Do you sometimes feel this way too? When your friends say things like, “Oh, she’s pretty, I have a crush on her” when you first meet someone new, don’t you have that feeling? Or do you only feel sexually attracted to someone after you get to know them well, have a close friendship, or a deep bond? That’s the kind of situation we’re going to talk about today. This is called Demisexuality.
What is Demisexuality?
Simply put, Demisexuality is a sexual orientation . People who identify as Demisexual are sexually attracted to someone only after they have developed a deep emotional bond with that person. Compared to the general population, many Demisexual people experience sexual attraction very rarely. Some may have very little interest in sexual activity, or even no interest at all.
Think about it, most people can feel sexual attraction to someone, whether they have an emotional connection with them or not. They can be sexually attracted to someone they don't know or meet for the first time. But a Demisexual doesn't feel this initial sexual attraction.
But it is important to remember that there is no guarantee that a psychological connection will lead to sexual attraction. However, that connection is essential for even thinking about sexual activity. Even if such a sexual attraction occurs, the desire for sexual activity is often of a low intensity.
The time it takes for this emotional connection to develop varies from person to person. For some Demisexuals, this connection can develop quickly. For others, it can happen after years of dating. This emotional connection does not necessarily have to be a romantic feeling. It can also be a close, friendly friendship.
How do I know my identity? Is there a test for demisexuality?
No, there is no test that can tell you exactly what your sexuality is. But you can ask yourself these questions:
- Who are you sexually attracted to? How do they make you feel?
- Do you feel sexual attraction? If so, how often? How strong is the feeling?
- How important is sexual attraction when you decide to date someone?
- Do you find yourself sexually attracted to new people you meet, you don't know?
There are no right or wrong answers to these questions, but thinking about them can be a start to understanding your sexual identity .
What does it mean to be asexual or on the asexual spectrum ?
People who identify as asexual'' experience little or no sexual attraction. They may also lose interest in sexual matters.
Demisexuals are sometimes lumped under the umbrella term "asexual" because they don't always feel sexual attraction. However, they can feel sexual attraction and interest in sexual things after they have formed an emotional bond with someone.
The opposite of asexual is allosexual. People who identify as allosexual generally experience sexual attraction, regardless of their sexual orientation.
What is the difference between Demisexual and Graysexual?
Demisexuality and Graysexuality are somewhat similar, but there is a slight difference. People who identify as Graysexual rarely experience sexual attraction, or have little desire to engage in sexual activity. However, unlike Demisexual people, Graysexual people do not necessarily need an emotional connection to feel sexual attraction. That is the main difference.
What is this Demiromantic?
Demiromanticism is similar to Demisexuality, but there is a slight difference. In order for a Demiromantic person to feel romantic feelings for someone, they must first have a psychological connection with that person. We are not talking about sexual attraction, we are talking about romantic feelings here. Anyone with any sexual orientation can be Demiromantic.
What is the difference between Demisexual and Pansexual?
People who identify as Pansexual'' are sexually attracted to anyone, regardless of their gender or sexual identity . A person can be Pansexual'' and Demisexual'' at the same time. This means that they can be attracted to someone of any sexual identity, but for that attraction to occur, the aforementioned emotional connection must first occur.
Can someone be Demisexual even if they are Straight (heterosexual)?
Yes, it definitely is possible. We know that there are several sexual orientation labels, such as Heterosexual (attracted to the opposite sex), Gay (homosexual), Lesbian (homosexual), Bisexual (attracted to both sexes) and Pansexual (attracted to all sexual identities).
The label Demisexuality is different. It refers to the nature of the attraction you feel to others and how it arises . Many people identify as both. For example, you can be Demisexual even if you are Heterosexual, or Demisexual even if you are Pansexual. Simply put, Demisexuality is not about who you are attracted to, but how that attraction arises.
Why does this Demisexuality need a separate label or name?
You may be wondering this too. In fact, for many people who identify as Demisexual, having this label gives them a sense of community and belonging, a sense that they are not alone and that there are others like them .
Just think, maybe they've been under a lot of stress and confusion since childhood, wondering, "Is there something wrong with me?", "Am I different from others?", because they don't have the same sexual attraction or interest in sexual things as their friends around them.
The name Demisexuality is important for these reasons:
- It helps demisexuals find a community where they can identify with themselves.
- Finding their identity helps demisexuals feel more secure and realize they are not alone .
- Also, this name helps to understand that sexual attraction and feelings are normal and can be experienced differently by each person, on a spectrum, and that all of those feelings are valid .
- This label gives them a word to clearly identify something they are experiencing that they could not previously describe in words.
Finally, things to remember (Take-Home Message)
So, I hope you understand something from what we've talked about. Demisexual refers to people who only feel sexual attraction after they've formed a deep emotional bond with someone.
Demisexuality is classified under the category of asexuality, as demisexuals also have lower than average sexual desires. However, demisexuals are a special group in their own right, as they can develop sexual attraction and desire to engage in sexual activity after forming that emotional bond with someone.
Talking about these things can sometimes feel a little difficult in our society, but it's very important to understand yourself and respect your feelings.
If you have these feelings and need help talking about them further, or understanding them, don't be shy. See a doctor or a qualified counselor. They can help you explore these feelings, give you the resources you need to find your identity, and guide you. You are not alone!
Doctor's Note
Demisexuality (Demisexuality) is a sexual introduction that requires a very strong and deep emotional bond with that person before having sexual attraction. This is different from a simple friendship in a normal relationship, where there is no sexual attraction between them without an emotional bond. This is an aspect of natural human diversity and not a mental or physical illness.
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