Should we prepare the older child for the new baby coming to the family? (New Sibling Preparation)

When you're ready to bring another baby into your home, the biggest question on your mind is about your older child, right? It's normal to have thoughts like, 'Will he miss me?', 'Will he be jealous of the baby?'. The arrival of a new member means a big change for you, your older child, and even your pets. But don't worry, with a little patience and a little preparation, we can face this challenge very successfully.

Let's talk about this with the older child.

How much your older child will understand about a new sibling will depend on their age. But you can get close to them and start talking to them about it. Explain to them simply what newborns look like and what they do. Imagine that your older child is still sleeping in a crib. So, buy him a new bed a few months before the new baby comes home and get him used to it. That way, he won't feel like "I gave my place to the baby." Also, stop calling the crib your older child's and start calling it "the baby's crib." The same goes for his old baby clothes. Give him the feeling that "these are the things we use for babies at home." If possible, take your older child with you when you go to the clinic. Let him hear the baby's heartbeat . You can also show your older child photos when he was little and tell him what babies look like and how they drink milk. No matter how much you try to prepare him, he will only understand the full meaning of having a new sibling once he sees the baby with his own eyes. He may think that he is getting someone to play with like the 3-year-old brother next door. So there may be a difference between his fantasy and the reality. That's normal. When you go to the hospital to meet the baby, frame a photo of your older child and keep it by your bed. Don't say anything about it. The children will definitely see it. Then they will think, "Mommy hasn't forgotten me, she hasn't abandoned me."

What happens after the baby comes home?

Although the new baby may seem very attractive to the older child at first, after a while, when he realizes the reality, he may feel bad feelings like anger, sadness, and frustration. This is very normal, don't worry about it.Some parents may also feel sad and lonely during this time. They may think, "Oh, what did I do to my older child?" We may grieve for that lost bond. That's normal. The most important thing is to accept your child's bad feelings as they are. Don't scold or blame them for those feelings. Instead, don't let them deal with those feelings alone, talk about them, and offer them comfort. For example, if someone asks them, "Why is Mommy holding that baby? Can't you just put him away?", they may feel a great sense of relief. They will realize, "Oh, I'm not the only one who feels this way."

A few little tips

• Relax the rules: Don't scold your child for playing loudly even though the TV is on. Get your baby used to the normal sounds of the house. If he's too loud, engage him in another quiet activity.
• Get help: Don't treat the baby like an object that needs to be taken care of. Give the older child small chores too. Say things like, "Bring those wipes, son," or "Bring this diaper, daughter."
• Set aside special time: No matter how busy you are, set aside at least 10 minutes a day to spend alone with your older child. It doesn't have to be a big deal. It can be as simple as sitting on the floor with him and playing car games, or buying him a chocolate bar he likes when you go shopping.
• Struggling to be a baby again? Sometimes your older child starts acting like a little baby again. We call this regression . He wets the bed, asks for a bottle, and asks for a diaper. He does it because he wants the attention a baby gets. Don't scold him at that time. Don't say, "You're a big boy now." If he says he wants a bottle or a diaper for a few days, let him. Most of the time, after you let go of that feeling, he'll want to be "big brother" or "big sister" again.

Let's also think about the pets at home?

Don't forget about your dog or cat when you have a new baby. It's a big change in their lives too. New smells, new sounds, a changed routine... all of this is new to them. Sometimes pets can start vomiting, acting out, pooping in the house, chewing things, and screaming at night because of this stress. Animals don't understand complex emotions like "jealousy." They're often upset and confused . So punishing them is the worst thing you can do. Instead, get them used to this new member. In the end, this is all temporary. This is just a small adjustment period that we all go through as a family. In time, this difficult time will be just a memory. The new member will bring more love and happiness to the family. Second baby, older child, sibling rivalry Sinhala , new baby preparation, child jealousy, new member to the family, pregnancy