How do we understand others? (Emotional Intelligence) Let's talk about it.

We all want to be good and friendly with other people. But sometimes we wonder, "Why did he do that?" or "What did he think?" It's sometimes difficult to understand exactly what other people are thinking and feeling. But this ability is something we can develop. Shall we talk about it today?

Can you guess what others are feeling?

Imagine this. Your friend asks you out to a party. You later find out that he has talked to every other girl in your group, but not just his friend Pawani. Now imagine how Pawani would feel if she found out? A. Anger B. Sadness C. Hurt D. Feeling left out E. Confusion F. Uneasiness G. Embarrassment H. Nothing. You might have found the answer to this by putting yourself in Pawani's shoes and asking yourself, "How would she feel if this happened to me?" In most cases, anyone in a situation like this will experience one or more of the emotions listed in A through D: anger, sadness, hurt, and feeling left out . When someone has been left out like that, it is unlikely that they will feel confused, upset, or embarrassed, or that they will just ignore it. This ability to anticipate how others might feel is part of Emotional Intelligence or EQ . Simply put, EQ is the ability to understand our own emotions and the emotions of others and respond appropriately to them. It is something we can develop through practice. When we understand what others might be feeling, it affects the way we interact with them. Let’s take the same example from the party mentioned above. Imagine that someone asks you, “Are you going to Rihanna’s party?” Since you know you haven’t spoken to her, your answer might be different, right? You might say (or not say!) something like: A. “Yes, I’m going – are you going?” B. “Yes, I’m going. How do you feel about saying this? Is it true that Rihanna hasn’t spoken to you?” C. “Yes, everyone is going!” D. “I’m definitely going! It’s going to be the best party of the year!” E. "Yes. I'm sorry I didn't call you. I don't think Rehana did it to hurt your feelings, I heard her parents told her to only talk to a few people." If you didn't know that you hadn't called Pawani, you could have said A, C, or D. But since you know the whole story, you're more likely to think about Pawani's feelings and choose B or E. You only answer C and D if you know that the other person has definitely been invited. Got it?

Let's understand body language.

Sometimes, from the things someone says without saying itWe can get a lot of information. Understanding the signals that other people send us and thinking about them is part of `(Emotional Intelligence)` itself. Imagine that Pawani comes to you, her face is not very good, she seems sad. She asks: "Are you going to Rehana's party on Saturday?" You can understand from her emotional signals (i.e. her body language, facial expression ) that she knows that she has not been spoken to. In such a situation, even if you probably answered A, you are more likely to choose B or E. But imagine that Pawani comes to you very happy, smiling. "Oh, I heard that Rehana is having a party this weekend. Are you going?" From her body language, you can think, "Oh, she doesn't know, she must be expecting an invitation." If you have good EQ, you know that Pawani is the only one who wasn't invited to the party. If you have that, you won't feel like telling her, "I'm going to the party." Even though Pawani wants to control her emotions, you feel sorry for her. You choose your words carefully because you know that your answer could either make her feel better or hurt her even more.

How do you understand how others react?

This ability to understand other people not only helps us predict how people will feel at a given moment, but also helps us understand how people will react . For example: At 8 a.m., your friend is smiling, very friendly, and energetic in class. But later in the afternoon, he is frowning, looking like he's about to cry. What do you think might have happened between these two times? A. He had a fight with his girlfriend during the afternoon, and now they're not talking. B. He passed his math paper from fourth period. C. He just found out that he didn't make the final selection for the school basketball team. D. The chemistry teacher gave him too much homework. E. He might have just had a bad day. If you answered B, you should definitely eliminate it: Your ``Emotional Intelligence'' probably tells you that your friend's reaction is not like passing a paper, but rather like failing. If your friend has had a bad day, or has a lot of homework (answers D or E), they may feel tired and stressed – but they are less likely to be sad enough to cry. Once you eliminate that answer, you can easily figure out that your friend is most likely to be hurt because of an answer of A or C.

People who are good at understanding others think about the other person's feelings ("If I tell him this, he'll feel really bad"). They can also understand how the other person might react to something ("Oh, no wonder he got angry at that moment! That's what happened!"). Understanding how others feel, how they behave, and how they react helps us build better relationships .

How can this ability be developed?

It's not always easy to accurately guess and understand what another person is feeling. Some people are better at this than others, but everyone can improve this ability with practice . Understanding others is about observing and listening carefully.

Let's start with observation.

If you see someone stumble and fall, don't you just think, "Oh my!", as if it happened to you? We have a natural tendency to feel what others are feeling just by watching them. Scientists think there's a biological reason for this. They believe that a type of brain cell called "mirror neurons" works the same way when we do something and when we watch someone else do it. Try these techniques to improve your observation skills:

• Pay attention to people’s facial expressions and body language. The next time you’re in a shopping mall, a coffee shop, or on a bus or train, try this: Look around and think about how people are feeling based on their body language, facial expressions, and the things they’re doing. The girl with the books on her lap probably has an exam coming up. Is she confident – ​​or stressed? What do you think of the person with her eyes closed? Does she seem peaceful? Tired? Sad?
• Read books and watch movies that realistically portray people's emotions. Pay attention to the emotions that different characters feel and the way they behave. Try to understand why those characters feel the way they do. Based on those emotions, predict what a character will do next. Or, see if you can explain why a character did something.

Let's improve by listening.

People who understand others well are usually good listeners . Research has shown that the better a person listens, the more connected they feel to the person speaking. This creates a sense of connection and intimacy. Many of us think we are good listeners – because listening seems so simple and basic. But most of the time, we are so focused on what we want to say that we don’t listen as well as we think we do. Here are some ways to develop good listening skills:

• Practice listening well in everyday conversations. Really pay attention to what the other person is saying. Train yourself to listen more than to talk.
• Listen to the story as well as the feelings.When a friend tells you something, try to imagine how they might be feeling at the time. Say something like, “Oh, that must have been amazing!” or, “That must have been very upsetting for you.” You’ll find that you’ve become closer to the other person, and that you’re in sync. You might even be able to predict what your friend might say next.
• Take the time to listen deeply to what someone is saying. Ask a friend or family member about a special moment in their life. For example, ask your parents about their wedding day, or ask your grandparents about how they felt when they had their first child. Try to imagine how that experience must have felt to them. Ask for more details about how they felt and why they felt that way.

How to move from understanding to compassion

Once you have developed the ability to understand others, how do you use that knowledge? Like many people, you probably use it to help and support the people you love and care about. This is called compassion . Kindness helps us build better relationships. Try these three ways to become more compassionate:

• Ask others what they need. If a friend is going through a difficult time, ask them what you can do to help. If your friend says, "I don't understand," think about what you would want if you were in the same situation, and offer to do something similar.
• Show genuine interest in others. Be curious about the people you know – but not in a gossipy or fake way. In a way that shows you want to understand them a little better. For example, ask them what they like, what their feelings, thoughts, and opinions are.
• Act with kindness. When you hear gossip, ridicule, or mean jokes, your first reaction should be to think, "How would I feel if I were on the other side?" This will help you understand other people's feelings and help you avoid becoming involved in such things.

Even small acts of kindness can help build positive social connections (for example, say "hi" to someone who's alone at lunch and see how that makes you feel). Scientists now know that strong social connections affect our health, happiness, and even how long we live .

Finally, remember this.

So, simply put, understanding other people, which is called ``Emotional Intelligence'', is very important in our lives. This means:

• We get help to understand the feelings of others .
• We can understand how others react .
• This allows us to build better, stronger human relationships .
• It encourages us to show kindness and compassion to others.

This is not something that can be done overnight. But little by little, through careful observation and careful listening, you too can develop this ability. If you do, life will become more beautiful for you and those around you.

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Emotional intelligence, understanding emotions, communication, interpersonal relationships, EQ, kindness, listening