking always work? ▼
No. For reciprocity to occur, we must have some level of positive attitude toward the person in question. When someone we dislike or who makes us uncomfortable says they like him, reciprocity results in disapproval or avoidance instead.
How to distinguish between true love and temporary attraction? ▼
Temporary attraction is usually based only on outward appearance or early hormonal excitement, which quickly fades with time. True love is based on mutual respect, understanding, trust, and a commitment to support each other through any difficult times.
What are some self-help methods to maintain a healthy relationship? ▼
Reading self-help books, developing your self-esteem, learning to clearly express your boundaries and ideas, and practicing controlling your anger and communicating calmly in relationship problems are all important self-help methods.
Are there treatments to relieve stress caused by relationship problems? ▼
Yes. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and, if necessary, short-term medication can be used to manage stress and anxiety in relationships.
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