Yu dɔn ɛva wɔnda wetin mek i izi fɔ sɔm pipul dɛn fɔ abop pan ɔda pipul dɛn ɛn mek padi biznɛs wit ɔda pipul dɛn, ɛn fɔ ɔda pipul dɛn i nɔ kin izi fɔ dɛn? Sɔm pipul kin aks dɛn padi ɛn patna dɛn ɔltɛm se, "Yu go mis mi?" "Yu go lɛf mi?" insay wan we we de mek pɔsin fred. Ɔda pipul dɛn de, we kin avɔyd pɔsin if dɛn tray fɔ kam nia am ivin smɔl, ɛn ayd aw dɛn de fil. Di rizin bihayn dis bihayvya kin bi di rileshɔnship we yu bin gɛt wit yu mama ɛn papa we yu bin smɔl, dat na we yu bin smɔl. Na dat wi kin kɔl "attachment styles" na sayɛns. Lɛ wi tɔk bɔt dis jɔs tide.
Fɔ tɔk am simpul wan, wetin na dɛn atakshɔn stayl ya?
I rili simpul. Atakshɔn stayl na di we aw di pɔsin we de kia fɔ wi fɔs (bɔku tɛm wi mama ɔ papa) bin de tɔk to wi we wi bin smɔl, aw dɛn bin de mit wi nid dɛn, ɛn aw dɛn kin afɛkt wi rilayshɔnship we wi dɔn big.
Tink bɔt am dis we. Aw yu bin biev we yu mama lɛf yu fɔ sɔm tɛm we yu bin smɔl? Yu bin kray bɔku tɛm? Yu bin de fred? O yu bin de kol bikos yu bin no se "Mama go kam bak jisno"? Dɔn bak, wetin yu bin du we Mama kam bak? Yu bin fil fri? Yu bin vɛks? Ɔ yu jɔs ignore am?
Yu ansa to dɛn kwɛstyɔn ya kin tɛl yu bɔku tin bɔt aw dɛn bin mit yu nid dɛn we yu bin smɔl. Dɛn kin gi yu big tin bak bɔt aw yu go du yu padi biznɛs ɛn lɔv we yu dɔn big.
Wetin na di men kayn stayl dɛn we dɛn kin yuz fɔ tay?
Sayɛnsman dɛn we de stɔdi bɔt pɔsin in maynd dɔn no 4 men kayn we aw pɔsin kin gɛt tayt padi biznɛs wit ɔda pɔsin.
1. Sikyu Atashmɛnt Stayl: Dis na di stayl we gɛt wɛlbɔdi ɛn we bɛtɛ pas ɔl.
2. Anxious Attachment Style: Dis na stayl we nɔ gɛt sikyɔriti.
3. Avoidant Attachment Style: Dis na stayl bak we nɔ sef.
4. Disɔganayz Atakshɔn Stayl: Dis na stayl bak we nɔ sikrit.
Wi gol fɔ bi fɔ kɔmɔt nia wan stayl we nɔ sikrit fɔ atak ɛn go to wan stayl we nɔ sikrit fɔ atak.
So aw dɛn atakshɔn stayl ya kin afɛkt wi rilayshɔnship?
I pas 50 ia we dɛn dɔn du risach dɔn pruv se di filin we yu bin gɛt wit di pɔsin we bin de kia fɔ yu we yu bin smɔl, kin afɛkt di we aw yu go lɛk dɛnsɛf tumara bambay.
Imajin se yu gɛt mama ɔ papa we yu kin abop pan ɛn we de kia fɔ ɛnitin we yu nid. If na so i bi, i go mɔs bi se yu go gɛt tayt padi biznɛs wit ɔda pipul dɛn we yu dɔn big. Bɔt if di pɔsin we de kia fɔ yu nɔ bin de kia fɔ yu ɔltɛm, ɛn dɛn nɔ bin de kia fɔ yu ɔltɛm, yu kin gɛt difrɛn prɔblɛm dɛn fɔ mek yu kɔntinyu fɔ gɛt padi biznɛs wit ɔda pipul dɛn we yu dɔn big.
Di impɔtant tin na dat dis atakshɔn stayl de fɔm insay di fɔs 18 mɔnt na yu layf. Bikɔs di bren de divɛlɔp kwik kwik wan insay da tɛm de, dɛn tin dɛn de kin afɛkt wi fɔ di res ɔf wi layf.
1. Sikyuɔr Atɛshmɛnt Stayl
Fɔ tɔk am simpul wan, dis min di ebul fɔ bil padi biznɛs we gɛt wɛlbɔdi, we go satisfay, ɛn we go de fɔ lɔng tɛm.
We dɛn smɔl: Dɛn pikin ya kin fil sef, dɛn valyu dɛn, dɛn kin ɔndastand dɛn, ɛn dɛn kin fil fayn wit di pɔsin we de kia fɔ dɛn. Dɛn kin kray we di pɔsin we de kia fɔ dɛn go fɔ sɔm tɛm, bɔt dɛn kin kɔrej dɛn we dɛn kam bak. We dɛn de fred, dɛn kin rɔn go to di pɔsin we de kia fɔ dɛn.
Big pɔsin: If yu gɛt dis stayl, yu kin fil sef ɛn gɛt kɔnfidɛns pan yu big pɔsin. Yu kin tɛl yu patna ɛn yu tayt padi dɛn klia wan bɔt aw yu de fil. Yu kin aks ɔda pipul dɛn fɔ ɛp yu we nid de. Yu gɛt gud rɛspɛkt fɔ yusɛf bak.
| Karakta dɛn fɔ wan Sikyu Atɛshmɛnt | |
|---|---|
| Fɔ abop pan ɔda pipul dɛn izi wan | No fred ɔ dawt nɔ de we nɔ nid fɔ de pan rileshɔnship. |
| Fɔ tɔk to pipul dɛn fayn fayn wan | Dɛn kin tɔk klia wan bɔt wetin dɛn nid ɛn aw dɛn de fil. |
| Rigul di we aw pɔsin de fil | We filin lɛk pwɛl hat ɛn vɛks kin kam, dɛn kin ebul fɔ kɔntrol dɛn fayn fayn wan. |
| Nɔto fɔ gɛt prɔblɛm fɔ spɛn tɛm yu wan | Yu nɔ nid pɔsin we de rawnd yu ɔltɛm fɔ mek yu gladi. |
| Rizolushɔn fɔ kɔnflikt | We prɔblɛm kam, dɛn kin tray fɔ sɔlv am bay we dɛn de tɔk to dɛn pas fɔ kɔl dɛn. |
2. Anxious Attachment Stayl we yu de wɔri
Dis na wan insekyuɔr atakshɔn stayl. Bɔku tɛm pipul dɛn we gɛt dis stayl kin fred se dɛn nɔ go gri fɔ tek dɛn ɛn lɛf dɛn . So, dɛn kin luk to ɔda pipul dɛn ɔltɛm fɔ mek dɛn validet dɛn.
We dɛn smɔl: Dɛn pikin ya kin vɛks bad bad wan we dɛn separet frɔm dɛn mama ɛn papa. Bɔt, dɛn nɔ kin kɔrej dɛn we dɛn mama ɛn papa kam bak. Dɛn kin ivin vɛks. Dɛn pikin ya nɔ kin abop pan strenja dɛn pas ɔda pikin dɛn.
Big pɔsin: We dɛn pipul ya dɔn big, bɔku tɛm dɛn kin fil se dɛn patna ɔ padi dɛn nɔ rili lɛk dɛn. Bikɔs ɔf dis, dɛn kin fred bad bad wan fɔ lɛ dɛn nɔ gri fɔ tek dɛn ɔ lɛf dɛn. Dɛn nɔ gɛt bɛtɛ rɛspɛkt fɔ dɛnsɛf. Dɛn nid ɔda pipul dɛn fɔ gladi fɔ dɛn ɔltɛm fɔ mek dɛn fil se dɛn gri wit dɛn. Dɛn kin rili brok we rilayshɔnship dɔn.
| Di kwaliti dɛm fɔ Anxious Attachment | |
|---|---|
| Fɔ fil se yu nɔ gɛt wan valyu | Tink lek "A no gud inof" de kam op ol di taim. |
| Hypersensitivity to kritik | Ilɛksɛf yu tɔk smɔl tin, i min bɔku tin. |
| I nɔ izi fɔ mek yu de yu wan | A kin fil ɔltɛm se a nid fɔ de wit pɔsin. |
| I nɔ izi fɔ abop pan ɔda pipul dɛn | A kin luk am ɔltɛm wit saspek, a kin wɔnda se, "Dis pɔsin rili lɛk mi?" |
| jɛlɔs we pɔsin kin jɛlɔs | Yu kin ivin jɛlɔs we yu patna de tɔk to ɔda pipul dɛn. |
3. Avɔyd fɔ Atak Stayl
Dis na insɛkyu atakshɔn stayl bak. Pipul dɛn we gɛt dis stayl kin gɛt prɔblɛm fɔ mek rilayshɔnship we gɛt minin bikɔs dɛn kin fred fɔ gɛt tayt padi biznɛs . Dɛn nɔ kin lɛk fɔ kam nia dɛnsɛf pan aw dɛn de fil.
We dɛn smɔl: Dɛn bebi ɛn pikin ya nɔ kin aks fɔ kɔrej frɔm di wan dɛn we de kia fɔ dɛn. Dɛn nɔ go gri if dɛn gi dɛn am, bɔt bɔku tɛm dɛn kin avɔyd fɔ tɔk to dɛnsɛf. Dɛn pikin ya nɔ kin si bɔku difrɛns bitwin di wan dɛn we de kia fɔ dɛn ɛn di wan dɛn we dɛn nɔ no.
As big pɔsin: As big pɔsin, if yu gɛt dis stayl, yu kin avɔyd fɔ gɛt tayt padi biznɛs wit ɔda pɔsin. Yu nɔ kin gɛt filin fɔ yu padi ɛn patna dɛn. Dɛn pipul ya gɛt rili strɔng sɛns fɔ indipɛndɛns . Dɛn kin fil se dɛn de trɛtin if pɔsin tray fɔ kam nia dɛn. Dis kin mek i nɔ izi fɔ dɛn fɔ tɛl ɔda pipul dɛn bɔt aw dɛn rili fil.
| Karakta dɛn fɔ Avɔyd fɔ Atak | |
|---|---|
| Strɔng indipɛndɛns | Di atitudi fɔ "A nɔ nid ɛnibɔdi fɔ ɛp, a kin du ɔltin fɔ misɛf." |
| Fɔ dismis ɔda pipul dɛn izi wan | If ɛnibɔdi tray fɔ kam nia am, i nɔ de pe atɛnshɔn to am ɔ avɔyd am. |
| I nɔ izi fɔ abop pan ɔda pipul dɛn | Dɛn kin tink se if dɛn tɔk bɔt aw dɛn de fil, dɛn go yuz am agens dɛn. |
| Fɔ fred fɔ gɛt tayt padi biznɛs | Fɔ fil bad we yu de kam nia pɔsin pan filin ɔ bɔdi. |
| Di tin dɛn we gɛt fɔ du wit kɔmitmɛnt | Dɛn nɔ kin want fɔ gɛt siriɔs padi biznɛs ɔ fɔ mared. |
4. Disɔganayz Atɛshmɛnt Stayl
Dis na di tɔd kayn insekyuɔr atakshɔn stayl. Pipul wae gɛt dis stayl nɔr kin biev fayn ɛn i nɔ kin izi fɔ abop pan ɔda pipul dɛm.
We dɛn smɔl: Pikin dɛn we gɛt dis stayl kin sho se dɛn kɔnfyus. Dɛn kin fil se dɛn de fred se bad tin go apin. Bɔrku tɛm dis kin bi bikɔs di pɔrsin wae de kia fɔ dɛn nɔr kin biev fayn. Fɔ ɛgzampul, sɔntɛnde da pɔsin de kin kɔrej di pikin, bɔt ɔda tɛm dɛn kin mek di pikin fred. So di pikin nɔ kin rili abop pan di pɔsin we de kia fɔ dɛn. Na bikɔs di sem pɔsin we de du dɛn bad sɔntɛnde kin mek dɛn kɔrej bak. Bɔku tɛm dɛn kin si dis stayl pan pikin dɛn we dɛn dɔn du bad to, we dɛn at pwɛl, ɔ we dɛn nɔ de kia fɔ .
Big pɔsin: We dɛn dɔn big, di we aw dɛn pipul ya kin biev kin mek pɔsin kɔnfyus ɛn nɔ kin no wetin go apin. Dɛn want lɔv ɛn kɔnekshɔn, bɔt dɛn de fred am. Dis kin mek dɛn gɛt di we aw dɛn de luk fɔ lɔv ɛn nɔ gri wit am bɔku tɛm we dɛn gɛt am. Dɛn kin rili nia dɛn patna wan de, ɛn dɛn kin de fa fawe di nɛks de.
| Karakta dɛn fɔ wan Disɔganayz Atɛshmɛnt | |
|---|---|
| I nɔ izi fɔ abop pan ɔda pipul dɛn | Fɔ fred se di wan dɛn we dɛn lɛk go du dɛn bad. |
| I nɔ kin izi fɔ kɔntrol di we aw pɔsin de fil | Imɔshɔn dɛn kin go ɔp ɛn fɔdɔm wantɛm wantɛm. |
| Fɔ sho ɔl tu di sayn dɛm fɔ wɔri ɛn fɔ avɔyd | Sɔntɛnde dɛn kin tray fɔ kam nia, ɔda tɛm dɛn kin muf go fa. |
| Fɔ fred fɔ lɛ dɛn nɔ gri fɔ tek yu | Dis frayd kin mek pipul dɛn de fa frɔm rilayshɔnship bifo dɛn ivin bigin. |
| Di we aw pipul dɛn de biev we nɔ gri wit dɛnsɛf | Konflikt filin lɛk "A want yu, bɔt de fa frɔm mi." |
Yu tink se dɛn kin chenj dis tay stayl?
Yɛs, yu kin ebul! Dat na di bɛst nyus. Fɔ chenj dis kin bigin wit fɔ no yusɛf . Wae yu dɔn no wetin na yu filin, us patna yu gɛt na yu big pipul, yu kin bigin fɔ chenj dɛn ol tinkin.
Pan ɔl we yu kin du dis fɔ yusɛf to sɔm mak, i fayn fɔ tɔk to pɔsin we de gi advays ɔr tritmɛnt we go ɛp yu pan dis joyn. Dɛn kin ɛp yu fɔ ɔndastand dɛn tin ya, mɛn ol wund, ɛn bil wɛl bɔdi padi biznɛs. Yu kin tɔk bak to yu famili dɔktɔ bɔt dis.
Aw a go bil ‘Secure’ bond wit mi pikin?
As mama ɔ papa, di filin we yu de mek wit yu pikin rili impɔtant. I tan lɛk se yu gi yu pikin map ɛn kɔmpas bifo i bigin fɔ travul na layf.
Tink bɔt am lɛk siment. We yu gɛt fresh simen, yu kin mol am to ɛni shep we yu want. Bɔt we i dɔn dray, i kin tek bɔku tray fɔ chenj am. So, i izi fɔ gayd yu pikin in imɔshɔnal wɛlbɔdi di tɛm we dɛn de divɛlɔp.
So aw yu go bil dis sikrit atakshɔn wit yu pikin? Fɔs, tek dip briz. We yu de rid dis atikul, dat min se yu want fɔ no aw yu pikin go liv fayn. I go mɔs bi se yu dɔn ɔlrɛdi de gi yu pikin wetin i nid bay insɛf. Na sɔm ɔda tin dɛn we go ɛp wi:
- Mek yusɛf de fɔ di pikin ɛn wetin i nid:I nɔ prɛktikal fɔ gi yu pikin 100% atɛnshɔn ɔltɛm. Bɔt spɛn tɛm wit yu pikin ivin we dɛn nɔ de ɛkspɛkt am. Da we de, yu pikin go ɔndastand se yu want fɔ de wit dɛn bikɔs ɔf dɛn.
- Validate feelings: Pe atɛnshɔn to wetin yu pikin de fil ɛn ɛp am fɔ rayt dɛn filin dɛn de. Mɛmba dɛm se "fɔ fil vɛks ɛn sɔri na nɔmal tin, ɛn rizin de fɔ ɛvri filin." If yu ɛp dɛn fɔ fɛn wɛl bɔdi we fɔ kɔntrol di prɔblɛm dɛn we nɔ izi fɔ yu lɛk fɔ vɛks, dat go mek yu gɛt tayt padi biznɛs wit dɛnsɛf.
- Put di tin dɛn we yu pikin lɛk ɛn di tin dɛn we i lɛk fɔ du: Lan bɔt di tin dɛn we yu pikin lɛk. Tɔk bɔt wetin dɛn lɛk ɛn fɛn we fɔ kɔnɛkt wit dɛn.
- Ɛnjɔy fɔ spɛn tɛm togɛda fɔ natin: As mama ɔ papa, wan big pat pan yu wok na fɔ gayd yu pikin. Dat rili impɔtant. Bɔt i impɔtant bak fɔ spɛn tɛm wit dɛn fɔ no patikyula rizin. Da we de, yu pikin go no aw yu lɛk dɛn ɛn yu gri wit dɛn jɔs lɛk aw dɛn de.
di bond we yu de bil wit yu pikin insay di fכs 18 mכnt dεm na in layf kin afekt di we aw i de intarakt wit yu כlsay na in layf. So nɔ chenj ɛn ɔndastand we yu de dil wit yu pikin. Yu kin tɔk bak to yu pikin in pikin dɔktɔ bɔt dis ɛn gɛt mɔ advays.
Mɛsej we dɛn kin kɛr go na os
- Di rilayshɔnship we yu bin gɛt wit di wan dɛn we bin de kia fɔ yu we yu bin smɔl, mɔ insay di fɔs 18 mɔnt, na in de mek di padi biznɛs we yu go gɛt we yu big.
- Fo men stayl dɛn de fɔ atak pɔsin, di wan we gɛt wɛlbɔdi ɛn di gol fɔ bi fɔ atak pɔsin we sikrit.
- Fɔ no yu atakshɔn stayl na di fɔs tin we yu fɔ du fɔ mek yu gɛt wɛlbɔdi chenj.
- Ivin if yu gɛt insekyuɔr atakshɔn stayl, i rili pɔsibul fɔ chenj am ɛn bil wɛlbɔdi rilayshɔnship.
- As mama ɔ papa, yu kin ɛp tranga wan fɔ mek yu gɛt tayt padi biznɛs wit yu pikin.
- If yu gɛt wɔri bɔt aw yu de rilayshɔnship ɔ aw yu pikin de fil, nɔ shem fɔ tɔk to yu dɔktɔ ɔ pɔsin we sabi advays yu.
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