Do you know how to say exactly what's on your mind, respectfully? Let's talk about Assertiveness!

Today we are going to talk about something very important in our lives. This is something that will help you with your friends, with your family, where you work, where you study, in short , everywhere. That is Assertiveness . Perhaps you have heard this word. Simply put, we call this ``Assertiveness`` the ability to say what is on your mind, your needs, and your ideas in a way that is clear, honest, and respectful , without hurting yourself or others.

What exactly is ``Assertiveness''?

Think about it, `(Assertiveness)` is just a healthy way of speaking . It is the ability to express your opinions honestly about yourself and respectfully to others. We face many situations every day. Whether it is expressing a desire to someone, asking a question to a teacher, or speaking well in a job or university interview, `(Assertiveness)` is very important.

However, this `(Assertiveness)` is not something that comes naturally to everyone. There are some people, they speak very shyly (Too Passive) . That is, they don't say what's on their mind, and they nod their heads to what others say. There are some others, their style is very aggressive (Too Aggressive) . That is, they don't think about others, and they only talk about their own things and shout. So, this `(Assertiveness)` is the exact middle ground between those two extremes.

Here are some things that make you act ``Assertive``:

• You can say what you think, or express what you feel.
• You can ask for what you want, what you need.
• You can respectfully disagree with others.
• You can submit your ideas and suggestions.
• You can say "no" without feeling guilty.
• You can even speak for someone else.

Why is this so important to us?

Assertive communication helps us get what we want. But it doesn't stop there. Being assertive means we respect ourselves and others.

Assertive speakers send the message that they are confident in themselves. They are not too afraid or push others too much. They know that their feelings and opinions are important. They are confident .

Assertive people make friends easily. They communicate with respect for their own needs as well as those of others. They are also good at resolving conflicts and disagreements. Those who respect others are respected in return.

Too shy? Too strict? Or just right?

How do you know where you stand on this ``Assertiveness`` scale? Here are some examples:

Nimali's (Too Passive): If you ask Nimali what movie she wants to watch, she'll probably say, "I don't know... what would you like to see?" She usually lets others make the decisions, but then she gets upset that she didn't get what she wanted. She also feels bad that only her friends are talking. But even when Nimali tries to join in the conversation, she speaks very slowly, and others unknowingly talk over her.

Surekha (Too Aggressive): Surekha has no problem speaking her mind. But when she does, she comes across as very loud and opinionated. Surekha dominates the conversation, often interrupting others, and rarely listens to what others have to say. If she disagrees with you, she lets you know – but it's usually through sarcasm or by hurting someone's feelings. She has a reputation for being very bossy and not thinking of others.

Chamalge (Assertive): If you ask Chamal for his opinion, he will tell you honestly. If he disagrees with you, he will tell you – but not in a way that puts you down or makes you feel like you are wrong. Chamal is also interested in your opinion. He listens to what you have to say. Even if Chamal disagrees with you, you still feel like he respects your opinion.

What happens when we keep our thoughts to ourselves (too passive)...

People who are too passive may often feel that others are using them. They may feel hurt, angry, or frustrated.

When you keep your thoughts and feelings bottled up inside, others won't be able to truly know and understand you. Your ideas and suggestions won't be of any use to the team.

If you start to feel like your ideas or feelings are not valued, it can reduce your self- confidence . It can also reduce the chances of your good ideas being accepted and responded to. This can sometimes even lead to a state like depression .

Remember: your voice is valuable too. Don't silence it!

What happens if you go too aggressive with everything?

People who appear too aggressive can have a hard time keeping friends. They may overwhelm others in conversations, and express their opinions in a very forceful and forceful manner. This can make others feel ignored and disrespected.

People with an aggressive style may be able to get others to do what they want, but they often find themselves rejected or disliked by others. They lose the respect of others.

Why doesn't everyone behave ``(Assertive)''?

Why do some people speak ``Assertively'' while others are very passive or aggressive? One reason for this is their personality . Another reason is the habits we form and the experiences we have. However, we learn to be ``Assertive'', ``Passive'', or ``Aggressive'' by watching how others – especially those who raise us – behave.

Here are some things that can make someone behave too passively :

• Lack of confidence in oneself or the value of one's own ideas.
• Thinking too much about wanting to please others and wanting others to like you.
• Worrying about whether others will agree with your ideas or reject you.
• Being very sensitive to criticism, or having previously experienced rejection when one's ideas were not taken into account.
• Being ``Assertive'' means not having developed the skills needed.

These are the things that can cause someone to behave too aggressively :

• Being overconfident .
• Thinking too much about fulfilling one's own needs and expressing only one's own opinions.
• Not having learned to respect and consider the opinions or needs of others.
• They haven't learned to listen to others and ask for their opinions.

These are the things that lead someone to behave in the right way (`Assertive`) :

• Having good self-confidence .
• Believing that one's opinions matter, one's feelings are valuable, and one has the right to express them.
• Being resilient (that is, being able to deal with criticism, rejection, and setbacks).
• Respecting the wishes and needs of others.
• Having good role models for `(Assertiveness)`.
• Knowing that your opinions were accepted and that your assertiveness was appreciated in the past.

How can we be a little more ``Assertive''?

Being assertive involves practicing certain communication skills and having the right attitude. Some people are born with the ability to be assertive. Others need a little more practice . But, everyone can develop this.

Here's how:

First, think about which of these three communication styles (`(Assertive)`, `(Passive)`, or `(Aggressive)`) you are most familiar with. Then decide whether you need to be less shy, less aggressive, or more assertive than you naturally are.

To reduce passiveness and increase assertiveness, do the following:

• Be careful about what you think, what you feel, what you want, what you like. You need to be aware of these things before you tell others.
• When someone asks you what you want, notice if you say, "I don't know," "I don't care," or "That's no problem." Stop saying that. Get into the habit of saying what you want, especially for small things. For example, if someone asks, "Do you want the green one or the red one?" you can say, "I like the green one – thank you."
• Practice asking for things. For example: "Can I have a spoon, please?" "I need a pen - does anyone have an extra one?" "Can I have a seat?" This will build the skills and confidence you need to ask for more important things when you need to.
• Tell us your opinion . Tell us whether you liked or disliked a movie you saw and why.
• Practice using " I" statements like "I want..." "I would like..." or "I feel..." .
• Find a good role model who is assertive – that is, not too shy, not too aggressive. See if you can emulate that person's best qualities.
• Remind yourself that your ideas and opinions are just as important as everyone else's. Knowing this will help you become ``Assertive.`` Assertiveness starts with an inner attitude that values ​​others and values ​​yourself.

To reduce Aggressiveness and increase Assertiveness, do the following:

• Let others speak first.
• Watch out for people interrupting you while you're talking. If that happens, catch it and say, "Oh, sorry - you say it!" and let the other person finish.
• Ask someone else for an idea and listen to their answer.
• When you disagree, try to express your opinion without belittling the other person. For example, instead of saying, "That's a stupid idea," try saying, "I don't really like that idea." Or, instead of saying, "He's a terrible person," try saying, "I don't think he cares about other people."
• Find a good role model who is assertive – that is, not too shy, not too aggressive. See if you can emulate that person's best qualities.

People who are naturally assertive can further develop their abilities:

• Find good role models who are good at being assertive – that is, not too shy, not too aggressive. See if you can emulate their best traits. (You may find this is the same advice we give to help with shy or aggressive styles. That's because we never stop learning!)
• Consider when you are most assertive . People behave differently in different situations. For many people, it is easy to be assertive in some situations (like with friends), but it is a challenge in others (like with teachers or new people). In difficult situations, try asking yourself, "What would I say if I were with my best friends?"

When you speak assertively, it shows that you believe in yourself. Developing assertiveness is one step towards becoming the person you want to be, the best version of yourself!

The most important thing you should take home (Take-Home Message)

Okay, so now you have a good idea of ​​what we've been talking about, ``(Assertiveness)''. Remember, this isn't something you can change overnight. But with practice, you'll definitely see a difference.

• Your feelings, opinions, and needs are very valuable. Don't hide them.
• Don't be passive, don't be aggressive. We've talked about the ins and outs of both.
• Assertive means speaking your mind honestly, respecting others and respecting yourself.
• Start with small things. Practice saying something simple like, "I like that color better than this color."
• Listen carefully to what others have to say. Assertiveness is not just about saying your own thing.
• Even if you make a mistake or have to say no, don't feel guilty about it.

Try to incorporate these little tips into your daily life. You will see how much better your relationships will become and how much lighter you will feel. You win!

Communication, Mental Health , Assertiveness, Self-Confidence, Interpersonal Relationships, Emotion Management , Healthy Lifestyle