Does your child hang out with the 'set' at school? Let's talk about this thing called (Clique)!

Hello! As your child gets older, having friends becomes a very valuable thing for them, right? Going beyond the family and creating their own set of friends is very important for their development, that is, for them to grow as independent individuals. These friendships will help them a lot in building good, trustworthy relationships in the future. But sometimes, this 'set of friends' can develop in a slightly different way, and sometimes in a way that can cause problems. That's what we're going to talk about today, specifically, `(Clique)` groups. Don't be afraid, let's talk about this in a way that we can all understand, simply.

What is the difference between a group of friends and a ``clique''?

Okay, first let's be clear about the difference between just a group of friends getting together and what we call a ``clique''. If we understand this correctly, it will be easier for us to help children.

Usually, friends come together because of things they like in common . Think of it as a group that plays the same game, kids in the same class, people living in the same neighborhood, or family connections. People in these types of friend groups have the freedom to talk, play, and socialize with others outside of that group. They are not ostracized or kicked out of the group for doing so. There is no rule that says you have to do everything together. It's very normal and healthy.

However, this `(Clique)` is a little different, very tight-knit, a little tight-knit group . They usually have their own set of rules and a way of behaving. Some of these rules are explicitly stated, some are implicit. They do a lot of things together. But the main problem here is that this kind of `(Clique)` is not built on common values, good ideas, and beliefs about helping each other. Most of the time, their main goal is to protect their `(Status)` and `(Popularity)` . For example, people in a `(Clique)` may think that they are ``superior'' to others, or they may always try to show that their `(Clique)` is ``bigger'' than the others. That is, there may be constant competition between them.

Why do our children want to join `(Clique)` like this?

Now you're probably thinking, 'Why on earth do kids like to go to these kind of stuffy, problematic settings?' There's not just one reason for that, there are several. Let's take a look at that.

• The desire to be popular: For some children, being 'popular', being 'cool' is the most important thing for them. So, these 'cliques' seem to them as a place to gain social status, that is, acceptance among other people at school. They think, 'If I'm in that group, everyone will respect me.'
• Fear of being alone: ​​Some other children join this group out of fear of being left out, alone, or lost. They think, 'Oh, I'd better be included in the group, otherwise I'll be alone.' This is something that can be felt especially by children who are a little sensitive.
• Desire to control or follow: There are some children who like to control others, to impose their will, and to have others listen to them. For such children, this `(Clique)` is a good place (for better or for worse). These are usually controlled by a ``Leader`` . It is the leader who decides who should be in the group and who should be out. On the other hand, this can also seem good to children who like to follow the rules, like to listen to what others say, and are a little afraid to make their own decisions. Because, there, they are clearly told ``what to do''.

But, the strange thing is, sometimes even very kind, popular, and talented children are removed from this `(Clique)` or are not accepted into the group. The reason for this is that the child's personality and self-confidence may be a threat to the leader. The leader may think, 'This child is not someone who listens to me, he will stand out more than me.' Especially if the child is popular even if he is alone, this is more likely to happen. Sometimes, the leader talks to the child's friends to join the `(Clique)`, but the popular child is not accepted. This is also a very sad situation.

Why do others listen to what the leader of `(Clique)` says?

Okay, now let's see why the other members of this `(Clique)` listen to everything the leader says. Is it really something they do out of friendship, out of love for the leader? Or is there another reason?

Most of the time, members of the `(Clique)` follow the leader's rules exactly. It could be, 'We have to dress like the day before', 'We have to wear the day after', 'We don't talk to people in the day after', 'We only do these kinds of things', etc. These `(Clique)` usually have a lot of rules, either explicitly stated or unspoken . Also, there is a lot of `(Pressure)` to follow those rules exactly. It creates the feeling that 'If we all do this, you're the only one who can't change'.

In fact, most members rally around the leader, not out of genuine friendship, but because they want to protect their place in the group.

Children in a `(clique)` are constantly worried about things like, 'Will I still be popular in this group?', 'If I do something wrong, say something wrong, or dress inappropriately, will the group leave me out?' This is something that really causes a lot of stress . The child is always afraid and suspicious.

When do problems arise due to `(Cliques)`?

For many children, the years between the ages of ten and eighteen, the preteen and teenage years, are a time when they are trying to figure out who they are, how they fit into society, how they want to stand out, and who they are. So, it's normal for children to feel insecure about themselves at times, to expect acceptance from others, and to want to be with the "cool" and "popular" kids. That's just the nature of that age.

However, these ``cliques'' can lead to long-term problems, both psychological and behavioral , especially in cases like these:

• When children are tempted to do things they know are wrong or disagree with their own feelings, to please the leader or to be part of the group. For example, things like bullying someone else or telling a lie.
• When children are pushed around , they spend a lot of money on new clothes , buy the latest phone, tease others, spread gossip (whether it's directly to their face or online through social media).
• When children are forced to do risky things like stealing, doing dirty work, or damaging other people's things . When they are pressured into doing things like, 'We're all doing it, you should do it too.'
• When the group becomes an antisocial clique or gang , imposing unhealthy rules such as weight loss, or bullying or threatening others based on appearance, disability, race, or religion.
• When a child feels strongly rejected, marginalized, and isolated by a group, this can greatly damage the child's self-esteem.

Think about it, these ``(Cliques)`` become most intense, meaning the problems become most severe, when the child is in grades six, seven, or eight (Middle school). However, sometimes these ``(Clique)`` problems can start as early as four or five years old. Therefore, it is good to be aware of this from a young age.

How can we help as parents?

Okay, now when your child is struggling, perhaps suffering, with these friendships, `(Cliques), there are a lot of things that you, that is, we, as parents can do to support them. Let's see what they are. These are very simple, practical things.

• Share your experiences: Talk to your child about your experiences at school, the cliques you faced, and the disagreements you had with your friends. Tell them how you felt about those things and how you dealt with them. This will help your child understand that these things are not just happening to them.
• Try to understand the leader's side: Explain to your child that even if they are the leader of a ``(clique)'', they may be just like everyone else , anxious about being popular and accepted by others . Tell them that the leader may be acting that way to cover up their insecurities.
• Introduce appropriate books and movies: Find books and movies that your child can relate to about friendships and cliques. For example, a book like Judy Bloom's 'Blubber' or a movie like 'Mean Girls'. (These are in English, if possible, watch them with your child and talk about them. This will make it easier for your child to understand the situation.)
• Encourage extracurricular activities: Encourage your child to participate in activities that take them out of school . Things like art classes, music classes, sports, martial arts, language classes, environmental clubs, volunteer work, etc. These give your child the opportunity to make friends outside of school, based on their common interests, of different ages, and from different schools. Then the school clique will not be their only world.
• Teach healthy friendships and sensitivity: Encourage your child to have healthy, positive friendships . Teach them not to get too caught up in these ``cliques''. Teach them to be sensitive to the feelings of others and to do what is right for themselves, not always following the crowd . Teach them simply, "We don't have to jump in the well when everyone else is jumping in."

You can explain to your child that these ``cliques'' can change very quickly, that the group that exists today may disappear tomorrow, so it's really important to have good, honest, and understanding friends . The biggest secret to being truly popular and liked by everyone is to be the kind of friend you want to be to others.

Finally, a few things to remember (Take-Home Message)

So, I hope you now have a good idea of ​​how this `(Clique)` affects children's lives, the problems it can cause, and how we should deal with it. Remember, every child faces these kinds of experiences at some point in their life. It's normal. The most important thing is to talk openly with your child, listen to them, and always make them feel that they have your support, love, and care.

• Friendships are very important, but you don't have to submit to the unnecessary pressure and rules of ``(Cliques)''.
• Always encourage your child to do what they feel is right, according to their own conscience.
• Teach them to treat others with kindness, respect, and understand the feelings of others.
• If your child is having a problem, encourage them to talk about it and ask for help. This could be from you, a teacher, or another adult they trust.

With these things in mind, you can definitely help your child successfully navigate these complex social interactions. Then it will be easier for them to form healthy, happy, and lasting friendships. Good luck to you and your child!

` Children's friendships, school gangs, peer pressure, parental advice, cliques, social skills