Are you worried about your teen? Let's talk about teen suicide.

I know this is a really difficult and sensitive topic to talk about. But, isn't it better for us not to talk about something like this that is connected to the lives of our young children? Suicide is when a person takes their own life. Most of the time, it is caused by overwhelming despair, frustration, or the inability to find a solution to an insoluble problem. The loss of a young child in this way is an unbearable pain for the family, friends, and the entire society.

Why are our young children drawn to such things?

In fact, the reasons why a young person commits suicide are very complex. It is difficult to say just one reason. This is a time of great confusion, where emotions run wild. This is when suicides and attempts are most common.

According to reports from the World Health Organization (WHO) and other organizations, suicide is the second leading cause of death among children aged 10-14 and the third leading cause of death among young people aged 15-24 (after accidents and homicide). It is also likely that suicide attempts are much more common than actual suicides.

Dangers that can occur from household items

This is also a very important point. Especially if there are things like firearms in the house, the risk of suicide is very high. In countries like America, it is said that 60% of suicides are caused by firearms. Therefore, if you have such a thing in your house, you should definitely keep it out of reach of children, remove the bullets, and lock it up well.

Similarly, medication overdose is a very common cause of suicide and suicide attempts. Be careful with over-the-counter medications and prescription medications. Some young people share medications with their friends at school, or keep them in their backpacks or lockers. This is why it is important to keep a close eye on all medications at home.

Is there a difference between girls and boys?

When it comes to suicide, there are some differences between girls and boys. Girls are twice as likely as boys to think about and attempt suicide. They often attempt it by overdosing on medication or cutting themselves.

However, boys are actually four times more likely to die by suicide than girls. Experts believe this is because boys use more lethal methods.

What kind of young children are most at risk?

We all have been through our youth. As beautiful as it was, we also remember it as a confusing, confusing time between childhood and adulthood. On one hand, there are high expectations, and on the other, there is a lot of pressure and responsibility. There is pressure to fit in with friends, to do well in school, and to be responsible.

Similarly, during this time, children also start to think about things like sexual identity and relationships. They feel a need for freedom and sometimes clash with their parents' rules.

Young children, especially those with mental health problems, are more likely to have suicidal thoughts .

For example:

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Bipolar Disorder
• Insomnia​

Also, children who face major life changes (parental divorce, moving to a new place, a parent leaving home for military service, family financial problems ) and children who are bullied, racist, or otherwise stigmatized are at higher risk.

Just think, sometimes what seems like a small thing to us can be a big problem for a young child to handle.

Here are some other risk factors :

• Mental illness, especially depression, bipolar disorder, drug and alcohol abuse (in fact, 95% of people who die by suicide have a mental illness at the time).
• Feelings of intense stress, irritability, and restlessness.
• The hopelessness and feelings of worthlessness that come with depression.
• Having previously attempted suicide.
• Having a family history of depression or suicide.
• Being subjected to mental, physical or sexual abuse.
• Lack of a supportive group, lack of a good relationship with parents or friends, feeling isolated from society.
• Lack of support from family or society when they are in a situation of questioning their sexual identity and/or sexuality. (This is a very sensitive issue, those children need a lot of love and understanding).

What are the signs that can help us recognize this early?

Often, young children who commit suicide have given their loved ones some kind of warning or hint about it beforehand. Therefore, it is very important for parents to be aware of these warning signs. Only then can they provide the necessary help to those children as soon as possible.

These types of signs are usually seen after a stressful event, such as a problem at school, a breakup with a boyfriend/girlfriend, the death of a loved one, a divorce, or a major family dispute.

A young child who is thinking about suicide may do things like:

• There is frequent talk of suicide or death.
• Hints like "I'm not going to be here anymore."
• Talking about disappointment or guilt.
• Being away from friends or family.
• They write songs, poems, and letters about death, separation, and loss.
• They suddenly start giving away valuable things they used to hold dear (e.g. books, toys, clothes) to their younger siblings and friends.
• You lose interest in the things you used to enjoy.
• It becomes difficult to concentrate and think clearly.
• There are major changes in eating or sleeping patterns (suddenly eating a lot/not eating, sleeping a lot/not sleeping at all).
• Engages in risky activities (e.g., driving fast, using drugs).
• Losing interest in schoolwork and sports.

What can we do as parents?

As we've mentioned before, many young people give warning signs before they attempt suicide. So, it's important to recognize these signs. While not every suicide can be prevented, being aware and taking steps to help a young person in need can make a big difference.

Some adults think, "These kids are doing this to get attention." But if we ignore it because we think it's attention-seeking, it actually makes the child more likely to harm themselves. Going to the emergency room, seeing a doctor, or going to a residential treatment center are not things that young children usually want to do - unless they are really depressed, thinking about suicide, or at least wishing they were dead. So, don't dismiss these warning signs as "attention-seeking," they should be taken very seriously.

Look carefully, listen carefully.

Be on the lookout for a young child who is depressed and withdrawn. It is important to understand depression in young children, as it can be different from the symptoms we usually think of as depression. For example, instead of being sad all the time, crying, it can be seen in things like having problems with friends, poor grades, sleep problems, being angry all the time, and being aggressive.

Keep the lines of communication open as much as possible. Let your child know that you care, support, and love them. If your child tells you something that is on their mind, show them that you take it seriously. Think about it, a fight with a friend may not be a big deal to you, but it can be overwhelming and upsetting to a young child. Don't minimize or ignore what your child is going through. That can only make their frustration worse.

If your child is having trouble talking to you, suggest talking to someone else. For example, another relative, a priest, a coach, a school counselor, or your child's doctor.

Don't be afraid to ask questions.

Some parents are afraid to ask their children if they have ever thought about suicide or self-harm. Some feel that asking them will put the idea into their child's head.

But, it's always good to ask, even if it's hard. Sometimes it can be helpful to explain why you're asking. For example, you could say: "Son/daughter, I've noticed you've been talking about wanting to die. Are you really having suicidal thoughts?"

How do we get help?

If you suspect your child is thinking about suicide, get help right away. Your family doctor can refer you to a psychologist or psychiatrist. Or, you can get a list of doctors in your area from the psychiatric department of your local hospital. You can also get this information from your local mental health association or district medical association.

In case of emergency, you can call or send a text message to these international phone numbers:

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: You can call or text 988. You can also contact them through their website.
• Trevor Lifeline for LGBTQ community: Call 1-866-488-7386 or text START to 678678. You can also contact them through their website.

These are free services with trained professionals. Your conversations will be kept confidential. These are international services. You can get help through these, or check if there is a similar service in Sri Lanka. However, in case of an emergency, immediately call the 1990 Suwaseriya Ambulance Service, or go to the nearest hospital.

If your child is in crisis, your local emergency room can perform a psychiatric evaluation and refer you to the necessary resources. If you are unsure whether to take your child to the emergency room, yourTalk to the doctor.

If you have made an appointment to see a mental health counselor , make sure to go to the appointment, even if your child says, "I'm fine now," or "I'm not going." Suicidal thoughts may come and go. However, your child needs help developing the skills to manage these thoughts and behaviors during a crisis.

If your child doesn't want to go to the meeting, tell the mental health professional. By going to the session on your own or working with the professional, you can keep the door open for your child to get the help they need. The professional will also teach you ways to get your child to want to get help.

Remember, conflict between parents and children can make it even worse for a young child who feels alone, misunderstood, or unappreciated, and may even have suicidal thoughts. Get help for family problems and work through them in a healthy way. If anyone in your family has a history of depression, substance abuse, or domestic violence, tell your mental health professional. Also talk about other stressful situations at home (e.g., a constantly critical environment).

If a child dies by suicide...

For parents, the death of a child is an unimaginable pain. For parents who have lost a child to suicide, the pain and grief can be even more intense. These feelings may never completely go away. However, those who have faced such an experience can take these steps to begin the journey of healing:

• Stay connected with others. After a suicide, family members can feel alone, unsure of what to say to friends or how to help. You can talk about your child, your feelings, and find people who will support you. If the people around you seem reluctant to talk to you, start the conversation yourself and ask them for help.
• Remember that other family members are grieving and that everyone grieves differently. Your other children, especially, may try to cope with their grief alone, hoping not to be a burden on you. Support each other through the tears, the anger, and the silence. If necessary, get help and support together.
• Expect anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays to be difficult. Important days and holidays can often bring back feelings of loss and anxiety. On those days, do what best suits your emotional needs - whether it's spending time with family and friends, or spending the day in quiet contemplation.
• Understand that it's normal to feel guilty and ask, "How did this happen?" But it's also important to understand that you may never get the answers you're looking for. Healing over time comes when you come to a place of forgiveness for your child and yourself.
• Counseling and support groups can be a great way to help you realize that you are not alone. Sometimes, families who have lost children in this way become part of suicide prevention networks that help parents, young people, and schools prevent such tragedies in the future.

How do you help a young child facing a friend's suicide?

What do you do if someone your child knows has attempted suicide or died by suicide? First, acknowledge your child's range of emotions. Some young children say they feel guilty—especially those who feel they should have understood their friend's actions and words better.

Others say they feel angry with the person who attempted/did suicide for doing such a selfish thing. Others say they don't feel much or don't know how to express what they're feeling. Reassure your child that there are no right or wrong feelings, and that it's okay to talk about them when they're ready.

When someone tries to commit suicide and survives, people can be afraid and uncomfortable to talk about it. Tell your child not to be distant at a time like this - this is when one needs to connect with others.

Many schools, after a student commits suicide, bring in special counselors to talk to students and help them cope. If your child is dealing with the suicide of a friend or classmate, use these resources, or encourage them to talk to you or another trusted adult.

Finally, the most important thing to remember...

Suicide is a complex issue, but it is often preventable. It is so important to talk openly with our young people, to give them love and support, and to listen to what they have to say.

If you feel your child has a problem, never hesitate to seek professional help. It's not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. You're not alone in this journey. Asking for help, giving help, are all things we can do to protect our children.

` Suicide, young children, mental health, depression, risk factors, parenting support, counseling