Teenage Communication with Your 13-18 Year Old: Let's Get to the Bottom of This

Do you have a big kid in your house now, that is, a young child between the ages of 13 and 18? Come on, that age is a very special and a bit complicated time. On the one hand, they are very smart, learning new things, and starting to see the world. On the other hand, they are a big storm in their minds. Their friends are their world. They spend most of their time with them in school, extracurricular activities, and maybe a small job. So, the time we spend talking to them at home may be less. But as parents, it is very, very important for us to talk to them a little every day, share ideas, and listen to them. Otherwise, they may feel like they are gradually moving away from us, like they are alone in a separate world . So, let's talk today about what we need to do to keep this relationship strong, okay?

Here are some tips for a conversation that will foster rapport with your young child.

Okay, so how do we maintain a good, strong relationship with a young child who is away from home most of the day and trying to build his own world? It may seem difficult at first, but small things can actually make a big difference. Here are some tips:

• Set aside a little time each day, perhaps during dinner or before bed, to listen to what your child has said and done during the day. The most important thing is to make him feel like you are really listening . Put the phone away, turn off the TV, and look him in the eye when you talk to him. That way he will understand, 'Hey, what I'm saying to Mom/Dad is really important.' Remember, you don't want to lecture your child, like you're constantly telling him, 'Don't do this, don't do that,' but rather , you want to talk to him in a friendly way . Respect what he says.

• Asking questions that can only be answered with a 'yes' or 'no' is not helpful. That's when the conversation ends. Instead, ask questions that allow them to think and explain. For example, instead of asking, 'Did school go well today?', ask, ' What was the most special thing that happened at school today, son/daughter? ' or 'Tell me about something new you learned today, I'd like to know too.' That way, they're more likely to say what's on their mind.

• Traveling in a car, bus, or three-wheeler is a great time for these kinds of conversations. Think about it, because you're not looking at each other face to face, sometimes they easily say even the most sensitive things that are on their minds. At that time, just be a good listener. Don't judge.

• Try to attend their sports games, school events, concerts, etc. Play a game with them, watch a movie, maybe even find time to talk about current events and hear their opinions. This will help them feel that you are not just a 'host' in their life, but someone who will be there for them in their joys and sorrows . Once that trust is built, they will be more likely to talk to you.

How does their conversation style change at a young age? Do we understand that?

At this young age, usually around the time of high school, children's speech patterns and word usage develop to a greater extent than adults. As their mental maturity increases, their language use becomes more complex. They can talk about and understand abstract things, that is, concepts that cannot be touched by hands and can only be understood with the mind (e.g., love, justice, freedom). This is also the case with figurative language. Simply put, they can understand not only the direct meaning of words, but also the deeper meaning and connotations conveyed by them.

Just think, we use these things in everyday speech. Young children understand these things and start using them too:

• Idioms like "hit the nail on the head": When you say "hit the nail on the head," you don't actually mean hitting a nail with a hammer. You mean "said/did exactly the right thing." When you say "on thin ice," you mean "being in a dangerous situation." They understand expressions like these.
• Similes: When you compare one thing to another, such as 'pure as milk', 'strong as an ox', 'cunning as a fox', they grasp the idea.
• Metaphors: 'She's a night owl' means someone who sleeps at night. 'That place was a zoo' means a very noisy, chaotic place. 'Time is money' means time is very valuable. They understand things like this, without directly saying 'like', but referring to one as the other.

So, even when they explain something, they tend to use metaphors, a little bit of an indirect way, rather than directly saying it literally. This is a sign of their intellectual development . They should be able to understand the deeper meaning of words, the different contexts in which they are used, even how to use punctuation, and be able to understand and use complex syntactic structures , that is, how words are put together to form long, meaningful sentences. These are the signs of their language development.

But communication is not just about using and understanding words, is it? It is influenced by many other things. Especially the way young children think about themselves, their friends, and the way they view authority figures like teachers and parents.

Remember, during this time they are trying hard to become independent from their family, to be their own person. They are trying to build their own identity . Questions like 'Who am I? What do I want?' are on their minds. Also, because they are starting to think abstractly, they are interested in moral issues in the world – for example, things like social injustice, right and wrong, poverty – and they are starting to have their own opinions. All of this directly affects the way they think, the way they talk to us, and the way they reason. So, it is important to understand and allow for this difference in them.

Sometimes help may be needed: what kind of times?

We all want our children to be well. But sometimes, they may have problems with communication or learning. In such cases, it is important to take the right steps without panicking.

It is important to talk to your child's teachers regularly about their language skills and progress in school. Teachers spend most of their time with your child. They can notice even the smallest changes in your child. Sometimes teachers may suspect that your child has a language-based learning disability , which is a learning difficulty that is caused by a difficulty understanding or using language. If such suspicion arises, they will need to do some comprehensive testing to find out exactly what the problem is and provide the child with the help they need.

These tests may typically include:

• Hearing test – because sometimes language problems can also occur due to a hearing problem.
• Psychoeducational assessment: This is a bit of a complicated name, but in simple terms, it involves assessing a child's unique learning style and how their cognitive processes are working through standardized testing. This can help identify a child's strengths and weaknesses.
• Speech-language evaluation: This tests the way the child speaks, pronounces words, constructs sentences, and understands language.

For example, if your child has a specific communication problem like stuttering , where words are jumbled up or the same letter/word is read multiple times, you should refer him to a Speech-Language Pathologist at school (some schools have one, or you can find one outside). He is a specialist who assesses speech and language disorders and provides the necessary treatment, exercises, and so on. The sooner these things are identified, the easier it is to treat.

Also, if you have any changes in your voice, such as hoarseness , breathiness , or raspiness , don't just dismiss it as something that happens with age. It's a good idea to get a medical checkup with an otolaryngologist or ENT specialist . There may be a reason for it. However, most of the time, language and speech problems are diagnosed and treated early, before they become so serious. However, it's still important to be vigilant, as some things can develop later.

Parents often think that this young age is a time of great difficulty and conflict with their children. Some even consider it 'normal' for them to challenge their parents' opinions, oppose family rules, and insist on their own opinions during this time. It is part of their journey to find independence. However, keep in mind that if your child's behavior is causing severe disruption to the family's peace and daily routine , or if they are constantly putting everyone in the house under pressure, it may not be just normal teenage rebellion or a 'child's fault'. If you really feel that the relationship between you and your child is particularly trying, and you feel like you can't handle this on your own, talk to your family doctor or a child psychologist/psychiatrist about it. There is never any shame in asking for help, it is a sign of how much you care about your child.

So, what is the most important message we should take home from all of this? (Take-Home Message)

So, I thought this would help you, me, and all of us understand the world of these young children a little better. The conversation and communication you have with your 13- to 18-year-old at home is not just about exchanging words back and forth. It should be like a two-way street . You should talk and let them talk. You should listen and they should listen to you. That balance is important.

By keeping these points in mind, you too can strengthen your bond with your young child:

• Listen patiently and with an open mind: They may have a lot to say and share. Some of it may be new to us, and may be different from our own ideas. But if we listen patiently and without judgment, they will open up and talk. Give them the feeling that 'my mom/dad understands me.'
• Ask open-ended questions to spark conversation: Go beyond 'yes/no' answers and try to understand their thoughts, feelings, hopes, and fears. Ask questions like 'What do you think about that?' and 'How did you feel at that time?'
• Spending time together is worth its weight in gold: No matter how busy you are, find a little time each day, even once a week, to spend time with them doing something they enjoy and talking. It can be something as simple as watching a movie, going on a short trip, or playing a board game. That time together is what builds bonds .
• Understand that change is a sign of growth: As they get older, their way of thinking, speaking, and tastes change. That's natural. Allow for that change and try to understand it. Don't expect them to stay the same as they were when they were younger.
• If you need help, it's wise to get it: If you honestly feel that your child has a serious problem with communication, learning, or behavior, don't worry about it and suffer alone, but never hesitate to ask for help from teachers, doctors, or relevant specialists. That way, your child will get the right help quickly .

Finally, your love, your understanding, and your unwavering support are the greatest strength and blessing your child has to successfully and happily navigate this challenging yet beautiful, formative period of youth! Never forget to give it.

Young children, communication, parenting, language development, mental health, learning disabilities, adolescence