As the day of your baby's birth draws closer, you're probably starting to have questions. "What if I'm late to the hospital?", "What if I have the baby before my doctor gets here?", "What if I can't stand the pain?", "Oh, what if I accidentally poop during that time...?" These are all very common thoughts that come to mind. Not only for first-time mothers, but also for second- or third-time mothers.
If your first birth was easy, you might be worried, "Will it be hard this time?" If your first time was hard, you might be worried, "Will it be the same again?" If this is your first time, you might be overwhelmed by your imagination. But this isn't just your problem. This is very common. So let's talk about it.
Why do we feel this fear?
Simply put, it's a fear of the unknown. When "childbirth" becomes a real-life event that used to be a chapter in a book, it's normal to feel a little nervous, curious, and scared. Sometimes we think that making a big 'birthing plan' will make this fear go away. But doctors say that's not the best solution.
The truth is, your baby is in control of pretty much everything on the day of your baby's birth. With a little help from nature, it's hard to believe that no matter how detailed a plan you make, everything will go exactly as planned.
Instead, the best thing to do is to write down 5 or 6 of your main fears on a piece of paper and discuss them with your doctor well before your due date. Knowing that you and your doctor are on the same page can help ease your fears.
Common fears and answers to them
While every mother's fears are different, there are a few common fears that many share. Let's talk about each one and put your mind at ease.
| Common Fear | What we really need to know (The Reassuring Reality) |
|---|---|
| 1. Fear of being unable to bear labor pain | There's no need to endure pain these days. There are many pain relief options. Talk to your doctor beforehand and choose what's right for you. |
| 2. Fear of epidurals | An epidural is a very safe procedure. Serious complications are rare. Minor side effects (e.g. back pain) are also very rare. |
| 3. Fear of having to undergo a cesarean section (C-Section) | A C-section is only done if absolutely necessary for the safety of the mother and baby. It is now a very safe surgery. If the doctor makes such a decision, trust him. |
| 4. Fear of being late to the hospital | Especially for a first-time mother, the waiting time is usually several hours. So the chances of being late are very small. Pack your bag in advance and plan your route. |
| 5. Fear of having a baby before the doctor arrives | When you go to the labor room at the hospital, you are not alone. Very experienced nurses and other doctors are always with you. |
| 6. Fear of passing stool during labor | Doctors actually see this as a very good sign . It means the baby is in the correct position and the delivery is going well. So don't be embarrassed or scared about it. |
A little more about Labor Pain
It's normal to be scared by the "horror stories" of childbirth. But remember , no mother should have to suffer through excruciating pain . Find out in advance if the hospital you're going to give birth to has 24-hour anesthesia. If so, you can get an epidural at any time.
If that's not an option, don't worry. Talk to your doctor about other types of narcotics. These may make your baby a little sleepy, but they're temporary. Your doctor will adjust the medication to your stage of labor so that the effects on your baby are minimal.
Additionally, practicing patterned breathing can help control pain to a great extent. You can learn about these in classes for pregnant mothers.
What if I have to have a C-Section?
If you're expecting a normal delivery, you might feel scared if your doctor suddenly suggests a C-section . If that happens, don't hesitate to ask, "Why is this decision being made?" and "Isn't there another way?"
However, if you absolutely have to do it, it's best to trust your doctor at that point. An emergency C-section is usually performed for the following reasons:
- The baby's size is large compared to your body size.
- The baby shifts into an abnormal position during labor .
- The cervix is not opening sufficiently (cervix not dilating).
The risks of a C-section aren't zero, but they're very low. If your doctor says it's necessary for a healthy birth, don't worry about it.
The trip to the hospital
If it's your first baby, you may have to wait longer than you think. So don't worry about having a baby in a taxi or at a store. The chances of that happening are very small. But it's better to be prepared in advance.
- Have your hospital bag ready at least two weeks before the baby is due.
- Make a clear plan for how you will get to the hospital during the day and at night (a vehicle, a driver).
- If this is your second or third baby, arrange in advance for someone to take care of the other children while you go to the hospital.
When your contractions start coming regularly , meaning the time between contractions becomes the same, you should definitely call your doctor.
Take-Home Message
- It's very normal to be afraid of childbirth. You're not alone in feeling this way.
- Rather than making a big 'birthing plan', talk openly with your doctor about your fears beforehand .
- Don't be afraid of pain. With modern medicine, there are many safe ways to manage pain .
- If a C-section is necessary, it is done for your and your baby's safety . Trust the doctors at that time.
- You will never be alone in the hospital. Experienced medical staff is always ready to help you.
- Instead of trying to control everything, try to take it easy and trust your body and your doctor.
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