Does trying too hard to be happy lead to sadness? Let's talk about this! (Happiness Paradox)

We all want to be happy in life, right? But sometimes the very things we do that we think will make us happier end up making us even more unhappy and frustrated. Like a birthday party that we planned out so much and ended up not being as happy as we thought, or a New Year's Eve party that didn't turn out as well as we hoped. Why does that happen? Today we're going to talk about something that's surprising, but unfamiliar to most people. It's called the Happiness Paradox. Simply put, the more we pursue happiness, the further it eludes us.

What is this paradox of happiness?

Nowadays, everything around us tells us to be happier. Photos of smiling friends on social media , self-help books, TED talks, all of these things tell us that "happiness is an achievable goal." But that's where the problem starts. Psychologists say that if you work hard for any other goal, you will gradually get closer to that goal. But happiness works the other way around. The more you try to be happy, the more you miss out on happiness. It's like a little sand in your hand. When you're on the beach, you can feel the coolness of the sand on your feet. It's a beautiful feeling. But what happens if you take a handful of sand and try to hold it tightly? The sand slips through your fingers. The more you try to hold it, the more empty it becomes. Happiness is the same.

What happens to the brain and self-control when we pursue happiness?

To explore this further, psychologists Sam Maglio and Akyong Kim conducted some very interesting experiments. What they found was truly amazing. In one of their experiments, they gave people several bowls of chocolate. One group was told to think about their happiness. The other group was not. The result? The group that was told to think about happiness ate more chocolate than the others. This means that they had less self-control when thinking about happiness. In another experiment, one group was told to choose an item that they thought would make them happy. The others were told to choose something they liked. Then they were given a series of puzzles to solve. Surprisingly, the group that was trying to find happiness was not very interested in solving the puzzles, and they quickly gave up.This led researchers to understand that when we pursue the goal of happiness, it pulls our attention in different directions. It's like trying to do too much at once. This depletes our mental resources. The end result is that we lose the energy needed to make good decisions in life, and we become even more unhappy. While eating that chocolate may seem like a pleasure at the time, in the long run it leads to a loss of self-control and makes us even more unhappy.

Thinking too much about happiness can have adverse consequences!

Another psychologist, Iris Maus, has studied this in more depth. According to her, worrying too much about happiness, that is, constantly thinking, "Am I happy now?" "Why am I not happy?", is like a drop of poison slowly added to our lives. Imagine, you are chatting with your friends. But in the back of your mind, there is a question, 'Am I really happy right now?' Instead of enjoying the happiness in that moment, you start measuring your happiness. What happens is that you miss the real happiness of that beautiful moment. When you measure every little thing in this way, it only leads to disappointment.

So how can you be truly happy?

Does all of this mean that we shouldn't try to be happy? No, it's not. What we need to understand here is that happiness is not a goal, it's a byproduct . That is, happiness arises automatically as a result of the things we do, the way we live. The table below can help you understand this difference better.

So what do we do?

The first thing is to stop judging your feelings. It's normal to feel sad or angry. Allow those feelings to come and try to understand them. Don't blame yourself for saying, "Why am I like this?" The second and most important thing is to live in the moment. Focus on what you're doing now, without regretting the past or worrying too much about the future. If you're drinking tea, enjoy the taste and smell of the tea. If you're playing with a child, be completely present in that moment with that child. The psychologist Sam Maglio, mentioned earlier, applied this lesson to his own life after this research. He realized that his happiness lay with his family. But he realized that the biggest enemy of that time was his smartphone. So he did something very simple. When he got home from work, he would put his phone downstairs and not pick it up until the next morning. Within a few months, he felt much happier than he had ever been. Happiness is not something that can be bought with money. It is within all of us. To find it, we need to stop chasing it and appreciate what we have in the moment. If you are constantly feeling unhappy, anxious, or stressed, it is important to seek professional help. Talk to your doctor or a mental health professional.