Ngaba wakha waphawula ukuba umhlobo wakho osenyongweni okanye ilungu losapho litshintshe kakhulu kwindlela ababeyiyo ngaphambili? Abancumi kangako, abathethi kakhulu, bahlala becinga... Ngamanye amaxesha basenokuba baziva belusizi kakhulu okanye bedakumbile. Kodwa ukuba le meko iyaqhubeka kangangeeveki okanye iinyanga, ayikokudakumba nje kuphela. Basenokuba balwa nesifo esibizwa ngokuba kukudandatheka. Ngoko ke, ukunceda umntu onjalo, namhlanje siza kuthetha ngendlela esifanele sithethe ngayo naye ngaphandle kokumenzakalisa iimvakalelo zakhe.
Okokuqala, masiqonde ukuba yintoni na ukudakumba.
Uxinzelelo yimeko engapheliyo efuna unyango olukhethekileyo. Asikokuziva nje ulusizi okuhamba kwiintsuku ezimbalwa. Kudla ngokuba nzima ukuchacha kule meko ngaphandle koncedo.
Khawucinge ukuba umhlobo wakho wayesakuba onwabile kakhulu kwaye echwayitile. Kodwa ngoku uthule kakhulu kwaye uthanda ukuhlala egumbini lakhe aze abe yedwa. Usenokuba unesizathu okanye ungabi naso. Kusenokuba kukulahlekelwa ngumntu omthandayo, ukulahlekelwa ngumsebenzi, njl. Kodwa ngamanye amaxesha uxinezeleko lunokwenzeka ngaphandle kwesizathu esicacileyo.
Nazi ezinye izinto ekufuneka sizazi malunga nokudakumba:
- Asikuko isifo, asikuko ubuvila: Ukudakumba asikobuvila okanye ubuthathaka bengqondo. Yimeko yezonyango eyenzeka ngotshintsho kwiikhemikhali (ii-neurotransmitters) engqondweni yethu. Yiyo loo nto beziva ngathi abanawo amandla okwenza into elula njengokuvuka ebhedini baze bahlambe ubuso babo.
- Le yimeko eqhelekileyo kakhulu: inani elikhulu labantu lihlushwa yile meko eSri Lanka nakwihlabathi liphela. Ngoko ke musa ukucinga ukuba umntu wakho uyedwa.
- Ezinye iimeko zonyango zinokubangela ukudakumba: Ezinye iimeko zomzimba zinokubangela ukudakumba, njenge- hypothyroidism .
- Ingabangelwa nangamayeza: Ukudakumba kunokubakho njengesiphumo esingesihle samanye amayeza asetyenziswa kwizifo ezifana noxinzelelo lwegazi oluphezulu.
- Thetha ngokuphelisa ubomi bakho: Le yinto ekufuneka ithathwe nzulu kakhulu . Ukuba umntu ukuxelela ukuba udiniwe bubomi kwaye uziva ngathi uza kufa, ungaze uyithathe lula loo nto. Isenokuba kukukhalela uncedo.
Singamnceda njani umntu oxinezelekileyo?
Ukuba uvakalelwa kukuba ufuna ukunceda umhlobo okanye ilungu losapho, nantsi indlela yokuqalisa loo ncoko.
Okokuqala, mxelele into ekucingayo.
Ixesha elininzi, siyoyika ukuthetha ngolu hlobo lwento. Kodwa eli lixesha elifanelekileyo lokubonisa inkathalo nothando lwakho kuye. Ungathetha ngolu hlobo ngelizwi elizolileyo nelinobubele.
"Ndikhathazekile kancinci ngawe kule mihla. Ndivakalelwa kukuba awusafani nakuqala. Ingaba yonke into ilungile?"
Xa ubuza lo mbuzo, uya kuziva ngathi umkhathalele. Emva koko mamela ngononophelo oko akutshoyo. Buza ukuba ungamnceda njani. Ungambuza nokuba ungamnceda na ukuba aye kugqirha .
Ukukunceda uthi 'hayi' kwaye uthi 'ewe'
Sizama ukubakhuthaza ngeenjongo ezilungileyo, kodwa ngamanye amaxesha izinto esizithethayo zinokubalimaza nangakumbi. Ngoko ke kuphephe ukuthetha izinto ezinje.
| Musa ukuyithetha ngolu hlobo ❌ | Kungcono ukuyithetha ngolu hlobo ✔️ |
|---|---|
| "Ezo ziingxaki wonke umntu anazo. Yomelela." | "Uziva njani namhlanje?" |
| "Wonke umntu unexesha elibuhlungu." | "Ndiyaxolisa kakhulu ukuba ujongene nobunzima obungaka." |
| "Owu, into efana naleyo yenzeke nakum, yile nto ndiyenzileyo..." | "Ndiyabona ukuba uphantsi kwentlungu engakanani na." |
| "Yonke into iza kulunga kwiintsuku ezimbalwa." | "Ndingenza ntoni ukuze ndikuncede?" |
Ngamafutshane, musa ukuthelekisa iimvakalelo zabo nezomnye umntu. Ukwenza njalo kuya kubenza bazive ngathi intlungu yabo ayifanelekanga kwaye yinto eqhelekileyo. Kuya kubenza bazive bebodwa nangakumbi.
Yiba nomonde kwaye uxabise nokuba kukho utshintsho oluncinci.
Abantu abanesifo sokudakumba abasoloko befana. Ezinye iintsuku zilungile, ezinye zimbi kakhulu. Ukuba abafuni ukuthetha, musa ukunyanzela. Mhlawumbi bafuna nje ukuba ube lapho ungathethanga.
"Kulungile ukuba awufuni ukuthetha, ndiza kuhlala nawe apha."
"Ukuba ufuna ukulila, ulile, akukho nto imbi ngaloo nto."
Kwakhona, ukuba benza into encinci - umzekelo, ukuhlamba ubuso emva kwexesha elide nokutshintsha impahla yabo - musa ukuyithetha ngendelelo. Endaweni yoko, yincome loo mzamo mncinci.
| Musa ukuthetha oku ngokugculelayo ❌ | Yixabise ngolu hlobo ✔️ |
|---|---|
| "Ah... unxibe namhlanje, akunjalo?" | "Ndiyavuya ukuba uvukile. Ndingakwenzela iti?" |
| "Kubonakala ngathi indlu icocekile kancinci..." | "Indlu intle. Ndiyazi ukuba kumele ukuba wenze umgudu omkhulu kuyo." |
Ukuba ilizwi elibukhali liphuma kubo...
Ngamanye amaxesha, basenokukukhwaza ngale nto, uze wena uphazamiseke. Musa ukuyithatha njengengxaki yakho ngelo xesha. Asingomhlobo wakho othethayo, kukugula kwakhe. Yiba nomonde. Bakhumbuze uthi, "Ndihlala ndilapha ukuba ufuna ukuthetha."
Iindlela zokulwa nokudakumba
Ezi ngcebiso ziya kuba luncedo kuni nina nixinezelekileyo nakwabo banceda umntu oxinezelekileyo.
- Funa ingcebiso yezonyango ngokukhawuleza: Eli lelona nyathelo libalulekileyo nelokuqala. Ukuze wenze oku, dibana nogqirha wengqondo oqeqeshiweyo okanye ugqirha wosapho lwakho nize nithethe ngale nto. Amayeza kunye nengcebiso zihlala zifuneka.
- Ukuba uneengcinga zokuzibulala, musa ukubandezeleka wedwa: xelela umntu omthembayo ngoko nangoko. Okanye, fowunela iFriends of Sri Lanka okanye iNational Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) inombolo engxamisekileyo 1926 ukuze ufumane uncedo. Bakulungele ukukumamela.
- Qala usuku lwakho ngokuzilolonga kancinci: Akunyanzelekanga ukuba kube yinto enkulu. Nokuba uhamba imizuzu eli-10-15 ebaleni kunokwenza umahluko omkhulu.
- Gcina ucwangciso: Lala uze uvuke ngexesha elinye kangangoko. Yitya ukutya okunesondlo.
- Yenza izinto ezimbalwa owawuzithanda: Nokuba yinto encinci njengokubukela imuvi okanye ukumamela ingoma ayinamsebenzi.
- Ziphephe ngokupheleleyo utywala neziyobisi: Nangona ezi zinto zinokubonakala ngathi zikhulula ixesha elifutshane, zinokwenza uxinezeleko lube mandundu ekuhambeni kwexesha.
Umyalezo Wokuya Ekhaya
- Ukudakumba akubobuthathaka bengqondo, kodwa sisifo sokwenyani esifuna unyango.
- Eyona nto ingcono onokumnika umntu onengxaki yokudakumba kukubamamela ngaphandle kokumgweba.
- Endaweni yokudelela amagama anjengokuthi "Wenzani?", sebenzisa amagama axhasayo anjengokuthi "Ndinawe."
- Xabisa nokuba benza umgudu omncinci kangakanani na. Ubanika amandla amakhulu.
- Eyona nto ibalulekileyo kukubathumela kuncedo lwezonyango oluyingcali. Ugqirha wakho ngumcebisi ofanelekileyo koku.
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