How would you feel if you heard that your child was bullying, intimidating, or harassing other children at school or elsewhere? It's really shocking and sad, isn't it? But when you hear something like that, no matter how difficult it is, the most important thing is to immediately investigate it and take the necessary steps. This bullying can be verbal or physical. However, if it is not stopped, there is a high chance that the child will behave more antisocially, fail at school, and be unable to make friends or maintain friendships.
Why do our children bully like this? What are the reasons for it?
There are actually many reasons why children bully others. Let's take a look at what they are.
Insecure feelings and showing power
Some children have a lot of insecurity about themselves. They think things like, "Am I not good enough?", "Are other people smarter than me?" So, when they bully someone they think is a little weaker than them, physically or mentally, they can feel like they are important, popular, or in control . Imagine, when you scare a little kid in class and target them with their food, the bully can feel like a "hero." But that's very wrong, isn't it?
Not knowing that "this is wrong"
Other times, kids bully because they don't know it's wrong. Some kids don't understand that it's not okay to make fun of or marginalize kids who are different because of their height, weight, appearance, race, or religion. They think it's just a "joke."
Part of a pattern of stubborn and aggressive behavior
For some children, bullying may be part of a pattern of stubborn, aggressive behavior. These children often need help to manage their strong emotions, such as anger, hurt, and frustration. They may not have the skills to work cooperatively with others. In such cases, something like counseling, or ``therapy,'' can help them deal with their feelings, stop bullying, and improve their social skills.
Mimicking things seen at home
It is very sad that some children bully others because they imitate what they see at home. Children who see aggressive, unkind speech and behavior in their family learn to treat others in the same way. Similarly, children who are teased and scolded at home may learn that bullying is a good way to control children they feel are weaker than them.
What should we do to save children from this bullying?
If you find out that your child is bullying others, try to do these things without panicking, but decisively.
1. Bullying is a serious thing!
First, make it clear to your child that bullying is never okay, and that if it continues, there will be serious consequences at home, at school, and in the community. Set rules at home about bullying, and enforce them strictly. If your child is being punished for taking away privileges, it should be something that the child really feels. For example, if your child is bullying other children via email, text message, or social networking site, stop using the phone or computer for a while. If your child is being aggressive toward siblings or others at home, stop it immediately. Instead, respond in a more appropriate, non-violent way, such as telling them to leave the area.
2. Teach them to respect others and be kind!
Teach your child that it is wrong to make fun of or belittle differences in race, religion, appearance, special needs, gender, or economic status. Be sensitive to the differences of others, that is, practice ``Empathy``. If possible, get your child involved in a community group with children from different backgrounds. This will give your child the opportunity to get to know and work with different people.
3. Find out about your child's social life!
Try to understand what is influencing your child's behavior at school (or wherever the bullying is happening). Talk to the parents of the child's friends, teachers, guidance counselors, and the school principal. Are other children bullying? How are your child's friends? What are the pressures on children at school? Talk to your child about these relationships and the pressures they have to fit in. Get them involved in activities outside of school. This will help them make new friends and build good relationships with them.
4. Encourage good behavior!
Positive reinforcement is much more powerful than negative discipline. Recognize when your child does something well. When they behave well and positively, notice and praise them. Say something like, "Your son/daughter did a great job on that question today, and I'm very happy about that."
5. Stay connected with the school!
If bullying is happening at school, work with the administration and teachers to develop an action plan. If your child knows that you are aware of their behavior at school, it will help them become more responsible and make better social choices.
Think about it, sometimes kids bully because they want attention. When we praise their good work, they get that attention in a healthy way.
Let's start at home!
Fighting with siblings at home is normal, it happens in almost every home. In fact, unless there is a risk of physical violence, it is wise to stay out of the fight. But be careful about name-calling and hitting. Talk to each child individually and remind them regularly about what is acceptable and what is not.
Think about your own behavior, too. Think about the way you speak in front of your children, the way you handle problems and conflicts. Children who yell, use bad language, put others down, criticize harshly at home, or witness physical abuse from a sibling or parent/guardian are more likely to do the same things outside of school.
If you act aggressively in front of or to your children, they are more likely to follow suit. Instead, focus on the good in others, not the bad. When you have problems in your life, talk openly with your children about your frustrations and how you deal with those feelings.
True, sometimes you need to discipline your children and give them criticism to help them correct their mistakes. But don't let that turn into harsh words or accusations. If you don't like a child's behavior, emphasize that you want to see them change it and that you believe they can do it.
Who else can we get help from?
If you think that another stressful event at home is affecting your child's behavior, seek help from school and your community. Guidance counselors, clergy, therapists, and your family doctor can help. If your child is argumentative, stubborn, or has a history of anger management problems, consider an evaluation by a therapist or behavioral health professional.
As frustrating as it can be to help your children stop this bullying, remember that bad behavior doesn't stop on its own. Think about the success and happiness you want your children to achieve in school, at work, and in their relationships throughout their lives. Stopping this bullying now is a big step toward those goals.
Take-Home Message
Okay, so from what we've talked about, it should be clear to you that bullying a child is not something we should take lightly.
- Understand the reason: Find out why your child is doing this. Is it insecurity? Is it a need for attention? Or is it something you see at home?
- Take immediate action: Take this as a serious matter, talk to your child, and take the necessary steps.
- Teach good and bad: Teach to respect others, be kind, and be sensitive to others' differences.
- Encourage positively: Praise your child when he does something good. It makes a big impact.
- Join the school: Teachers, work with the principal to find solutions to this problem.
- Be a role model: Create a peaceful and loving environment at home. The way you solve problems is a great example for your children.
- Seek professional help if necessary: Sometimes things like therapy can be very helpful.
Don't forget, it is our responsibility to help every child grow up well and become a productive member of society.
` bullying, child bullying, parenting advice, school bullying, behavioral problems, psychology, child behavior
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