Do you feel like your mother, father, or someone close to you is not the same as before? Even though they may not be physically ill, do you feel that their speech, memory, or behavior have changed? Caring for someone like this can sometimes be very different and difficult than caring for someone who is bedridden and has a physical illness. This is because this is not a visible physical illness, but a problem related to the functioning of the brain. Let's talk about this in detail.
The difference between what appears on the outside and what is actually happening
Imagine that your mother has Alzheimer's disease. When she sits down at the dinner table with you, no one on the outside will notice any difference. She's the same as before. But only you know that she's not the same person she was then. Tolerating this huge gap between her outward appearance of health and her inner illness is one of the biggest challenges you face every day when caring for someone like that.
Another difficult thing about this situation is that you may not get any understanding or sympathy from others, friends, or relatives for the pain and suffering you are going through. Because the patient's illness is not visible to the outside world. He is not being wheeled around in a wheelchair, he is not using crutches, he is not carrying an oxygen tank. Maybe your father has dementia, but someone next door might talk to him for a few minutes and think, "Oh, he is still as good at joking as he used to be."
But only you know the truth. Only you know how much dedication and effort it takes to care for that person, and how much pain you feel when you see that loved one suffering emotionally. Without that appreciation and understanding from others, this journey can be very lonely and exhausting for you.
Key issues faced by the patient and caregiver
There are some specific challenges you may face when caring for someone with these types of thinking and memory problems. Let's look at them in a way that makes them easier to understand.
| Problem | The impact on the caregiver (you) |
|---|---|
| Memory problems Conditions such as Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and stroke can cause almost complete memory loss. | This can be very frustrating for you. For example, you may not be able to ask him or her simple questions like when he or she last took his or her medicine, when he or she last saw the doctor, or when he or she last took a bath. As the disease progresses, he or she may become unable to do even his or her own chores. |
| Communication problems (conversation problems) Some medical conditions can reduce the ability to speak. In conditions like dementia, even when you speak clearly, your words may not make sense. | It's important for you to communicate with your loved one and understand something. But because of this problem, you have to guess what they want. You may constantly worry, "Is he trying to say something? Am I not getting it?" |
| Behavior problems It becomes difficult to control their emotions. It is common to suddenly get angry, lose their temper, and cry. Sometimes the behavior becomes violent and they may harm themselves or you. | This is a lot of stress for you, both mentally and physically. You have to be constantly alert. Their hurtful words and actions can make you feel very sad. |
Some things that will help you
Okay, so what can you do to make your life a little easier while taking care of your loved one?
- Learn about your loved one's condition: Learn about your loved one's condition through books, the internet, and especially your doctor . Don't just go by instinct. Caring for a father with dementia is very different from caring for a sister with cancer.
- Create a calm environment: These patients can become anxious over even the smallest things. So create an environment at home that makes them feel safe and comfortable. When they are trying to concentrate on something, turn off distractions like the television.
- Keep everything organized: They can feel stressed and anxious when they see a messy environment. So, remove unnecessary items from the house and keep them organized. Label things like drawers and cupboards. Then it will be easy for them to find what's inside at a glance.
- Establish a consistent routine: Establish a routine that includes feeding, bathing, and putting your child to bed at the same time every day. For those lost in a chaotic world, a routine like this is a great strength they can rely on.
- Be flexible: Sometimes the methods you use may not work. As the disease progresses, their needs may change. So don't get stuck in one method, and be willing to abandon methods that don't work and try new things.
- Keep things simple: If you find it difficult to communicate, use simple words and short sentences. Don't ask too many questions at once. Ask one question and wait for the answer. If you are asked to do a big task, break it down into steps and ask them to do it one by one.
- Remember, it's the disease, not the person: Your loved one's behavior will make you angry, sad, and hurt. That's normal. But at that time, remind yourself that it's not them, it's their disease that's causing these changes .
Think about yourself too - Let's avoid Caregiver Burnout
When it comes to taking care of the patient, many people forget to think about themselves. But remember, your physical and mental health is just as important to you as it is to your loved one. If you are overworked, burned out, or sick, who will take care of them? So think about these things too.
- Ask for help: If you're new to this, don't wait until you're too exhausted to do it alone. Ask for help from family, friends, and neighbors. Ask your doctor, and find out about elder care services and clinics in your area. Remember: You can't do this alone.
- Get support: Just like the patient, you need emotional support. Talk to family and friends about your problems. Find support groups that bring together people who are caring for people with similar conditions. If you are feeling overwhelmed, consider seeing a therapist.
- Take a break: Manage your energy. Take small breaks every day. Set aside at least a few minutes for yourself. A little extra time once a week, like going for a walk with a friend, or going out for a meal, can bring a lot of peace to your mind.
- Forgive yourself: No matter how well and kindly you do this, things won't always go well. You'll get angry with him, you'll get frustrated. You'll make mistakes, you'll feel bad about it. That's inevitable. So when that happens, don't blame yourself. Remember, taking care of someone like this isn't easy. You're a very strong and courageous person for taking on the challenge.
Take-Home Message
- When you notice a change in your loved one's behavior or memory, instead of getting angry with that person, try to understand that the cause is the disease.
- As well as caring for the patient, take care of your own physical and mental health. Rest and support are essential.
- Don't try to go through this journey alone. Ask for help and guidance from family, friends, and especially your doctor.
- Maintaining a consistent routine and an orderly, calm home brings great relief to the patient.
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