A sigh trapped deep in the heart: Let's talk about the experience of an abortion

There are some experiences in life that are like a sigh trapped deep in the heart. A miscarriage is like that, an experience that is difficult to put into words, heartbreaking, and comes with an indescribable sadness. As you read these lines, you may think that you are alone in the midst of that pain, wondering, "Why did this happen to me?" Please don't think so. This is not your fault at all. That weight on your mind, that pain, those questions... all of that is very normal at this time.

In this article, I'm trying to shed some light on those lingering questions, to make you feel like you're not alone, and to give you a little strength to go through this difficult journey. Let's talk about all of this, one by one, slowly, okay?

The true story behind the word "abortion"

Even though we say " abortion ," there's a lot more to understand.

How do doctors explain this?

Doctors call this a "spontaneous abortion." That is, the baby growing inside you, the fetus, stops on its own before it is big enough to breathe on its own in the outside world - usually we mean before 20 weeks - without any intervention from you or anyone else. It's like a beautiful flower bud falling to the ground at an unexpected time. However, if this sad event happens after 20 weeks, it is called a "stillbirth." That's a little different from this story.

Are there different types of abortions?

Yes, like different sides of the same story, miscarriages can occur in different ways. Doctors classify them as follows:

Just a reason to be scared? - Threatened Miscarriage

What happens in this case is that there is a little vaginal bleeding in the early stages of pregnancy. But, surprisingly, the cervix , where the baby is, is still closed. This means that, despite the heartbreak, there may still be a glimmer of hope, and the pregnancy may continue well.

Can't it be saved again? - Inevitable Miscarriage

Here, along with the bleeding and abdominal pain, the cervix is ​​also open. Just like a door that can't be closed again once it's opened, doctors say it's difficult to save the pregnancy at this point.

Are only some left? - Incomplete Miscarriage

What happens in this case is, like a story ending only part of the way, that only some of the baby or pieces of the placenta come out, and the rest stays inside the uterus .

Is it all over? - Complete Miscarriage

As the name suggests, this is where everything, including the baby and placenta, comes out of the uterus completely, just like reading the last page of a book.

Did it happen to you too? - Missed Miscarriage

This is the weirdest part. Even though the baby is still inside the uterus, you may not notice any bleeding or other major signs. It's like a secret sadness creeping in and out. Most of the time, this is only discovered when a scan is done.

Is this the same pain again and again? - Recurrent Miscarriage

This means that three or more pregnancies in a row end in miscarriage in this way. If that happens, it's like having the same dream over and over again. Separate tests will need to be done to find the cause.

Miscarriages are actually more common than you think.

When you're going through this, you might be wondering, "Why is this happening to me?" But the truth is, miscarriages affect more mothers and more families than we think. According to statistics, doctors say that about 10% to 20% of pregnancies, or one or two in ten, end in miscarriage. But in reality, there are probably many more miscarriages in the world. This is because some miscarriages happen very early in pregnancy, sometimes before you even know you're pregnant. When they do, it feels like your period has changed a bit. Most miscarriages, and the vast majority, happen within the first three months (that's the first 12 weeks).

What your body is telling you: Signs of miscarriage and how to spot them

Your body is trying to tell you in different ways whether you are about to have a miscarriage or if you have already had one. It is important to recognize those signs.

Main points to expect

These are the most common signs of a miscarriage:

• Vaginal bleeding: This is the first sign most people notice. Sometimes it can be just a small spot of blood, or it can be heavier than a period.
• Lower abdominal pain or cramping: This can be similar to menstrual cramps, or it can be more severe.
• Vaginal discharge: Sometimes you may see small pieces of tissue coming out along with the blood.
• Back pain: Some people may experience lower abdominal pain along with back pain.
• Previous pregnancy symptoms may diminish: For example, things like breast tenderness and morning sickness may gradually decrease or disappear completely.

How do doctors diagnose this exactly?

If you have these symptoms, when you go to a doctor, they will do the following:

• Pelvic Exam: This checks to see if the cervix is ​​open, closed, and if there is bleeding.
• An ultrasound scan: This is often the most definitive answer. It can show whether the baby's heart is beating, whether the baby is growing properly, and what's happening inside the uterus.
• Blood tests: There is a hormone called hCG that is produced in the body during pregnancy. If the level of that hormone does not increase properly or decreases too much, it can be a sign of miscarriage. There are times when a hormone called progesterone is also checked.

The heart-wrenching question of "Why?": Factors that can influence a miscarriage

This is the biggest question many people have. "Why did this happen to me?" In fact, most miscarriages are not anyone's fault.

The most common cause: Small changes occurring within the baby's own body.

According to doctors, the main reason for about half of all miscarriages is that little drop, that is, small random changes that occur in the baby's own genes, those chromosomes , when it first starts to develop. It's like a beautiful flower, sometimes it blooms with a small defect. This is not something that happens because of the mother's or father's fault, it's something that happens randomly in nature.

Some of the conditions and lifestyle habits of the mother

Other times, certain medical conditions or lifestyle habits in the mother's body can affect this.

• Mother's age: Over 35 years of age, the risk of miscarriage increases slightly.
• Long-term illnesses: Things like poorly controlled diabetes , thyroid disease, high blood pressure , and certain diseases of the immune system (e.g., Systemic Lupus Erythematosus).
• Some abnormalities in the uterus: If there is any change or abnormality in the shape of the uterus, the internal structure of the uterus, or the walls (e.g., uterine dilation, fibroids), it can also interfere with the baby's ability to implant properly in the uterine wall or grow.
• Hormonal issues: For example, conditions like low progesterone and PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome).
• Some infections: Some bacterial and viral infections like listeriosis, toxoplasmosis, rubella, cytomegalovirus.
• Smoking, drinking alcohol, taking drugs.
• It's okay to gain too much weight, or lose too much weight (malnutrition).
• If you have had several previous miscarriages.

"Blighted Ovum"

This is another cause of miscarriage. What happens here is that a fertilized egg implants in the uterine wall and forms a gestational sac, but an embryo does not develop inside it. This is also often due to chromosomal abnormalities.

Difficulties and heartaches that may occur after a miscarriage

A miscarriage is not just something that affects the body, it is also something that deeply affects the mind.

Possible complications

• Incomplete miscarriage: If parts of the baby or placenta remain inside the uterus, it can lead to infection and continued bleeding.
• Infection: Infections (such as Pelvic Inflammatory Disease) can develop in or around the uterus.
• Hemorrhage: Although rare, severe bleeding can be life-threatening.

The weight you feel, the psychological impact

A miscarriage is a painful and heartbreaking experience, like losing a loved one. It's normal to experience feelings of sadness, anger, self-blame, fear, anxiety, and depression. You need both help and time to deal with these feelings.

How can doctors help during this difficult time? Treatment for miscarriage

The type of treatment a doctor gives you after a miscarriage depends on several factors, including how the miscarriage occurred, how far along you are in your pregnancy, how severe your symptoms are, other medical conditions you have, and your preferences.

Are you waiting for things to get better? (Expectant Management)

This involves waiting for the remaining tissue (parts of the baby or placenta) inside the uterus to pass out on its own, without any medication or surgery. This can take a few days or a few weeks. During this time, a doctor will regularly check on you.

Do you get help from medication? (Medical Management)

Medications (e.g. misoprostol) that help the uterus contract and expel the tissue inside it are given either orally or inserted into the vagina.

Will it be cleaned and removed? (Surgical Interventions)

Dilation and Curettage (D&C) or Dilation and Evacuation (D&E) is a minor surgical procedure that removes any remaining tissue from the uterus. This is done if there is a lot of bleeding, signs of infection, or if other methods have not worked.

Do you also need to consider your blood type (Rh Factor)?

If your blood type is Rh-negative and your baby's blood type is Rh-positive (depending on the father's blood type), some things that are happening in your body can cause problems for your future baby. To stop this, you will be given a shot called Anti-D immunoglobulin.

How to heal your mind and body: Things you can do for yourself after a miscarriage

It takes some time to get your body and mind back together after a miscarriage. These things will help with that.

• Get plenty of rest: The mind needs rest as much as the body.
• Take pain medication: Take pain medication as prescribed by the doctor.
• Keep an eye out for bleeding and signs of infection: If you have a fever, severe abdominal pain, or a discharge with a bad odor, tell your doctor right away.
• Avoid having sex or using tampons for a few days: This can reduce the risk of infection.
• Start your routine slowly: Don't overdo it all at once.

Will I have to go through this pain again? Things to know when thinking about having another baby

This is a fear that many people have.

Do you have recurrent miscarriages?

Having a miscarriage once does not increase the chances of having another miscarriage. However, if you have three or more miscarriages in a row, it is called "recurrent miscarriage." In this case, you will need to undergo a series of tests and consult a specialist to find out the cause.

Hope again... Things that help to have a healthy baby

If you are thinking about having another baby, it is a good idea to talk to your doctor before you start trying. A healthy lifestyle (eating well, exercising), taking folic acid pills, managing your medical conditions, and reducing stress can help increase your chances of having a healthy baby.

How to heal emotional wounds: Help after a miscarriage

Feelings of sadness, regret, and anger after a miscarriage are all very normal. It takes time to deal with them and recover from them.

• Accept what you feel, let it out: cry if you want to cry, say it if you want to be sad.
• Get help from your husband, family, and friends: It's a great strength to know that you're not alone.
• If necessary, seek help from a counselor: This is nothing to be ashamed of. Talking about your feelings and healing them is very valuable.
• Join support groups with people who have had similar experiences to you: This will help you realize that you are not alone.

Remember, a miscarriage is just a milestone in your journey, it doesn't end your life. There are many people who can help you and share this grief with you.