It's so exciting to watch your child grow from a young age to a full-grown adult, isn't it? But this period between childhood and adulthood, called 'adolescence,' is a very special one. During this time, not only their bodies but also their minds and brains undergo a lot of changes. Sometimes this can be a bit challenging for both parents and children, but at the same time it can be a very important time.
What is adolescence?
Simply put, adolescence is the transitional period from childhood to adulthood. During this time, your child's body, brain, thoughts, emotions, and social relationships undergo many changes. They gradually begin to find their own identity and become independent. Some of these changes happen very quickly, and sometimes in different ways. So this can be an exciting time, but sometimes a difficult time.
Physical Changes - What are these?
The main change that occurs in children's bodies during this period is puberty . This is due to several types of special hormones released by the brain. Due to these hormones, the child's body changes rapidly and the sexual organs begin to mature.
Your child will suddenly grow taller and bigger. We call this a 'growth spurt' . Along with this, there may be increased sweating, body odor, acne, and increased body hair growth. Girls usually experience this growth spurt earlier than boys, between the ages of 10 and 14. Boys are most likely to experience it between the ages of 14 and 17.
Girls begin to develop breasts. This can start as early as age 10, and should be complete by age 14. About two years after the breasts and pubic hair begin to appear, menstruation occurs for the first time.
Boys' penises and testicles develop. They experience sexual intercourse, having erections and ejaculations . (Erectile dysfunction is normal from birth (even visible during prenatal scans) and into adulthood.)
While these physical changes happen to everyone, the timing and order in which they occur can vary from one child to another. Some children reach puberty early, while others reach puberty late. In both cases, being different from their peers can put them under extra pressure.
Important: If you feel like your child is going through puberty too early or too late, see a pediatrician or adolescent medicine specialist. Ignoring these issues can affect bone growth and overall development.
Does the way the brain works also change? (Cognitive Changes)
At this young age, brain development is at a much higher level than in childhood. Young children can only think logically about concrete things they see and experience. That is, about things that are "here and now." But young children begin to overcome these limitations and think about "possible things," things that go beyond what they actually see. They can work with complex, abstract ideas, test hypotheses, and see infinite possibilities. However, they can still often display egocentric behaviors and attitudes.
During this time, a large number of neurons in the brain develop rapidly. The way these neurons connect to each other also improves. This is why they are able to think more complexly and deeply.
What is the last part of the brain to form?
The frontal cortex, the part of your child's brain that is at the front of the brain, is one of the last parts to fully develop. It is fully matured by the time your child is in their mid- to late twenties. This area of the brain controls executive functions . That means planning, prioritizing, and controlling impulses. Because this area develops late, your young child may sometimes make poor decisions, engage in risk-taking behaviors, and have frequent mood swings.
When a young child is acting impulsively and not using their frontal cortex properly, that thought process is called "Hot Cognition." "Cold Cognition" refers to using the logical part of the brain, not being "cold." Parents can help move a young child from this "hot" state to a "cold" state by treating them with compassion, asking questions rather than lecturing them, and setting high expectations for them.
What are the mental characteristics that develop during adolescence?
The mental symptoms that develop during this period are:
- Abstract thinking ability
- Reasoning skills
- Impulse control
- Creativity
- Problem-solving abilities
- Decision-making skills
How do feelings and emotions change? (Emotional Changes)
At a young age, your child begins to observe, measure, and manage their emotions. This means they become more aware of their own emotions and the emotions of others. This process of developing emotions gives your child the opportunity to develop their talents and discover their own unique qualities. As they become more independent, some young children happily take on these new challenges. Others may need adult support to build their self-confidence.
"What I think about myself" - Self-Esteem
The physical, hormonal, and emotional changes your child goes through during adolescence can affect their self-esteem. Children who reach puberty earlier or later than their peers may be embarrassed about their bodies. "Fitting in" is a very important part of their self-esteem during this time. Self-esteem is a complex thing. Some young children may have high self-esteem around family members but low self-esteem among friends.
As parents, it is not appropriate to be a "Helicopter Parent" who jumps over everything and helps, nor a "Snowplow Parent" who removes every obstacle in front of a child. Instead, a "Lighthouse Parent" is most helpful for young children. This type of parent allows children to explore their own decision-making abilities while keeping boundaries in place when it comes to safety or morality. The role of caring adults who serve as lighthouses can be life-changing for young children.
Although it's a challenging part of adolescence, it's important for your child to learn to accept who they are and to feel capable. They can develop their self-esteem by:
- Made mistakes.
- Learning from those mistakes.
- Taking responsibility for their actions.
Social Changes
During this time, young children are also developing socially. One of the most important tasks in social development during adolescence is the search for identity . This is often a lifelong journey, but it begins at this young age. Another thing that comes with the search for identity is the struggle for independence . Your child:
- You may begin to take an interest in your sexuality and romantic relationships.
- You can ask for help less often when a challenge arises.
- You can show more independence.
- You can spend less time with yourself and more time with your friends.
- Sometimes you may feel anxious , sad, or depressed . This can lead to problems with schoolwork or even reckless behavior.
"Who am I?" - Finding Yourself (Identity Development)
Identity development is about your child finding a strong sense of self, a sense of identity, and a connection to others. A positive self-identity is important because it shapes your child's perception of belonging throughout their life.
A positive self-identity is also associated with high self-esteem. You can strengthen your child's positive self-identity by:
- By encouraging their efforts.
- By appreciating their good choices.
- By encouraging perseverance.
How is social media influential?
Social media can negatively impact your child’s health and development. Young children are reported to be more likely to be cyberbullied and exposed to inappropriate content online. Additionally, socializing online is not the same as socializing in person. Young children miss out on important facial expressions and body language that are only seen when they meet someone face to face. Young children can also start to feel bad about themselves by comparing themselves to others they see online. All of these factors can lead to low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety.
Choosing right from wrong (Moral Changes)
At a young age, your child can begin to think about the world in deeper, more abstract ways. This shapes the way they see the world and how they want to interact with it. It also begins to develop morals and values that your child will carry with them throughout their lives.
Your child may begin to understand that not all decisions are black or white. As they begin to understand why others make different decisions than they do, they develop empathy. They also begin to understand more deeply why the world has rules. They develop their own opinions about what is right and what is wrong. They may also spend time thinking about their religious beliefs and spirituality. Encourage these kinds of conversations with your child whenever you get the chance. As your child learns to think about problems and situations, you will practice the art of listening and learning.
Can things like ADHD emerge during this time?
Doctors usually diagnose attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) in childhood. But some people are diagnosed with it in their teens or early adulthood. Young children with undiagnosed ADHD may struggle with ADHD symptoms more as they get older. Other young children may have undiagnosed learning disorders or ways of processing information differently than normal. A decline in academic performance can be a red flag for undiagnosed ADHD, learning disabilities, or other mental health issues, including depression.
How can we help as parents? (Parental Support)
Adolescence can be a difficult time for both you and your child. But if you make a special effort to understand each other, you can prevent your home from becoming a war zone. These tips can help parents:
- When your child wants to talk, give them your full attention. Don't read books, check emails, watch TV, or do anything else.
- Listen calmly, try to hear and understand your child's point of view. Tell them back what you heard.
- Speak to your child politely and kindly, just as you would to a stranger. The tone of your voice determines the nature of the conversation.
- Even if you don't always approve of your child's behavior, understand their feelings. Don't be judgmental. Keep the door open to talking about any subject. Be an "open/accessible" parent.
- Avoid embarrassing your child. Don't laugh at questions and statements that seem childish or silly to you.
- Encourage your child to "test out" new ideas in conversation. Don't judge their ideas and opinions. Instead, listen and express yours clearly and honestly. Love and mutual respect can coexist with different opinions.
- Help your child build self-confidence. Encourage them to participate in activities they enjoy (not that you enjoy).
- Try to praise your child regularly and appropriately. Often we just forget about the good things and focus on the bad things. Your child needs to know that you appreciate them.
- If you see them doing something good, encourage them to do more of that kind of thing.
- Encourage your child to participate in family decision-making and to solve family problems together with you.
- Understand that your child needs to challenge your opinions and the way you do things. This is how they gain separation from you, which is essential for their own adult identity.
Some advice for young children (Advice for Adolescents)
- Avoid seeing your parents as enemies. They often love you and want the best for you, even if you don't agree with the way they show it.
- Try to understand that your parents are human beings with their own insecurities, needs, and feelings.
- Listen to your parents with an open mind. Try to see things from their perspective.
- Share your feelings with your parents so they can understand you better.
- Fulfill your responsibilities at home and at school. Then your parents will be more inclined to give you the independence you want and need.
- Add suggestions for practical improvements to your criticisms of family, school, and government.
- Treat your parents as politely and considerately as you would your friends' parents.
The most important things we want to take home from this story are:
Adolescence is an exciting, yet stressful time as your child transitions into adulthood. There are many big changes happening during this time, and the journey isn’t always smooth. These changes happen quickly, and sometimes at different rates for each child. From physical development to emotional changes, be ready to support your child as they begin to figure out who they are and their place in the world. Remember, your love, understanding, and guidance are more important than ever during this time.
` Youth, adolescence, adolescent development, puberty, hormones, mental health, parenting advice, child development
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