How is your self-esteem? Can we talk about this a little bit?

We all hear the word 'self-esteem' all the time, don't we? It is said that this self-esteem has a huge impact on our happiness and success in life. But sometimes, for some people, this self-esteem is something that can be changed even by small things. This can happen here and there because of things like the people in our lives and the voices that come from within us. So, I thought it would be good to talk about this a little more deeply.

What is Self-Esteem?

Simply put, self-esteem is the way you think about yourself, the value you give yourself. It means whether you accept yourself with your strengths and weaknesses, love yourself, and respect yourself. It is like a mirror in our mind. If that mirror shows us clearly and well, our self-esteem is high. But if it is blurry and shows us as being inferior, we can say that we have low self-esteem, understand? So, having good self-esteem is very important . It is like a strong foundation. It helps us face the challenges that come in life, start new things, and maintain good relationships with others. When self-esteem is low, we get worried about even the smallest things, lose confidence in ourselves, and feel afraid to do new things. That is why it is important to be aware of this.

What are the things that affect our self-esteem?

Now look, this self-esteem is not something that exists in one place and in the same way. It can go up and down. Various things affect it. Let's see what the main things are that affect it.

The voice that comes from within our hearts (Inner Voice)

Have you ever talked to yourself? Yes, we all do. This is what we call the 'inner voice' . Sometimes this voice is very kind, saying things like 'you can', 'this is good'. But sometimes this voice is very harsh, saying negative things like 'you can', 'you are stupid', 'you are useless'. So if we hear this negative voice all the time, our self-esteem starts to decrease. To be precise, if we criticize ourselves too much, it is not good for our self-esteem.

People in Our Lives

The people around us also have a big impact on our self-esteem. Your family, friends, your spouse, the people at your workplace... Everyone's words and actions affect us. Just think, when you're doing something with passion, how happy it would be if someone came up to you and said, 'Oh, you can do that, you're so good!' That boosts our self-esteem even more. However, if you're constantly surrounded by people who criticize what you do and talk down to you, your self-confidence can gradually decrease. If you have to face things like bullying, that's also a big blow to your self-esteem.

Life Experiences

We all face different experiences in life. Some are happy, some are sad. The achievements we achieve, The recognition we receive boosts our self-esteem. However, things like defeats, disappointments, and traumatic events can affect our self-esteem. The most important thing is how we get back up after such experiences. Some people fall apart even after making a small mistake. But some learn from them and become stronger.

Social Media

Nowadays, social media has become a major influence on our self-esteem. On things like Facebook and Instagram, we only see the best and most beautiful aspects of other people's lives, right? When everyone seems happy and successful, sometimes we can feel disappointed in ourselves. 'Why is my life like this?' We may think. These unnecessary comparisons have a great chance of lowering our self-esteem. Therefore, we need to be very careful when using social media.

Physical Health and Appearance

Our physical health and the way we feel about our appearance are also related to self-esteem. If we suffer from an illness or if we feel tired all the time, it can affect our mood and self-esteem. Also, some people worry too much about their appearance (such as height, weight, skin color) and compare themselves to others and feel miserable. It is important to understand that everyone is different and everyone is beautiful in their own way .

What are the symptoms of low self-esteem?

Okay, now you're probably thinking, 'I don't know if I have low self-esteem.' If you're thinking that way, take a moment to see if you have these characteristics too.

• Constantly blaming yourself: If you constantly think negative things like 'I can't', 'I'm not good enough'.
• Avoiding challenges: If you are afraid to start something new, take on a difficult task, or constantly think, 'What will I do if I fail?'
• Reluctance to accept compliments: If someone says something nice to you, you avoid it by saying, 'Oh no, it's not that big of a deal.'
• If you constantly compare yourself to others, thinking things like: 'He has this, I don't', and you feel sad.
• Excessive fear of mistakes: If you overthink even a small mistake and feel disappointed in yourself.
• People-pleasing: Saying 'yes' to everything, even if you don't like it, will hurt other people's feelings.
• Over-sensitivity to criticism: If someone makes a small criticism, you take it to heart and think about it for days.
• Feeling worthless: If you have feelings like 'I'm not worth anything to anyone', 'I'm not worth anything to exist'.

It's normal to have one or two of these characteristics. But if many of them apply to you, and you struggle with these feelings all the time, it's time to take a look at your self-esteem.

How do you build and protect your self-esteem?

The good news is that self-esteem is something we can improve. Just like exercising and building our bodies, we can also strengthen our minds. Let's take a look at some of the things we can do to help.

1. Challenge Negative Thoughts

I was talking about the negative voice inside our minds. When that voice comes, don't just accept it, challenge it. Ask yourself questions like, 'Is that really me?', 'Is there any evidence for this?', 'Can't I think about it differently?' Imagine that you had a hard time on an exam. Instead of thinking, 'I'm stupid,' you can think, 'I didn't do well this time, but I'll try harder next time,' right? Techniques taught in therapies such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can sometimes help with this.

2. Practice Self-Compassion

How do you treat your best friend when he or she is sad? Do you scold him or her? Do you not? Do you speak to him or her with kindness and understanding. That's how you should treat yourself. We all make mistakes, we all have weaknesses. Instead of blaming yourself at that time, think, 'It's okay, I'm human too.' Being kind to yourself is very important for building self-esteem.

3. Set Realistic Goals

When we try to achieve big goals all at once, we quickly become frustrated if we fail. So, set small goals that you can actually achieve . When you achieve one of those goals, celebrate it. It will make you feel good about yourself and believe in yourself. Small victories pave the way for big victories.

4. Focus on Your Strengths

We all have some talent, some strength. Maybe you're good at drawing, or maybe you're good at cooking, or maybe you're good at helping others. Instead of dwelling on your weaknesses, find out what your strengths are . Develop them. When you do things that you're good at, you feel good about yourself.

5. Build Positive Relationships

Surround yourself with people who support you, encourage you, and make you feel good when you're with them. It's best to stay away from people who constantly criticize and put you down. Set boundaries . Don't try to be everything to everyone and lose yourself.

6. Take Care of Yourself (Self-Care)

This is very important. Your body and mind need good rest and nutrition. Eat well, drink enough water per day, get enough sleep, and exercise . Find time to do something you enjoy. Do something that brings you joy, like reading a book, listening to music, or doing a little gardening. When we treat ourselves, we feel good about ourselves.

7. Learn to Say No

We often say 'yes' to everything, even if it's difficult for us, out of fear of hurting others. But that only puts us under pressure. If there's something you really can't do or don't want to do, don't be afraid to say 'no' . It saves you time and energy, and it shows that you respect yourself.

8. Accept Imperfections

No one is perfect. We all have flaws and mistakes. Trying to be perfect (Perfectionism) only puts pressure on ourselves. Accept yourself with your flaws. If you make a mistake, learn from it and move on.

9. Help Others

We get great joy from doing a little bit of good for someone else. It makes us feel good about ourselves and our worth. Volunteer , help a neighbor, help someone in any way you can.

10. Seek Professional Help if Needed

Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, it can be difficult to overcome these negative feelings. At such times, it is very important to seek the help of a professional counselor or psychologist/psychiatrist . It is not a weakness, it is something that a person who cares about themselves does. It is like going to see a doctor when we have a fever.

The most important things for you to remember (Take-Home Message)

So, your self-esteem is a very important part of your mental health. It's like a precious plant, we need to take good care of it, nourish it, and protect it.

You are valuable. Love yourself, respect yourself, and believe in yourself.

Self-esteem is not something that is built overnight. It takes time and effort. But it is not impossible. Try to incorporate these things into your life little by little. Some days it will be hard, some days it will be easy. But don't give up. If you feel good about yourself, you will have the strength to face anything life throws at you. Your happiness is in your hands!

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Self-esteem, Self-esteem, Mental health, Happiness, Success, Negative thoughts, Self-care