Do you feel bad when someone rejects you? (Rejection) Let's talk about this!

The pain we feel when someone says no to us, when they reject us... Ah, that's not a bad thing, is it? At some point in our lives, everyone has to face this kind of experience. It could be from a friend, a loved one, or something related to work. So, today we are going to talk about how we deal with this thing called rejection and how to make up our minds.

What is rejection really? Why does it hurt so much?

Simply put, rejection is when someone or something doesn't accept us, says no, or abandons us. This can happen in many ways.

• Social rejection : Things like being left out of a group of friends, not being the only one invited to a party.
• Rejection in romantic relationships: When someone you love doesn't like you, or when someone you love leaves you.
• Rejection at work or professionally: Not being selected for a job interview you had high hopes for, not getting a promotion.
• Rejection within the family: Sometimes, even family members may ignore and criticize you.

Think about it, from a young age we all want to be accepted, loved, and included. It's a basic human need. So, when someone rejects us, it feels like they're hitting us on the head. Some studies suggest that this emotional pain is processed in our brain in the same way that it is processed when we feel physical pain! In other words, the pain you feel when someone hits you is just as painful as the pain you feel when you're rejected. That's why it feels so bad.

"Remember, rejection doesn't mean you're not worthy. It just means you weren't compatible with someone at some point."

How does rejection affect our mind and body?

When someone says no to us, we start to feel different things. These are very normal things, so don't be afraid of them.

• Sadness: Feeling really sad is the first thing that happens. You might even cry. There's nothing wrong with that.
• Anger: You may feel angry, wondering, "Why did you do this to me?" That's normal.
• Shame and guilt : You may think, "It must be because of something I'm doing wrong." You may feel ashamed and guilty about yourself.
• Loneliness : You may feel lonely, like "I have no one now."
• Underestimating oneself:Self-esteem can be low by thinking, "I'm useless."
• Anxiety : You may feel fear and unease, wondering, "Will this happen again in the future?"

Along with these emotions, sometimes our bodies can also be affected. Things like sleeplessness, loss of appetite, stomach problems, headaches, and fatigue can all be caused by stress .

What mistakes do we unknowingly make when we are rejected?

Sometimes when we face a situation like this, the things we do to try to calm ourselves down end up causing more problems. We call this unhealthy coping mechanisms .

• Suppressing emotions: Holding emotions like sadness and anger inside without expressing them. This only increases mental stress .
• Rumination: Thinking the same thing over and over again, "Why did that happen?", "What did I do wrong?" This doesn't solve the problem, and it only makes it worse.
• Self-blame: Thinking, "This is all my fault."
• Blaming others or seeking revenge: Holding anger and hatred towards the person who rejected you.
• Isolation : Trying to solve your problems on your own, away from friends and family.
• Turning to alcohol , cigarettes, or drugs: Becoming addicted to these things in the hope of reducing pain.
• Rebound: The act of quickly finding someone else to fill the void, especially after the end of a romantic relationship.

Although these things may temporarily provide relief, in the long run they are detrimental to our mental health.

So, how do you deal with this rejection properly and make up your mind?

Okay, now let's see how we can keep our minds strong at times like this, learn from this experience, and move forward. This is called Healthy Coping Mechanisms .

1. Accept your feelings and let them go.

It's normal to feel sad, angry, and frustrated. Don't think, "I shouldn't be feeling this sad." Let yourself feel what you're feeling. If you feel like crying, cry. It can be a great relief. Don't suppress your feelings.

2. Be kind to yourself (Self-compassion)

At times like this, we tend to blame ourselves. We think things like, "I could have been better," "It was my fault." But be kind to yourself. If a good friend of yours was in this situation, talk to them the same way you would talk to them.Think , "This can happen to anyone, I'll get through this."

3. Talk to someone you trust.

Talk about your feelings, your sadness, your anger, everything with someone you trust. It could be a friend, a family member, a teacher, or a counselor . When you express what's on your mind, you feel free.

4. Reframe your thoughts

Rejection isn't always something you're doing wrong. It could be a problem with the person in question, or it could be a situational mismatch. For example, if you didn't get a job, it's not because you're not good enough, it's because you didn't meet the qualifications of the person hiring. If you can think, "This could be good for me," that's great.

5. Learn a lesson from this experience.

There is something to be learned from every experience. Ask yourself, "What can I learn from this?" "Is there anything I can do to improve?" This will give you the strength to face similar situations in the future. But, don't go to the point of blaming yourself.

6. Focus on the things you can control.

We can't control how other people think or what they do. But we can control our reactions, our actions, and our attitudes. So stop worrying about the things you can't change and start focusing on the things you can control.

7. Engage in things you enjoy and that bring you joy.

Things like exercising, watching a movie, listening to a song, reading a book, going out with friends, and engaging in your hobbies can help reduce stress. These can help improve your mood.

8. Take care of your physical health too.

Get enough sleep, eat nutritious foods, drink water, and exercise. When you keep your body healthy, it's easier to keep your mind healthy.

What are the times when you feel like you need help?

Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, it can be difficult to overcome the pain of rejection. If you are feeling any of these things, it is best to seek professional help :

• If you are feeling extremely sad and frustrated for days or weeks.
• If you are so depressed that you cannot properly perform your daily tasks (work, studies, family chores).
• If you constantly have thoughts of harming yourself.
• If a situation such as drug addiction has arisen.
• If you are showing symptoms of a condition such as anxiety or depression .

Talking to a psychiatrist, counselor, or psychologist can help you get the support and guidance you need to overcome this situation. It's nothing to be ashamed of, and it's important to take care of your mental health.

The most important thing we need to remember (Take-Home Message)

So, I hope you learned something from what we talked about today. Remember, rejection is a part of life. It can happen to anyone, at any time.

The most important thing is, rejection doesn't define your worth. You are a valuable, strong person. Experiences like this make you stronger.

• Let your feelings be.
• Be kind to yourself.
• Don't be afraid to ask for help.
• Learn a lesson from this, smile, and start living again.

I wish you the strength to go on this journey!

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Rejection, Mental Health, Stress, Emotion Management, Self-Compassion, Counseling, Sri Lanka