Do you sometimes feel like your mind is not in one place, everything is a mess, you can't finish a single task properly, and there is always something restless in your mind? Maybe you think, "There is something seriously wrong with me, I don't know if I am going crazy." If you have lived with these feelings for years and one day a doctor tells you that you have ADHD ( Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder ), how would you feel? That is what we are talking about today.
The storm of emotions that comes with a diagnosis
As an adult, when you find out you have ADHD, there are a lot of emotions that can come to mind. It's like going on a roller coaster of emotions. Some people just can't accept this. They think, "No, no... people with ADHD are mean, they fight, they get in trouble with the law. I'm not like that." This is a misconception in society.
Imagine a woman in her 30s who is at the top of her career, talented, and gets along well with everyone. But she has a big battle inside. She can't focus on work, she feels anxious when she can't finish work on time, and she forgets things. After suffering like this for years, she goes to see a doctor and finds out that she has ADHD.
The first feeling that comes to mind is denial. The thought, "This can't be happening." Along with that comes the fear that if you talk about a mental illness, you'll be ostracized by society and that people will think the wrong way. The fear of hearing stories like, "People with ADHD don't do their jobs well, they can't be trusted" is a tormenting thought.
But the truth is much different. The brain of someone with ADHD processes emotions a little differently than the brain of others. Simply put, every emotion they feel feels a little "big".
- If you are sad: It can feel like an overwhelming sadness.
- If happiness comes: It can feel like an overwhelming sense of joy and excitement.
- If you feel relieved: That too can feel like an unimaginable freedom.
So, it's normal to have a lot of conflicting emotions at once when you find out you have ADHD.
Oscillating between relief and grief
This diagnosis is like a sword. It hurts on one side, but it also brings great relief on the other. Many people experience this feeling of being torn between the two.
| The feeling you feel | You might think... |
|---|---|
| Grief | "Oh, if only I had known this years ago... How different my school days, my relationships would have been?" "How many opportunities I would have missed because of this?" "Have I missed out on the beautiful life I imagined?" The feeling of sadness. |
| Relief | "Huh... then this is the reason for the problem I've had for so long. It's not my fault." "Now there's a name for the reason I can't get things done on time, forget things, and can't keep my mind in one place." The freedom to say, "Now there's a treatment for this, I can turn my life around for the better." |
| Anger | "Why didn't my parents, teachers, or friends see this?" "Why didn't anyone help me?" "Have I suffered for so long for nothing?" Feeling angry at myself and others. |
The comfort of knowing the truth
For some, this diagnosis is like a torch being found in the dark. For someone who has struggled for years with not being able to complete tasks, maintain relationships, or advance in their education, learning that ADHD is the cause can be a great relief and peace.
"Even though things are in order in my head, when I put them into words and tell them to someone else, they get confused. It's really hard for me to stay focused and finish a task." You may have experienced something like this. Once you understand the reason for all this, you can start to accept it and think, "Okay, I have this condition. Now how do I manage it?"
The most important thing is to understand that this is not a weakness in your personality, but a change in brain function.
How do you live with these big feelings?
Okay, so now you know you have this condition. You're struggling with the emotions that come with it. What do you do now? The good news is that there are many ways to help you manage this condition and live a successful life.
1. Medical treatment: Talk to your doctor to determine what treatment is right for you. Some people find great relief from stimulant medication. These can help with concentration and control restlessness.
2. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): This is like training the mind. This therapy helps you identify and change negative thought patterns that are caused by ADHD, and help you manage them in a practical way.
3. Improving Executive Functions: This may sound like a technical term, but in simple terms, it refers to the ability of our brain to plan, organize, maintain attention, remember, and control emotions. These abilities are somewhat impaired in people with ADHD. There are special brain training exercises (`cognitive training` or `brain training`) to improve these.
4. Support Groups : Meeting other people with ADHD can be a great source of strength. It's a great relief to know that I'm not the only one struggling with this. This is a great place to share your experiences and learn from others.
5. Practical tips:
- Make to-do lists . Set reminders on your phone.
- Choose a quiet, focused place to work. If necessary, discuss this with your boss.
- Tell your family and close friends about this. When they understand the reason behind your behavior, you will receive more support and understanding from them.
ADHD is not the end of life. It is the beginning of a better understanding of yourself. Instead of dwelling on the things you've missed out on in your life, use it as an opportunity to reflect on how you can build a better, more successful life in the future.
Take-Home Message
- As an adult, it's completely normal to experience conflicting, strong emotions like sadness, anger, and relief when you learn that you have ADHD.
- This diagnosis is not a flaw in you. It is a tool that explains the reasons for the challenges you have faced for so long and strengthens you.
- Things like medication and behavioral therapy can be a great help in taking control of your life and emotions.
- The best person to talk to about this is your doctor . Talk to him or her and come up with a treatment plan that works best for you.
- The support you get from family, friends, and support groups of people with ADHD like you is invaluable. Remember that you are not alone.
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