Let's learn about the attachment styles that determine the pattern of your relationships.

Have you ever wondered why it is so easy for some people to trust others and build relationships, while for others it is so difficult? Some people always ask their friends and partners, "Will you miss me?" "Will you leave me?" in a fearful way. There are others, who avoid someone if they try to get even a little closer, hiding their feelings. The reason behind this behavior may be the relationship you had with your parents when you were a child, that is, when you were a baby. That is what we call "attachment styles" in psychology. Let's talk about this simply today.

Simply put, what are these attachment styles?

It's very simple. Attachment styles are the way our primary caregiver (usually our mother or father) interacted with us as infants, how they met our needs, and how they affect our relationships as adults.

Think about it this way. How did you react when your mother left you for a while when you were a child? Did you cry a lot? Were you scared? Or did you stay calm because you knew "Mom will be back soon"? Also, what did you do when Mom came back? Were you relieved? Were you angry? Or did you just ignore her?

Your answers to these questions can tell you a lot about how your needs were met as a baby. They can also give you a big clue about how you will handle your friendships and romantic relationships as an adult.

What are the main types of tie styles?

Psychologists have identified four main types of attachment styles.

1. Secure Attachment Style: This is the healthiest and best style.

2. Anxious Attachment Style: This is an insecure style.

3. Avoidant Attachment Style: This is also an insecure style.

4. Disorganized Attachment Style: This is also an insecure style.

Our goal should be to move away from an insecure attachment style and toward a secure attachment style.

So how do these attachment styles affect our relationships?

More than 50 years of research has proven that the emotional bond you had with your childhood caregiver directly affects your future romantic relationships.

Imagine that you had a reliable mother or father who looked after your every need. If so, you are much more likely to develop stable, secure relationships as an adult. On the other hand, if your caregiver did not always look after your needs, and their care was not consistent, you may have various problems maintaining relationships as an adult.

1. Secure Attachment Style

Simply put, this refers to the ability to build healthy, satisfying, and long-lasting relationships.

In childhood: These children feel safe, valued, understood, and comfortable with their caregiver. They cry when their caregiver goes away for a while, but are comforted when they return. When they are scared, they run to their caregiver.

Adulthood: If you have this style, you feel secure and confident in your adult relationships. You openly share your feelings with your partner and close friends. You ask for help from others when needed. You also have good self-esteem.

2. Anxious Attachment Style

This is an insecure attachment style. People with this style often fear rejection and abandonment . Therefore, they constantly look to others for validation.

In childhood: These children are very upset when separated from their parents. However, they are not comforted when their parents return. They may even be angry. These children are more distrustful of strangers than other children.

Adulthood: As adults, these people may often feel that their partners or friends do not truly love them. Because of this, they have a great fear of rejection or abandonment. They have low self-esteem. They constantly need the approval of others to feel accepted. They are very broken when relationships end.

3. Avoidant Attachment Style

This is also an insecure attachment style. People with this style have difficulty forming meaningful relationships due to their fear of intimacy . They don't like to get emotionally close.

In childhood: These babies and children do not seek comfort from their caregivers. They will not refuse if it is offered, but they often avoid interaction. These children do not see much difference between their caregivers and strangers.

As an adult: As an adult, if you have this style, you may avoid close relationships. You don't get emotionally attached to your friends and partners. These people have a very strong sense of independence . They feel threatened if someone tries to get close to them. This makes it very difficult for them to share their deepest feelings with others.

4. Disorganized Attachment Style

This is the third insecure attachment style. People with this style behave inconsistently and have a hard time trusting others.

During childhood: Children with this style often show a confused nature. They may feel afraid that something bad will happen. This is often due to the lack of consistency in the behavior of the person who takes care of them. For example, that person sometimes comforts the child, but at other times scares the child. So the child cannot fully trust the person who takes care of them. Because the same person who harms them sometimes also brings comfort. This style is often seen in children who have been abused, traumatized, or neglected .

Adulthood: As adults, these people's behavior can be confusing and unpredictable. They want love and connection, but they are afraid of it. As a result, they may develop a pattern of seeking love and then repeatedly rejecting it when they get it. They may be very close to their partner one day, and completely distant the next.

Can this tie style be changed?

Yes, you can! That's the best news. Changing this starts with self-awareness . Once you recognize what your emotional tendencies are, what patterns you have in your adult relationships, you can begin to change those old thought patterns.

While you can do this on your own to some extent, it's worth talking to a counselor or therapist who can help you on this journey. They can help you understand these things, heal old wounds, and build healthy relationships. You can also talk to your family doctor about this.

How do I build a 'Secure' bond with my child?

As a parent, the emotional bond you build with your child is very important. It's like giving your child a map and a compass before they start their journey through life.

Think of it like cement. When you have fresh cement, you can mold it into any shape you want. But once it dries, it takes a lot of effort to change it. So, it's much easier to guide your child's emotional health during their developmental period.

So how do you build this secure attachment with your child? First, take a deep breath. The fact that you are reading this article means that you are interested in your child's well-being. You are probably already instinctively giving your child what they need. Here are some more things that may help:

• Give your child and his/her needs your full attention: It's not practical to give your child 100% of your attention all the time. But spend time with your child even when they don't expect it. This will show your child that you want to be with them because of them.
• Validate feelings: Pay attention to what your child is feeling and help them label those feelings. Remind them that "feeling angry and sad is normal, and there is a reason for every feeling." Helping them find healthy ways to manage difficult emotions like anger will strengthen your bond.
• Engage in your child's interests and hobbies: Learn about your child's interests. Talk about what they like and find ways to connect with them.
• Enjoy spending time together for no reason: As a parent, a big part of your job is to guide your child. That's essential. But it's also important to spend time with them for no particular reason. That way, your child will know how much you love them and that you accept them just the way they are.

The bond you build with your baby in the first 18 months of his life can affect the way he interacts with you throughout his life. So be consistent and understanding when dealing with your baby. You can also talk to your baby's pediatrician about this and get more advice.

Attachment Styles, Mental Health, Relationships, Parenting, Secure Attachment, Anxious Attachment