Do you sometimes think, "Oh, I should have done more"? Do you feel like you haven't fulfilled your obligations to your partner, children, work, or society? Are you tired of this constant feeling of guilt ? It's really a very tiring feeling. Let's see why this happens, what effect it has on our body and mind, and how to overcome it.
What exactly is this feeling of guilt?
Simply put, guilt is a very broad feeling. Some people have a 'good' feeling of guilt . It's what keeps us from going down the wrong path and encourages us to do the right thing. For example, when you hurt someone, it's good to feel sorry for them and apologize.
But some people feel a terrible sense of guilt that eats away at their very core. They never have a moment to relax. They constantly regret even the smallest thing they have done.
Why do some people feel this feeling so intensely?
There can be several reasons for this, the main ones being our personality and the influences from society.
The influence of personality
People with certain personality traits are more prone to this feeling of guilt.
- Insecure and shy people: People who lack self-confidence and are a little timid tend to think twice about everything they do. They constantly worry, "Did I do the right thing? Did I make a mistake?" This can easily lead to feelings of guilt.
- Perfectionists: Some people believe that everything they do should be perfect, 100 percent perfect. They cannot tolerate even the slightest mistake. This is also common among people with obsessive -compulsive traits . They overthink their actions and feel guilty about them.
The burden that society places on us
This is greatly influenced by our personality, as well as the society we live in. From a young age, girls and boys are given various expectations that say, "You should be like this." When these cannot be fulfilled, feelings of guilt arise.
Women and guilt
In our society, women's self-esteem is often built through relationships with others. Fearing that "others will think I'm selfish," they take on more responsibilities than they can handle without thinking about themselves. Housework, children's work, work, relatives' affairs... If they take a little time for themselves in the midst of all this, they feel guilty about it.
Men and guilt
On the other hand, a boy is told from a young age that he should "study well and get a good job," and "take care of his family." Their self-esteem is built on their achievements. So, if they don't succeed as much as they hoped, if they can't find a good job, or if they can't live up to their parents' expectations, they suffer from a lot of guilt.
Different moments in life and feelings of guilt
This feeling always comes up when you become a parent. How many parents are plagued by thoughts like, "Am I not treating my child well enough? What kind of things do the people next door do to their children?"
There is no escape from this even when you get old. Imagine a parent who has to go to a nursing home. They lament, "Oh, I had to sell the property that I could have given to my children and live here." Meanwhile, the children whose parents have been sent to a nursing home suffer from a great sense of guilt, "We couldn't take care of our mom/dad."
How does this feeling affect our health?
This constant feeling of guilt is not only bad for our mind, but also for our body. The stress that results from this causes chemical changes in our body. Some of the results of this are listed in the table below.
| Affected sector | Possible effects |
|---|---|
| Mental Health | Constantly thinking negatively about yourself can lead to conditions like depression and anxiety . |
| Physical Health | Frequent headaches, backaches. Long-term risk of cardiovascular disease and gastrointestinal disorders . |
| Immune System | Over time, the body's ability to resist disease, i.e. the immune system , weakens. |
How to get rid of excessive guilt?
If you've had this feeling since childhood, it may be difficult to get rid of it overnight. But if you try, you can gradually free yourself from this burdensome feeling.
Get used to saying 'no'.
It's hard to say "no" to someone who says "yes" to everything. But if you're the type of person who always puts yourself last, this is what you need to do. Ask yourself why you're afraid to say "no." "Will other people dislike me? Will people talk about me?" When you think about it this way, you'll realize how unfounded that fear is.
Think about yourself too.
Think about it, "How am I going to take care of myself while taking care of all these responsibilities?" Because if you fall, no one will care about you. That's why it's essential that you take care of yourself. Set aside a little time each day to do something you enjoy and to relax.
Start with small things.
Don't try to make a big change all at once. It's hard to say 'no' at first. But as you add up small wins like that, it will gradually become easier for you.
Reconsider your expectations.
Are you chasing your dreams or your parents' dreams? What worked for your parents may not work for you. So think about what you really want and set your own goals .
Learn from mistakes.
People make mistakes. It's normal. Stop looking at other people's mistakes and thinking, "I'm a failure." Instead, think, "This is a lesson for me, I'll do better next time."
Take-Home Message
- Guilt is a common feeling, but don't let it control your life.
- Understand that this feeling can harm your mental and physical health.
- Put your needs ahead of other people's expectations. Don't be afraid to say 'no' when necessary.
- Mistakes are opportunities to learn, not reasons to blame yourself.
- If you find it difficult to deal with these feelings alone, talk to a trusted friend or family member. If necessary, see your doctor for professional counseling.
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