We've all heard that some young children, like your son, sometimes hurt themselves. Maybe they cut themselves with a razor blade, a knife, or scissors. As a parent, it's understandable that you might feel a lot of fear and anxiety when you hear this. "Why would our child do this?" You might be wondering. This is not a topic we should take lightly. It can be serious , and it can also be a sign of deep depression in the child. So, let's talk about this in a little more detail today, in a way that you can understand, okay?
What is this self-harm?
Simply put, self-harm, or as doctors call it, ``Self-Harm'', is when someone intentionally harms their own body. We hear most often about self-cutting, but this is not the only way. Some young people:
- They burn themselves.
- They are sniffing loudly.
- They beat themselves up, banging their heads somewhere.
- Pulling hair.
- The skin is pinched tightly.
- They prick the skin with sharp objects like needles, and sometimes insert objects under the skin.
These things usually start at a young age . Some people continue this habit into adulthood. Although rare, some families may have a history of self-harm.
The most important thing is that there is a lot of shame and secrecy associated with these things. Most of the time, these children hide the injuries they have caused. If anyone sees them, they will come up with one false excuse after another. However, there are some children who, without hiding their injuries, try to get attention from others.
Often, things like cutting yourself start out as a sudden impulse . That is, as something you do when it comes to you. However, as many young people say, once you start, you feel like doing it all the time, and it's hard to stop. Because they feel like they're getting temporary relief from the unbearable pain and pressure they're feeling at the time. Because of this, it becomes a habit that motivates them to do it more and more.
Over time, self-harm can become a habit that the child uses to cope with the stresses and feelings of everyday life. Some say they are "addicted" to it. Some want to stop, but don't know how , or they feel like they can't. Others have no desire to stop.
Why do young children hurt themselves?
It's hard to pinpoint just one reason for this. Each child may have different reasons. Let's look at the main factors that influence this.
1. Overwhelming emotions
Young people who self-harm are often struggling with very strong emotions . They may feel that this is the only way to express or escape these intense feelings. Think about the pain of rejection, the sadness of a broken relationship, or the deep sadness of losing a loved one – these can be overwhelming for some young people.
Often these children may be suffering from a deep, unspoken pain and difficulty. The pressure to do everything perfectly , the pressure to achieve goals that are impossible for themselves or others, can cause unbearable pain for some children. Some may be deeply hurt by the harsh words they have received from others, by being treated badly, by feeling helpless, useless, and unloved.
2. Trauma and emotional numbness
Some young people may have experienced some kind of severe trauma . At times like this, they may experience a state called ``Dissociation.'' Simply put, it means a state of being without feelings, a state of being a little detached from reality. For these people, cutting themselves is a way of testing whether they can still "feel" the pain. Others say that this helps them "wake up" from that state of being without feelings.
3. For invisible pain, visible pain
The pain in the heart, that is, the mental pain, we cannot touch, we cannot see. It is difficult to talk about it, to describe it. It is also difficult to find relief for it. However, the physical pain that comes from hurting oneself is tangible, we can see it . Some children feel that this physical pain is better than that difficult pain in the heart.
These children say that when they cut or hurt themselves, they feel a sense of control and relief because they can see exactly where the pain is coming from. It's as if they're symbolizing the inner pain they have, perhaps unspoken, unacknowledged, unhealed. And because it's something they can do themselves, that pain is within their control.
4. Getting instant relief
Many young children report feeling immediate relief when they cut or hurt themselves. This is common in compulsive behaviors. Some believe that the chemicals released by the body during this time, called endorphins (also known as "feel-good hormones" and released during strenuous exercise and injury), may be responsible for this relief.
Others believe that this relief comes from the intense physical pain and the dramatic nature of the sight of blood, which distracts them from the painful feelings they are experiencing. Some children say that they do not feel pain when they are cut, but that the visible wounds "express" their inner pain, which is what gives them relief.
5. Feeling like an "addiction"
Self-harm, especially when it comes to cutting , can easily become a habit, an addiction . Although it may provide temporary relief from stress, the more a person cuts, the more they want to do it. As with other compulsive behaviors, the brain develops an association between the self-harm and the temporary relief from negative feelings.
Every time the stress increases, the brain needs that relief. So the child is tempted to hurt themselves again. So this can become a powerful habit that is impossible to stop. When the stress increases too much, it can feel unbearable to resist the urge to cut or hurt.
6. Other mental health conditions
Often, self-harm is related to, or part of, another mental health condition . Some young people may also struggle with other uncontrollable urges, obsessions, or behaviors.
- Some people may find it difficult to control the unbearable mood swings caused by conditions like depression or bipolar disorder .
- For others, relationships can feel intense and close due to personality disorders, but they can also be unstable. For these children, relationships that were once very good can suddenly become frustrating, causing unbearable hurt, anger, or disappointment.
- Some young children suffer from personality traits that make them attracted to risky behaviors and dangerous thrills of self-destructive behavior.
- Some people are tempted to do dramatic things to reassure themselves that they are loved and cared for.
- For others, Post -Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) may have affected their ability to deal with their emotions.
- Or they may be suffering from alcohol or drug problems.
7. Peer Pressure
Some young children start to hurt themselves because they see someone else doing it. Group peer pressure can also be a factor. Some children do these things outside of their group and pressure others to do the same. Some children may then resort to these things to appear "cool" or "bold", to fit in with the group, or to avoid being bullied by others.
Any of these could be a reason why a young child might self-harm. However, each child has their own unique feelings and experiences . Some may not even be able to explain why they do it.
Whatever the reason, self-harm is not a healthy way to cope with any intense feelings or stress.
Is this a suicide attempt?
This is a big fear for many parents. But, in most cases, self-harm is not a suicide attempt . It is a temporary relief from unbearable pain and stress.
However, the danger here should not be underestimated . There is a high risk of excessive bleeding, wound infection, or other serious health problems. Sometimes, even unintentional harm can occur. Therefore, even if this is not a suicide attempt, it can have very dangerous consequences .
How to recognize it? How to help?
Some young children will draw attention to the harm they are doing. Or they will find out when they seek medical attention for an injury. However, many children do these things secretly for a long time before anyone else finds out . Some will eventually tell someone about it – either because they need help and want to stop, or because they want someone to understand their pain.
It takes a lot of courage and confidence to tell someone about this. Many children are afraid to tell others because they think they will be misunderstood, angry, disappointed, shocked, or judged. Some children tell their friends, but they ask them not to tell anyone. This can be a great burden and anxiety for that friend as well.
When someone asks about these cuts, children can react in different ways. It depends on the child and how they are asked about it.
- Some may lie and say there is no such thing.
- Even if some accept it, it can be said that it is not a big problem .
- Some may get angry, upset, and refuse help .
- However, there are some children who feel relieved when they feel that someone knows about this, is looking out for them, and is trying to help.
As a parent, if you suspect or learn that your child is doing something like this, it is important to talk to your child about it in a very thoughtful and kind way . Don't accuse the child, listen to the child. Let the child know that you are there to help them.
Can this habit be stopped?
Whether someone knows or tries to help, some young people only try to stop after they have been self-harming for a long time. If the self-harm is part of another mental health condition, the child definitely needs professional help . Sometimes, these cuts or other symptoms may require a child to be admitted to a mental health hospital or clinic. Some children may need to be hospitalized more than once, until they are ready to receive help for this or other issues.
However, some young people find a way to stop self-harming on their own. This can happen if they have a strong reason to stop, if they get the support they need, or if they find ways to resist the strong urge to hurt themselves. To stop, they need to find new ways to cope with challenging situations and new ways to manage their overwhelming emotions . This takes time and often requires the help of a mental health professional .
It is really hard for young children to stop self-harming behaviors like cutting themselves. They may not succeed the first time. Some may stop for a while and then start again. It takes determination, courage, strength, and the support of understanding and loving others to break this powerful habit.
Finally, some important things
From what I've discussed, you may have gained some insight into the self-harm phenomenon that is occurring among young children. Here are some important things to remember:
- This is a cry for help: Self-harm is a sign that a child is in deep distress. It is not a sign of weakness, but a way of dealing with unbearable pain.
- Probably not suicidal, but dangerous: While this is not something you do to kill yourself, it can lead to serious injuries, infections, and other health problems. So don't take it lightly.
- Don't keep it a secret: If you find out that your child, or a child you know, is doing something like this, don't keep it a secret. Tell a trusted adult, a teacher, or a doctor.
- Professional help is essential: The help of a mental health professional (counseling, therapy) is very important to overcome this situation. Refer to it.
- Your love and support are very important: Treat your child with love, without blaming or judging them. Let your child know that you are there for them and that you are helping them. Be patient and understanding.
I hope this information is helpful to you. Take care of your child, listen to him, and don't hesitate to provide the necessary help.
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