Is your child scared of gun violence? (Gun Violence) Let's talk about this!

When something serious like gun violence happens in our country or anywhere in the world, it's very normal to feel scared and worried that something bad will happen to our little ones and the people they love. So, as a mother or father, you may be wondering, "How do I talk to my child about these serious things? What should I say? What should I not say?" It's really a big question. But don't worry, let's look at some things that can help.

When should you talk about this with your children?

When something like gun violence happens, kids may not be ready to talk about it right away. It can take them a while to process it and understand it. Some kids want to talk, but they don't know how to start. If they come up to you while you're doing chores in the kitchen or cleaning up the house, it could be a sign that they want to talk to you about something. Think about it, sometimes they'll start asking you little questions instead of asking you directly. There are other kids who, rather than talking , draw, sing, or do something artistic . That's their way. But if your child isn't that interested in the incident, or doesn't want to talk right away, don't talk at all . That will only make them more scared. If you feel like your child is curious about something but seems afraid to ask, you can ask very lovingly, "Honey, is there anything you want to talk about?" or "Are you thinking about something?"

What should we tell children about gun violence?

This is a very important point. The questions your child asks are the best guide to how much detail you should provide. Don't try to cover everything at once. Other things to keep in mind are:

• Tell the truth, but simply: Tell the truth about what happened. However, avoid going into details that are scary or unnecessary , especially for young children. Keep things simple and to the point where they can handle them. For example, you could say something like, “Son/daughter, something happened that upset a few people, but it’s over now. There are adults who can take care of those involved.” Your main goal should be to ease their fears and make them feel safe.

• Understand and support your child's feelings: Never underestimate what children say or how they feel. If they tell you that they are upset or scared, don't try to suppress their feelings by saying things like, "Oh, don't think about it. Nothing will happen to you." Instead, restate what they said, making them feel understood. "Yes, son, I understand that you are very scared about this incident. That is normal." When you say things like this, children know that you really listen to them and understand them.

• Tell the facts according to the child's age and level of understanding: Not all children are the same. Their age, their mental level, and the way they understand things are different. So, think about how much children can understand and absorb things. If you think your child is willing to talk, you can start by asking, "What did you hear about that incident?" or "What did your friends say at school?" This will help you understand what the child already knows and what is on their mind.

Instructions by age group

Children in younger grades (around 5-8 years old)

Keep things short and simple for little ones at this age. Always remind them that there are adults like mom, dad, and teachers to take care of them and protect them. Make them feel safe .

For example, if there was news of a school shooting, you could talk about what their school is doing to keep them safe. For example, keeping the school gates locked, keeping the outside doors locked, and conducting emergency drills.

For very young children, it is difficult to 'say' what they are feeling in words. At that time, you can use things like picture books, drawings that you draw yourself, to help them. You can tell them to draw what they are feeling.

Older children (around 9-12 years old)

You can talk to children this age in a way that is a little more detailed, but in a way that they can understand. Talk about how it is wrong to hurt someone, to kill someone, and to use dangerous things like guns in the wrong way. Children this age often ask questions like, “Am I really safe?” or “How can I protect myself?” “Why do people do this?” Explain to them what our society and their school are doing to protect them. Let them have their say .

Teens (13+ years)

Teenagers can have very strong feelings and opinions about things like gun violence. So you can ask them directly, “What do you think about what happened?” Listen to their opinions. You can also talk about why people hurt others in such a way. It could be because they have a mental health condition , or they have trouble controlling their anger, or they are using drugs or alcohol . Let them know that there are people in the community who can help them in these situations (such as doctors, teachers, police, religious leaders). The most important thing is that if they feel angry, frustrated, or stressed, they can talk to you or another trusted adult without keeping it to themselves.Remind your child to say yes. This is also a good time to talk about the dangers of drugs and alcohol. If you can't find the answer to a question your child asks right away, say, "I don't know for sure, son, but I'll look it up and tell you." Or, try to find the answer together using age-appropriate, trusted websites.

No matter what age your child is, listen patiently . That's the most important thing. Let children ask questions, talk about their fears, and tell you everything that's on their mind. It can be a great relief for both them and you when they get their feelings out.

What else do I need to know?

There are other little things you can do besides talking.

• Be careful about what your children watch: Limit what your children see about gun violence on TV, online, and social media. While children may be curious, those scenes and details can make them more upset, scared, and anxious. Be careful about how much you talk about this kind of news in front of them. Don't leave the news on your TV all day at home.

• Make children feel in control: After a traumatic event like a shooting, many people feel helpless. At times like these, finding something small to do to help others can help children feel in control of their situation. If possible, involve your children in things like donating things to those in need, volunteering, or writing letters to comfort them. Show them good news stories about how others are helping in times like these.

• Tell your children that being observant can help prevent these things: If they hear or read about someone trying to hurt someone else, they should tell you, a teacher at school, or another trusted adult right away . If they see a friend or acquaintance who seems very angry or depressed, tell them that it is also important to tell an adult.

• If you can, talk to your children about gun safety in a way they can understand. Guns are not toys, and explain the dangers they can cause simply.

• Continue the daily routine as follows:After an incident like this, keeping your child's daily routine as normal as possible can help them feel safe. Make sure they are getting enough exercise, getting enough sleep, and eating on time. Make sure they are doing all their homework and going to after-school sports and clubs. But remember, if they are struggling to cope with these things, don't force them. Give them some time to relax.

• Watch for stress: It's common for children to feel stressed after events like this. If you notice big changes in your child's behavior (not sleeping well, not eating, being afraid of everything, not wanting to be around other people, being constantly anxious, losing interest in things they used to do) that last for a few days, don't delay in talking to your family doctor or a child mental health specialist (a `behavioral health care provider` or `child psychologist`). They can help your child manage their anxiety and help them cope with the situation.

Ultimately, your love, support, and good communication are what will help your children feel stronger during these difficult times. You can help them feel safer and more secure.

Finally, things to remember

Simply put, it is very important to talk to your child about these horrific, heartbreaking events and listen to them.

• Listen patiently and lovingly. Listen until they finish what they have to say.
• Speak in simple words that are appropriate for their age.
• Understand their feelings (fear, sadness, anger) and support them. Say, "It's normal for you to feel that way."
• You are always with them, always make them feel safe. Hug them.
• If you notice a persistent unusual change in your child's behavior, don't delay seeking medical advice.
• You should also take care of your mental health. Only if you are strong can your child be strong.

With these things, you can help your child build their confidence after such scary events, give them strength, and help them develop a positive attitude about the world.

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Child Mind, Children and Violence, Shootings, Mental Health, Parenting Advice, Educating Children, Child Safety