Social Media Sympathy: Let's Talk About This

It is very difficult to bear the grief that arises when we lose a friend or family member. In the past, that is, in the time of our parents, there were very beautiful customs to give strength to the family in times of such grief and to express their condolences. Someone would visit a funeral home, lay a wreath, sometimes prepare some food and give it, and send a letter expressing their condolences. All of this gave those grieving a great deal of strength and a feeling that they were not alone.

But things have changed a lot these days. Almost everything happens through social media now. When someone passes away, we often first see the news on Facebook or in a WhatsApp status. This method has its advantages and disadvantages. Since there are no clear rules to follow when expressing condolences on social media, sometimes a comment we post or a question we ask can hurt the grieving person even more. Therefore, it is very important for us to be a little aware of this.

Has social media made it easier to express condolences?

In fact, according to Jocelyn DeGroot, a communications expert who researches this, social media hasn't changed the way we express our grief much. People used to write letters to their loved ones, celebrate their birthdays, and commemorate the day they died. Now, those same things are happening on places like Facebook and Instagram.

There are actually many advantages to this.

• Informing everyone at once: Imagine how difficult it is to call everyone and tell them, "We're sorry to hear that you've passed away" while you're still grieving. By posting the news on social media once, everyone who needs to know can hear it. That's a huge relief.
• Support from a large group: At a time like this, the condolences and comments received from friends who don't usually talk much give the family a lot of strength. They feel like "we are with you."

But remember, along with these advantages, there are also many opportunities for things to happen that will make us uncomfortable and hurt our feelings.

What mistakes do we make without realizing it?

Because social media is an open place, sometimes people's behavior can make someone who is grieving feel even more helpless.

The first thing is to search for unnecessary details.. There are some people, they are not really your close friends, but they are friends on Facebook. But they think they have the right to know every detail. They ask questions like "How did you lose?", "What's wrong?", "What happened in the end?" as a comment where everyone can see.

As Ms. DeGroot says, "If you're really close friends with the person, they'll probably have given you the details in some other way (like a call) before Facebook. If you have to ask them in public, 'What happened?', that means it's not your business."

The second thing is saying inappropriate, hurtful things . Many people in our society are not taught how to express grief properly. So some people say hurtful things without realizing it. For example, when someone loses their father , another person comments, "Oh, I feel your pain too, my dog ​​also died last week." That trivializes the death of that person's father. It can hurt them even more.

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So, how exactly do we express our condolences?

There are some simple things we can do on social media to help others without hurting their feelings.

1. Speak simply and honestly

You don't need big words or long sentences. Simply saying something like, "I'm so sorry to hear this news. This must be hard for you to bear. I'm here if you need to talk." The most important thing is to say it sincerely.

2. Give advice, don't brag.

This is very important. Some people think that what they say will make the person's sadness go away. Don't say things like, "He's in a better place now," "Everything will be okay in time," "Don't cry, be strong." As Mrs. DeGroot says, "You can't make anyone happy. You have to let them feel their sadness." Our job is not to make their sadness go away, but to make them feel that they are not alone in their grief.

3. Don't stay silent.

You may only talk to that person on Facebook. But don't say anything just because you don't want to. Even leaving a little note, a comment like "I am sorry for your loss," is a big help to that person at that time. The only great thing is to feel that someone is thinking about them.

Finally, don't stop there just because you left a comment on social media. It's just a start. If possible, call them in two or three days. Leave a message and ask, "How are you?" Ask, "Is there anything I can do for you? Do you need to go to the store? Do you need help with something at home?" Just like our people used to cook a meal for a funeral, doing a small favor is worth more than a hundred social media comments.