Masithethe ngokuzithemba, indlela yokuthetha into esengqondweni yakho ngaphandle kokulimaza mntu!

Sonke sikhe sibe nexesha ebomini bethu apho kufuneka sixelele abanye ngokucacileyo into esiyicingayo nento esiyifunayo. Kodwa ngamanye amaxesha kuvakala kunzima ukwenza njalo, size sizive sisoyika kwaye sixhalabile ngaphakathi. Ngamaxesha anjalo, le yinto ebaluleke kakhulu esincedayo. Ngamafutshane, kukuveza izimvo zethu ngokuzithemba kuthi, kodwa sikwahlonipha abanye.

Yintoni kanye kanye i-Assertiveness?

Cinga ngale ndlela: Ukuzithemba yindlela ephilileyo yokunxibelelana. Kuthetha ukukwazi ukuveza iingcinga zakho, iimvakalelo zakho, iimfuno zakho kunye nezimvo zakho ngokunyaniseka nangentlonelo . Sijongana neemeko ezininzi imihla ngemihla, kwaye olu hlobo lokuzithemba lunokusinceda kakhulu. Umzekelo:

• Ukucela umntu omthandayo ukuba niphume niye kuthandana.
• Ukubuza umbuzo kutitshala wesikolo okanye kumfundisi-ntsapho.
• Ukuthetha kakuhle xa usiya kudliwanondlebe lomsebenzi.
• Yiya evenkileni ucele kanye into oyifunayo.

Olu `(Ukuzithemba)` aluyonto eyenzeka ngokwemvelo kuye wonke umntu. Abanye abantu bathule kakhulu, bayoyika ukuthetha izinto abazicingayo, baze bathi "ewe" kuyo yonke into. Silubiza ngokuba yisitayile esithi `(Ukungabi namdla)`. Kukho abanye, indlela abathetha ngayo irhabaxa kancinci, ngokungathi ababakhathaleli abanye. Oko kubizwa ngokuba yisitayile esithi `(Ubudlova)`. `(Ukuzithemba)` lulungelelwano olugqibeleleyo phakathi kwezi zimbini. Kufana nendawo ephakathi yegolide. Ngoko ke, kuthetha ukuthini ukuziphatha `(Ukuzithemba)`?

• Ungayichaza ngokucacileyo imbono yakho kunye neemvakalelo zakho.
• Ungacela into oyifunayo, iimfuno zakho.
• Ukuba umntu akavumelani nawe, ungavumelana naye ngentlonelo .
• Ungangenisa izimvo zakho kunye neengcebiso.
• Ungathi "Andinakukwenza oku" okanye "Andikuthandi oku" ngaphandle kokuziva unetyala.
• Ungathetha egameni lomnye umntu, ngenxa yamalungelo akhe.

Kutheni ukuzithemba kubaluleke kangaka?

Ngoku usenokuba ucinga ukuba, ingaba oku kubaluleke kangaka? Ewe, ukuzithemba akupheleli nje ekusincedeni ukuba sifumane into esiyifunayo, kodwa kukwanceda kakhulu. Xa sithetha ngendlela eqinisekileyo, kubonisa ukuba siyazihlonipha thina nabanye . Abantu abathetha ngendlela eqinisekileyo bathumela umyalezo kwihlabathi wokuba bakholelwa kubo. Abazintloni kakhulu, kwaye abazami ukutyhala abanye. Bayazi ukuba iimvakalelo zabo kunye nezimvo zabo zibalulekile . Banokuzithemba okuhle. Abantu abenza ngendlela eqinisekileyo badla ngokufumana kulula ukwenza abahlobo kuba bathetha ngendlela ehlonipha iimfuno zabanye nezabo. Bahlala benobuchule ekusombululeni iingxaki kunye nokungavisisani xa kuvela. Cinga nje, xa sihlonipha abanye, sifumana loo ntlonelo kwakhona.Yiyo loo nyaniso.

Uphi? Ingaba kuthule kakhulu? Ingaba kukhwaza kakhulu? Okanye kulungile?

Ngoku makhe sibone ukuba umi phi kweli zinga libizwa ngokuba yi-"Assertiveness." Nazi ezinye zemizekelo:

Ibali likaPawani: Kuthule kancinci... (Kulula kakhulu)

Ukuba ubuza uPawani, "Yeyiphi imuvi ongathanda ukuyibukela?" mhlawumbi uya kuthi, "Owu, andazi, masibone leyo uyithandayo." Uhlala evumela abanye ukuba benze izigqibo, aze kamva azisole athi, "Akwaba benditshilo loo nto." Uziva ekhululekile xa abahlobo bakhe kuphela abathethayo. Kodwa naxa uPawani ezama ukujoyina, uthetha kancinci kangangokuba abanye bengazi ukuba bathetha ngaye.

Ibali likaJanani: Livakala lirhabaxa kancinci, akunjalo? (Linoburhalarhume kakhulu)

UJanani akoyiki ukuthetha into ayicingayo. Kodwa xa esenza njalo, ukwenza ngokuvakalayo, ngendlela yokuba kuphela uluvo lwakhe oluchanekileyo. Xa kuqhubeka incoko, uyayithatha uninzi lwayo, uhlala ephazamisa abanye, kwaye akasoloko ephulaphula oko kuthethwa ngabanye. Ukuba awuvumelani naye, ukuxelela ngokugculelayo okanye akwehlise. Abantu abaninzi bathi uJanani "ulawula kakhulu" (uyabayalela abanye), kwaye akacingi ngeemvakalelo zabanye abantu.

Ibali likaBenura: Le yindlela eyiyo! (Eyiyo kanye - Eqinisekileyo)

Ukuba ucela uBenura ukuba akunike uluvo, uza kukuxelela ngokunyaniseka. Ukuba akavumelani nawe, uza kutsho ngaphandle kokukugxeka, ngaphandle kokukwenza uzive ngathi awulunganga. UBenura naye unomdla kuluvo lwakho, kwaye uyaphulaphula ngononophelo into oyithethayo. Nokuba uBenura akavumelani nawe, ungaziva ukuba uyayihlonipha imbono yakho.

Iingxaki ezivelayo ukuba awukhathali kakhulu

Kulungile, masicinge ngabantu "abangasebenziyo" abafana noPawani. Basenokuziva ngathi abanye bayabasebenzisa, besebenzela inzuzo yabo. Emva koko banokuziva bebuhlungu, benomsindo, kwaye benomsindo . Xa ufihla oko ukucingayo nokuvakalelwayo, abanye abafumani thuba lokukwazi nokukuqonda ngokufanelekileyo. Iingcamango zakho ezilungileyo azizuzisi iqela, indawo yokusebenza, kunye nosapho njengoko kufanele.

Ukuba uqala ukucinga, "Iingcamango zam azibalulekanga, iimvakalelo zam azibalulekanga nakubani na," oko kunokukunciphisa kancinci ukuzithemba kwakho. Iingcamango zakho ezilungileyo zisenokungafumani ukuqatshelwa nokukhuthazwa okufaneleyo. Ukuba le meko iyaqhubeka, usenokuba nesimo sengqondo esifana nokudakumba .

Iingxaki ezinokuvela ukuba unomsindo kakhulu

Ngoku makhe sibone ukuba kwenzeka ntoni kubantu abaziphatha ngendlela ethi `(Aggressive)` njengoJanani. Basenokukufumanisa kunzima ukugcina abahlobo nokugcina ubudlelwane obuhle. Basenokuzama ukubethelela abanye kwiincoko, baveze izimvo zabo ngamandla nangokungxama, kwaye abanye banokuziva ngathi abahlonitshwa okanye abaxatyiswa. Abantu abanendlela ethi `(Aggressive)` banokukwazi ukufumana into abayifunayo kwabanye. Kodwa uninzi lwexesha, bagqibela bengafunwa kwaye bengathandwa ngabanye. Ekugqibeleni, balahlekelwa yintlonelo yabanye.

Kutheni wonke umntu engaziqheliseli kakuhle izinto ezibonisa ukuzithemba? Siyintoni isizathu?

Enyanisweni, kutheni abanye abantu `(Assertive)` befana noBenura, ngelixa abanye befana noPawani okanye `(Aggressive)` noJanani? Esinye isizathu soku bubuntu bethu. Kwakhona kuphenjelelwa yimikhwa esiye sayakha ngokuhamba kwexesha kunye namava esiye sawafumana. Kwangaxeshanye, sifunda ukuziphatha ngendlela `(Assertive)`, `(Assertive)`, okanye `(Aggressive)` ngokujonga indlela abanye abaziphatha ngayo, ingakumbi indlela abo basikhulisayo ebuntwaneni (abazali, abagcini) abaziphatha ngayo.

Izizathu zokungenzi nto:

• Ukungazithembi nokuzixabisa izimvo zakho.
• Ukucinga kakhulu ngokukholisa abanye nokuzuza ukuthandwa ngabo.
• Uloyiko olugqithisileyo lokwaliwa okanye abanye abangavumelaniyo nezimvo zomntu.
• Ukuba novelwano kakhulu xa kugxekwa, okanye ukuba buhlungu ngamava angaphambili okuba izimvo zabo zingananzwa okanye zingamkelwa.
• Ukungaphuhlisi izakhono ezifunekayo ukuze umntu aziphathe ngendlela "eqinisekileyo".

Izizathu zokuba nobundlobongela:

• Ukuzithemba kakhulu kuthetha ukucinga ukuba nguwe wedwa olungileyo.
• Ukusebenzela ukugxininisa iimfuno zakho kunye nezimvo zakho kuphela, ngaphandle kokucinga ngabanye abantu.
• Ekubeni ndingafundanga ukuhlonipha nokuqwalasela izimvo, iimvakalelo kunye neemfuno zabanye.
• Ukungakwazi ukumamela, ukungafundi ukubuza izimvo zabanye abantu.

Izinto ezinokukunceda uziphathe ngokuzithemba:

• Ukuzithemba okuhle.
• Ukukholelwa ngentliziyo yonke ukuba izimvo zakho zibalulekile, iimvakalelo zakho zibalulekile, kwaye unelungelo lokuziveza.
• Ukuba namandla engqondo nokunyamezela ukujongana nokugxekwa, ukwaliwa, kunye neengxaki xa zifika.
• Ukuhlonipha iminqweno neemfuno zabanye.
• Ukuba ngumzekelo kwabo baziphatha ngendlela ecacileyo.
• Ukuba namava amahle, njengokufumana iimpendulo ezilungileyo xa izimvo zakho zamkelwe kwaye uziphathe ngendlela eqinisekisayo.

Singazimisela njani? Izinto esinokuziqhelisa

Iindaba ezimnandi zezokuba ukuzithemba yinto esinokuziqhelisa size siyiphuhlise. Kuthatha nje ukuziqhelisa kwizakhono zonxibelelwano kunye nesimo sengqondo esihle. Abanye abantu banokuba nakho ngokwemvelo. Abanye banokufuna ukuziqhelisa okungakumbi. Kodwa nabani na angayiphuhlisa . Nazi ezinye zezinto onokuzenza ukunceda:

1. Okokuqala, chonga indlela yakho yokunxibelelana.

Ngokunyaniseka cinga ngokuba "ungumntu ozimiseleyo", "ongenzi nto", okanye "onobundlongondlongo". Emva koko, gqiba kwelokuba ufuna ukunciphisa ukungabi namdla okanye ukuba nobundlobongela, okanye uphucule "umntu ozimiseleyo" okhoyo.

2. Zama ezi zinto ukuze unciphise ukungakwazi kwakho ukwenza izinto kwaye ube nesibindi ngakumbi:

• Lumka ngento oyicingayo, into oyivayo, into oyifunayo, nento oyithandayo. Ngaphambi kokuba uxelele abanye ezi zinto, kufuneka uzazi ngokwakho ezi zinto.
• Xa umntu ekubuza ukuba ufuna ntoni, qaphela ukuba uthetha izinto ezinje, "Owu, andazi," "Andikhathali," okanye "Kulungile." Yiyeke loo mkhwa. Ziqhelise ukuthetha into oyifunayo, nokuba zizinto ezincinci. Umzekelo, ukuba umntu ubuza athi, "Uyayifuna le iluhlaza okanye ebomvu?" ungathi, "Ndingathanda le iluhlaza - enkosi kakhulu."
• Ziqhelise ukucela izinto. Umzekelo: "Ndingakunika icephe?" "Ndifuna ipeni - ngaba ukhona umntu onelinye?" "Ungandibambela isihlalo phaya?" Xa uziqhelisa ukucela izinto ezincinci ezinje, uza kwakha izakhono nokuzithemba okudingayo ukuze ucele into enkulu nebalulekileyo.
• Yabelana ngoluvo lwakho. Sixelele ukuba uyayithanda okanye awuyithandi imuvi oyibukeleyo, kwaye kutheni ucinge njalo.
• Ziqhelise ukusebenzisa amazwi athi " Ndithanda..." "Ndikhetha..." "Ndivakalelwa... " Oku kuya kukunceda uveze iimvakalelo zakho kunye nezimvo zakho ngendlela yakho.
• Zama ukuxelisa umntu ozimiseleyo - umntu ongathuliyo nongakrwada. Zama ukuxelisa iimpawu ezintle zaloo mntu.
• Hlala uzikhumbuza ukuba iingcinga zakho nezimvo zakho zibaluleke njengezabanye abantu . Ukwazi oku yindlela entle yokuba nesibindi. Ukuzithemba kuqala ngengqondo exabisa kwaye izihlonipha njengaye nabani na.

3. Nazi ezinye zeengcebiso zokunciphisa ubundlobongela nokuzimisela:

• Mabathethe abanye kuqala.
• Lumka ungaphazamisi abanye. Ukuba wenza njalo, yibambe uze uthi, "Uxolo - wena gqibezela eyakho kuqala!" uze uvumele omnye umntu agqibezele ingongoma yakhe.
• Cela uluvo lomnye umntu uze umamele ngononophelo.
• Xa ungavumelani nento ethile, zama ukuveza uluvo lwakho ngentlonelo, ungalujongeli phantsi uluvo lomnye umntu. Umzekelo, endaweni yokuthi, "Loo ngcamango ibubudenge kakhulu," yithi into efana nokuthi, "Andivumelani nalo mbono." Okanye, endaweni yokuthi, "Loo mntu ngumntu ombi kakhulu," yithi into efana nokuthi, "Ndicinga ukuba akanandaba neemvakalelo zabanye abantu."
• Njengoko bekutshiwo ngaphambili, zenze umzekelo womntu oziphatha kakuhle ngendlela ecacileyo.

4. Abo bazimiseleyo ngokwemvelo kufuneka baphuhlise ngakumbi izakhono zabo:

• Fumana iimodeli ezilungileyo `(ezizithembileyo)`. Lingisa iimpawu zabo ezintle. (Uyabona, sinike nabanye esi siluleko. Isizathu kukuba, sifunda izinto ezintsha yonke imihla ebomini!)
• Cinga ngeemeko apho uzimisele khona kakhulu. Kwabaninzi abantu, kulula ukuzimisela kwezinye iimeko (umz. xa uphakathi kwabahlobo), kodwa kwezinye iimeko (umz. xa uphakathi kootitshala, abantu abatsha) kunokuba ngumceli mngeni. Kwezo meko zinzima, cinga: "Ndingatsho njani oku kubahlobo bam abasenyongweni?" Oku kuya kwenza izinto zibe lula kuwe.

Eyona nto ibalulekileyo ekufuneka uyikhumbule kukuba

Okokugqibela, nantsi into omawuyithethe. Xa "uqinisekile", oko kukuthi, xa uthetha into esengqondweni yakho ngokunyaniseka, ngokucacileyo, kodwa ngentlonelo, kubonisa ukuba ukholelwa kangakanani kuwe.

Unelungelo lokuveza iingcinga zakho neemvakalelo zakho kwihlabathi. Unoxanduva lokuhlonipha izimvo zabanye abantu. Ukuzithemba kukudibanisa okugqibeleleyo zombini ezi zinto.

Ukuphuhlisa esi zakhono sibizwa ngokuba yi-"Assertiveness" linyathelo elibaluleke kakhulu ekubeni ngumntu ofuna ukuba nguye, "umntu wakho ongcono kakhulu"! Ngoko ke, qala ukuziqhelisa ezi zinto kancinci kancinci. Ungakwenza oko!

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Ukuzithemba, unxibelelwano, ukuzithemba, ukuveza izimvo, ubudlelwane, impilo yengqondo, ukuziphatha