Moms and Dads, you must be very familiar with your little one clinging to you, screaming and crying, when you are getting ready to go to work or just moving around a bit. Sometimes this can feel like a lot of sadness and worry, but it is actually a normal part of young children's development. Relax, this is something that almost every parent experiences. Today, let's talk about this condition called Separation Anxiety in detail.
What is this separation anxiety in children?
Simply put, separation anxiety is when your little one, whether it's a baby or toddler, cries and gets upset when you're away from them or out of sight. This is actually a very normal stage of child development. It usually starts when the baby is around 6 to 12 months old . For some children, it can last until they're about 3 years old .
Do you know why this happens to little ones? When they are young, they cannot understand that "even if something is out of sight, it is still there." We call this ``(Object Permanence)`` . That is, the ability to understand that an object or person is still there, even if they are not visible. So, when a baby does not see you, he may think that you will not come back. But as the baby grows older, he understands that you are only going away for a while and will come back.
Is this normal? Or is it something to be worried about?
It's normal to feel a lot of pain when you leave your baby at work and walk out the door, crying at your feet. But remember, this is temporary, it's only for a short time . In fact, this is a good sign of a strong bond between you and your child. It just takes a while for your child to get over this stage. Times like this can be a little stressful for both you and your child. However, by getting into the habit of saying goodbye quickly and telling your child when you'll be back, you can reduce the pain of separation.
Here's something else to understand. Separation Anxiety and Stranger Anxiety are two different things. But the symptoms can sometimes be similar. Stranger Anxiety is when a child becomes afraid and uncomfortable when they see someone they don't know. That's also a normal developmental trait for children of this age.
What are the signs of a child behaving like this?
Separation anxiety in infants and young children may include the following symptoms:
- Crying or making a fuss, even if you go to another room and they can't see you.
- Screaming loudly or throwing tantrums when you try to leave them.
- Hanging on to your own body , not letting you go.
- Crying when you drop them off at daycare or someone else's house.
- Trying to keep you close while sleeping .
These behaviors usually gradually decrease by the time a child is 2 or 3 years old . But remember, not all children are the same . Your child may need a little more time to get out of this phase. That's normal.
When does this become abnormal? Should I see a pediatrician?
Separation anxiety is a common condition that persists after your child starts preschool, usually after the age of 3. It's especially important to consider if it's affecting your child's ability to go to school or stay in school.
Separation anxiety that persists beyond the age of 3 may be a symptom of separation anxiety disorder . This is a fear and distress of separation that is so severe and inappropriate for the child's age that it interferes with daily life, mental health, and social functioning.
It's normal for young children to experience a little bit of separation anxiety when they're in a new environment or situation. For example, on the first day of school, your child may cry and cling to you, refusing to leave. But after a day or two, they should get used to the new environment and these behaviors should go away. Otherwise, if this anxiety persists day after day, week after week , it could be a sign of ``Separation Anxiety Disorder''.
If your child is over 3 years old and is experiencing severe anxiety or fear about being separated from you , be sure to talk to your pediatrician about this. Tell your doctor what you are seeing and what your child is telling you about the separation. The doctor can then diagnose the condition and refer you for treatment if necessary.
Why does my baby cry whenever I leave? What is the cause of this?
The main reason for this is that your baby feels insecure when you are not around. Young children, meaning babies and toddlers, are completely dependent on their caregivers for their safety and security. Also, as mentioned earlier, they are still learning the concept of ``Object Permanence'' . This means that even if something or someone is no longer in their sight, they do not fully understand that they are still there. So, they feel insecure when you are not around, and they do not fully understand that you will come back, so they get upset and cry.
How do we deal with this situation? What can we do as parents?
It can be challenging to comfort a child with separation anxiety. However, you can manage the situation by making small changes to your routine and keeping goodbyes short and sweet. This will make things predictable for your child, and it will give them confidence that you will return. After a while, your child will calm down and be fine without you.
Here are some things you can do to lay the groundwork for successful separations:
- ### Give your baby some time to get used to someone new.
Is a new caregiver/babysitter coming to your home? Before you take over right away, let your child get used to their presence. Spend a day or two with the three of you (you, the child, and the new one). Play. That way, even if you're away for a while, your child will feel comfortable with the new person.
- ### Try making small 'trial' reservations
Instead of leaving your child alone for the whole day, try leaving them for short periods of time, like an hour or two at first. Even if you don't have anywhere to go, use that time to do something for yourself. This is a good opportunity for self-care for you too! It also helps your child get used to being away from home.
- ### Establish a regular routine and get used to it.
Tell your child when you will see them again, and be as specific as possible about that. The more your child can trust that you will come back when you say you will, the easier it will be for them to come to terms with goodbyes. It also helps to speak in a language that your child understands. They may not understand the time on a clock, but they will understand things like, "Mommy will come after you get up from bed," or "Daddy will come after we finish playing in the evening." Talking directly to your child about your plans will help your child understand that separations are normal and not something to be afraid of.
- ### Keep farewells as short and friendly as possible.
When you say goodbye to your child, do it quickly and happily . Give them a long hug, don't look sad, smile, and say, "I'll be back soon, son/daughter." If you're anxious, your child may be even more scared. Your calm, confident demeanor will help your child feel the same way.
Finally, the most important message for parents
Seeing your baby sad and anxious without you can be unbearable. It's even harder when you think it's because of you. Remember these things about separation anxiety:
This is not your fault. Crying and clinging are normal behaviors for babies and toddlers. Don't feel guilty about going to work or going to the bathroom for a while. Your baby will calm down in a short time, and he will soon get used to your presence.
However, if your child is preschool age (or older) and is consistently experiencing severe distress when separated from you, talk to your pediatrician. It could be a sign of Separation Anxiety Disorder, which can be treated. You don't have to deal with these things alone, so get help.
` Infant, Separation Anxiety, Children, Mental Health, Parents, Behavior
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