Kodi munayamba mwadzifunsapo chifukwa chake anthu ena amangodalira ena ndi kumanga ubale, pomwe ena zimakhala zovuta? Anthu ena nthawi zonse amafunsa anzawo ndi anzawo kuti, "Kodi mudzandisowa?" "Kodi mudzandisiya?" mwanjira yoopsa. Palinso ena omwe amapewa munthu ngati ayesa kuyandikirana pang'ono, kubisa malingaliro awo. Chifukwa cha khalidweli chikhoza kukhala ubale womwe munali nawo ndi makolo anu muli mwana, kutanthauza kuti, muli khanda. Ndicho chimene timachitcha "njira zolumikizirana" mu psychology. Tiyeni tikambirane za izi lero.
Mwachidule, kodi mitundu iyi yolumikizira ndi iti?
Ndi zophweka kwambiri. Njira zolumikizirana ndi momwe osamalira athu akuluakulu (nthawi zambiri amayi kapena abambo athu) ankachitira nafe zinthu tili makanda, momwe ankakwaniritsira zosowa zathu, komanso momwe zimakhudzira ubale wathu titakula.
Taganizirani izi motere. Munachita bwanji amayi anu atakusiyani kwa kanthawi muli mwana? Kodi munali kulira kwambiri? Munali ndi mantha? Kapena munakhala chete chifukwa mumadziwa kuti "Amayi abwera posachedwa"? Komanso, munachita chiyani amayi atabweranso? Munali omasuka? Munali okwiya? Kapena munangowanyalanyaza?
Mayankho anu ku mafunso awa angakuuzeni zambiri za momwe zosowa zanu zinakwaniritsidwira muli mwana. Angakupatseninso chidziwitso cha momwe mudzachitire ndi ubwenzi wanu komanso maubwenzi anu achikondi mukadzakula.
Kodi mitundu ikuluikulu ya matai ndi iti?
Akatswiri a zamaganizo apeza mitundu inayi ikuluikulu ya njira zolumikizirana.
1. Kalembedwe Kotetezeka Kogwirizana: Uwu ndiye kalembedwe kathanzi komanso kabwino kwambiri.
2. Kalembedwe ka Kugwirizana Kodetsa Nkhawa: Iyi ndi kalembedwe kosatetezeka.
3. Kalembedwe Kopewera Kugwirizana: Iyi ndi kalembedwe kosatetezeka.
4. Kalembedwe ka Kugwirizana Kosakonzedwa: Iyi ndi kalembedwe kosatetezeka.
Cholinga chathu chiyenera kukhala kusiya njira yolumikizirana yosatetezeka ndikupita ku njira yolumikizirana yotetezeka.
Ndiye kodi njira zimenezi zolumikizirana zimakhudza bwanji ubale wathu?
Kafukufuku wa zaka zoposa 50 wasonyeza kuti ubale wamaganizo womwe munali nawo ndi wosamalira mwana wanu umakhudza mwachindunji ubale wanu wachikondi mtsogolo.
Tangoganizani kuti munali ndi mayi kapena bambo odalirika omwe amasamalira zosowa zanu zonse. Ngati ndi choncho, mudzakhala ndi ubale wolimba komanso wotetezeka mukakula. Kumbali ina, ngati wosamalira wanu sankasamalira zosowa zanu nthawi zonse, ndipo chisamaliro chawo sichinali chokhazikika, mungakhale ndi mavuto osiyanasiyana osunga ubale mukakula.
Chofunika kwambiri ndichakuti njira yolumikizirana iyi ipangidwe mkati mwa miyezi 18 yoyambirira ya moyo wanu. Chifukwa ubongo ukukula mofulumira panthawiyo, zochitika zimenezo zimatikhudza moyo wathu wonse.
1. Kalembedwe Kotetezeka Kogwirizana
Mwachidule, izi zikutanthauza luso lomanga ubale wabwino, wokhutiritsa, komanso wokhalitsa.
Ali ana: Ana awa amamva kuti ndi otetezeka, ofunika, omveka bwino, komanso omasuka ndi wowasamalira. Amalira wowasamalira akachoka kwakanthawi, koma amatonthozedwa akabwerera. Akachita mantha, amathamangira kwa wowasamalira.
Ukalamba: Ngati muli ndi kalembedwe aka, mumadzimva kuti ndinu otetezeka komanso odzidalira muubwenzi wanu ndi akuluakulu. Mumauza mnzanu wanu komanso anzanu apamtima momwe mukumvera. Mumapempha thandizo kwa ena akafunika thandizo. Mumadzionanso kuti ndinu wodzidalira.
| Makhalidwe a Chigwirizano Chotetezeka | |
|---|---|
| Kudalira ena mosavuta | Palibe mantha kapena kukayikira kosafunikira muubwenzi. |
| Kulankhulana bwino | Amanena momveka bwino zosowa zawo ndi momwe akumvera. |
| Lamulirani malingaliro | Maganizo monga chisoni ndi mkwiyo zikabuka, zimatha kuyendetsedwa bwino . |
| Kusakhala ndi vuto lokhala ndi nthawi yokha | Sikuti nthawi zonse mumafuna munthu wina kuti mukhale osangalala. |
| Kuthetsa mikangano | Vuto likabuka, amayesa kulithetsa mwa kukambirana m'malo mokalipila. |
2. Kalembedwe ka Kugwirizana Kodetsa Nkhawa
Iyi ndi njira yodzidalira yodzidalira. Anthu omwe ali ndi njira imeneyi nthawi zambiri amaopa kukanidwa ndi kusiyidwa . Chifukwa chake, nthawi zonse amayang'ana kwa ena kuti awatsimikizire.
Ali ana: Ana awa amakhumudwa kwambiri akalekana ndi makolo awo. Komabe, salimbikitsidwa makolo awo akabwerera. Angakhalenso okwiya. Ana awa sakhulupirira alendo kuposa ana ena.
Kukula: Akakula, anthuwa nthawi zambiri amamva kuti anzawo kapena anzawo sakuwakonda kwenikweni. Chifukwa cha izi, amakhala ndi mantha akulu oti angakanidwe kapena kusiyidwa. Amadziona kuti ndi otsika. Amafuna nthawi zonse kuvomerezedwa ndi ena kuti amve kuti alandiridwa. Amasweka kwambiri ubale wawo ukatha.
| Makhalidwe a Kugwirizana ndi Nkhawa | |
|---|---|
| Kudzimva wopanda pake | Maganizo ngati akuti "Sindili bwino" amabwera nthawi zonse. |
| Kusakhudzidwa kwambiri ndi kutsutsidwa | Ngakhale mutanena kanthu kakang'ono, kamatanthauza zambiri. |
| Kuvuta kukhala wekha | Nthawi zonse ndimamva kufunika kokhala ndi munthu wina. |
| Kuvuta kukhulupirira ena | Nthawi zonse ndimamuyang'ana ndi chikayikiro, ndikudabwa kuti, "Kodi munthu uyu amandikondadi?" |
| Nsanje | Mungakhale ndi nsanje ngakhale mnzanu akamalankhula ndi anthu ena. |
3. Kalembedwe Kopewera Kugwirizana
Iyi ndi njira yodziyimira payokha yosatetezeka. Anthu omwe ali ndi njira iyi amavutika kupanga maubwenzi abwino chifukwa choopa kuyanjana . Sakonda kukhala pafupi kwambiri.
Ali ana: Makanda ndi ana awa safuna chitonthozo kuchokera kwa osamalira awo. Sangakane ngati atapatsidwa, koma nthawi zambiri amapewa kuyanjana. Ana awa saona kusiyana kwakukulu pakati pa osamalira awo ndi alendo.
Monga wamkulu: Ngati muli ndi kalembedwe aka, mungapewe ubale wapamtima. Simukondana kwambiri ndi anzanu ndi okondedwa anu. Anthu awa ali ndi ufulu wodziyimira pawokha . Amamva kuti akuopsezedwa ngati wina ayesa kuyandikirana nawo. Izi zimapangitsa kuti zikhale zovuta kwambiri kuti afotokoze zakukhosi kwawo kwakuya ndi ena.
| Makhalidwe a Kugwirizana Kosaloledwa | |
|---|---|
| Kudziyimira pawokha mwamphamvu | Maganizo akuti "Sindikufuna thandizo la aliyense, nditha kuchita chilichonse ndekha." |
| Kuchotsa ena mosavuta | Ngati wina ayesa kuyandikira, amamunyalanyaza kapena kumupewa. |
| Kuvuta kukhulupirira ena | Amaganiza kuti akanena zakukhosi kwawo, adzagwiritsa ntchito zimenezo polimbana nawo. |
| Kuopa kukhala paubwenzi ndi munthu wina | Kumva kusamasuka mukamayandikira munthu m'maganizo kapena mwakuthupi. |
| Nkhani zokhuza kudzipereka | Amaopa kulowa muubwenzi weniweni kapena kukwatirana. |
4. Kalembedwe ka Kugwirizana Kosakonzedwa
Iyi ndi mtundu wachitatu wa kalembedwe kodzidalira. Anthu omwe ali ndi kalembedwe aka sasinthasintha machitidwe awo ndipo amavutika kukhulupirira ena.
Paubwana: Ana omwe ali ndi kalembedwe aka nthawi zambiri amawonetsa chisokonezo. Angamve mantha kuti chinachake choipa chingachitike. Izi nthawi zambiri zimachitika chifukwa cha kusakhazikika kwa khalidwe la munthu amene amawasamalira. Mwachitsanzo, munthu ameneyo nthawi zina amatonthoza mwanayo, koma nthawi zina amamuopseza mwanayo. Choncho mwanayo sangakhulupirire mokwanira munthu amene amawasamalira. Chifukwa munthu yemweyo amene amawavulaza nthawi zina amabweretsanso chitonthozo. Kalembedwe aka nthawi zambiri kamapezeka mwa ana omwe azunzidwa, kuvulala, kapena kunyalanyazidwa .
Kukula: Monga akuluakulu, khalidwe la anthuwa likhoza kukhala losokoneza komanso losayembekezereka. Amafuna chikondi ndi kulumikizana, koma amaopa. Zotsatira zake, amatha kukhala ndi chizolowezi chofunafuna chikondi kenako n’kuchikana mobwerezabwereza akachilandira. Angakhale pafupi kwambiri ndi mnzawo tsiku lina, kenako n’kusiya kugwirizana naye kwambiri tsiku lotsatira.
| Zizindikiro za Chigwirizano Chosakonzedwa | |
|---|---|
| Kuvuta kukhulupirira ena | Kuopa kuti amene amawakonda angawapweteke. |
| Kuvuta kulamulira malingaliro | Maganizo amakwera ndi kugwa mwadzidzidzi. |
| Kuwonetsa zizindikiro zonse za nkhawa ndi kupewa | Nthawi zina amayesa kuyandikira, nthawi zina amachoka. |
| Kuopa kukanidwa | Mantha amenewa amachititsa anthu kudzipatula ku maubwenzi asanayambe. |
| Khalidwe lotsutsana | Maganizo otsutsana monga "Ndikufuna iwe, koma usandiyang'ane." |
Kodi kalembedwe ka tayi aka kangasinthidwe?
Inde, mungathe! Nkhani yabwino kwambiri ndi imeneyi. Kusintha kumeneku kumayamba ndi kudzidziwa bwino . Mukazindikira zomwe mumakonda kumva, zomwe mumakonda muubwenzi wanu wachikulire, mutha kuyamba kusintha malingaliro akale.
Ngakhale kuti mungathe kuchita izi nokha pamlingo winawake, ndikofunikira kulankhula ndi mlangizi kapena katswiri wa zamaganizo amene angakuthandizeni paulendowu. Angakuthandizeni kumvetsetsa zinthu izi, kuchiritsa mabala akale, komanso kumanga ubale wabwino. Muthanso kulankhula ndi dokotala wa banja lanu za izi.
Kodi ndingamange bwanji ubale 'wotetezeka' ndi mwana wanga?
Monga kholo, ubale wachikondi umene mumamanga ndi mwana wanu ndi wofunika kwambiri. Zili ngati kupatsa mwana wanu mapu ndi kampasi asanayambe ulendo wake wa moyo.
Taganizirani ngati simenti. Mukakhala ndi simenti yatsopano, mutha kuyipanga kukhala mawonekedwe aliwonse omwe mukufuna. Koma ikauma, pamafunika khama lalikulu kuti musinthe. Chifukwa chake, zimakhala zosavuta kutsogolera thanzi la mwana wanu panthawi yomwe akukula.
Ndiye mumamanga bwanji ubale wabwino ndi mwana wanu? Choyamba, pumirani mpweya wakuya. Kuwerenga nkhaniyi kumatanthauza kuti mukufuna kudziwa bwino za ubwino wa mwana wanu. Mwina mwachibadwa mukupatsa mwana wanu zomwe akufunikira. Nazi zina zomwe zingathandize:
- Dziperekeni kwa mwanayo ndi zosowa zake:Sikothandiza kupatsa mwana wanu chisamaliro cha 100% nthawi zonse. Koma khalani ndi mwana wanu nthawi zonse ngakhale pamene sakuyembekezera. Mwanjira imeneyi, mwana wanu adzamvetsa kuti mukufuna kukhala naye chifukwa cha iye.
- Tsimikizirani momwe mukumvera: Samalani zomwe mwana wanu akumva ndipo muthandizeni kulemba zomwe akukumvazo. Mukumbutseni kuti "kukwiya ndi chisoni ndikwachibadwa, ndipo pali chifukwa cha malingaliro aliwonse." Kuwathandiza kupeza njira zabwino zothetsera malingaliro ovuta monga mkwiyo kudzalimbitsa ubale wanu.
- Chitani nawo zinthu zomwe mwana wanu amakonda komanso zomwe amakonda: Dziwani zomwe mwana wanu amakonda. Kambiranani zomwe amakonda ndikupeza njira zolumikizirana naye.
- Sangalalani kukhala limodzi popanda chifukwa: Monga kholo, gawo lalikulu la ntchito yanu ndikutsogolera mwana wanu. Zimenezo n'zofunika kwambiri. Komanso ndikofunikira kukhala naye nthawi popanda chifukwa chenicheni. Mwanjira imeneyi, mwana wanu adzadziwa momwe mumamukondera komanso kuti mumamulandira momwe alili.
Ubwenzi umene mumamanga ndi mwana wanu m'miyezi 18 yoyambirira ya moyo wake ungakhudze momwe amachitira zinthu ndi inu pa moyo wake wonse. Choncho khalani ogwirizana komanso omvetsetsana mukamacheza ndi mwana wanu. Muthanso kulankhula ndi dokotala wa ana a mwana wanu za izi ndikupeza upangiri wowonjezera.
Uthenga Wopita Nawo Kunyumba
- Ubale umene munali nawo ndi anthu amene ankakusamalirani muli ana, makamaka m'miyezi 18 yoyambirira, ndi umene unakhazikitsa maziko a ubale umene mudzakhala nawo mukadzakula.
- Pali njira zinayi zazikulu zolumikizirana, imodzi mwa izi ndi yathanzi ndipo cholinga chake chikhale cholumikizirana chotetezeka.
- Kuzindikira kalembedwe kanu kogwirizana ndi gawo loyamba paulendo wopita ku kusintha kwabwino.
- Ngakhale mutakhala ndi kalembedwe kodzidalira, n'zotheka kusintha ndikumanga ubale wabwino.
- Monga kholo, mungathe kuthandiza kwambiri kuti mukhale ndi ubale wolimba ndi mwana wanu.
- Ngati muli ndi nkhawa ndi momwe mumakhalira paubwenzi wanu kapena kukula kwa maganizo a mwana wanu, musazengereze kulankhula ndi dokotala wanu kapena mlangizi woyenerera.
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