Do you remember the day the doctor told you that your child had autism? You probably felt like the whole world had come crashing down on you. Suddenly, your life, your dreams, your plans, everything changed. This is a common feeling not only for you, but for every mother and father who has faced this experience. But this is not the end of a journey, but the beginning of a new, unique journey. Today, let's talk about how to maintain loving, strong family relationships as you go through this new journey.
Autism is something that affects the whole family.
Doctors say that autism affects not only the child, but the entire family . Just as a stone in a pond ripples, the addition of an autistic child to the family can have a ripple effect on the mother, father, siblings, grandparents, and other relatives. While every family is different, there are some common challenges that everyone faces. The extent of these challenges may vary depending on the severity of the child’s autism. But the issues we face are largely the same.
The first challenge: Changing parental expectations
How many dreams do we have for our child? They will go to school and study well, go to campus, get a good job, get married and live happily... We have a thousand dreams like this in our minds. But when we find out that our child has autism, these hopes change a lot. It's like planning a beautiful trip to Italy and getting off the flight and hearing "Welcome to Holland."
You can suddenly get angry, you can feel sad . You can think, "I wanted to go to Italy! Why did you bring me here?" But if you are sad about Italy, you will never be able to experience the beauty of Holland, the tulips, the windmills.
And so is this journey. It may not be the life you imagined. But this life is different, unique, and beautiful . To see that beauty, we need to make up our minds.
Challenge Two: Fear of Siblings
If there are other children in addition to the autistic child, one of the biggest fears parents have is, "Will the other child be left behind? Will he or she lose my attention?" It's normal to feel like you don't have time to look after your other children, with things like therapy and doctor visits, when you're running around for your autistic child.
But surprisingly, research has found that siblings of autistic children often adjust better mentally and emotionally . They learn to take responsibility and show empathy more quickly than others.
But that doesn't mean we should forget about them. It's very important to give them the opportunity to spend time alone with us.
| Problems that siblings may face | What we can do as parents |
|---|---|
| Thinking that they lack parental attention. | Spend one day a week alone with that child (e.g., mom spends time with the autistic child while dad plays with the other child). |
| Feeling embarrassed or afraid about your sibling's behavior when friends come home or at school. | Allow your child to talk openly about their feelings. Make them understand that it's normal for you to feel that way. |
| Getting angry that they can't do the things they want because of their autistic sibling. | Respect your child's feelings. Explain, "You're not saying that because you're a bad child." Help them deal with those feelings. |
Sometimes, where an autistic child can't control themselves, their siblings can. That bond is that strong.
Third challenge: Impact on marriage
This is a very sensitive topic. When a child is diagnosed with autism , it puts a lot of pressure on any marriage. Often, mothers and fathers deal with this situation differently.
Usually, even though mothers feel unbearable grief, they quickly take action . They start looking for what therapies to do for the child, who the doctors to find, and everything they can do for the child. But many fathers focus on their own work . Some do not want to accept this situation, or they try to run away from it.
When these two think in different ways, the first cracks in the marriage start to appear. The mother loses someone to share her sorrows with. The best solution to this is to find time for both of you , no matter how busy you are. It could be talking for 15 minutes after the children are asleep, or sitting together and having a cup of tea. It is also essential to find time for yourself alone.
"Even if you have 15 minutes to take a shower alone, it's worth it. Find the right time to do something small, like something you used to enjoy, like reading a book, listening to a song."
Challenges Four and Five: Family Happiness and Social Life
Are things we used to do casually, like going on a vacation, attending a family event, or attending a friend's party, now a big challenge? Autistic children generally don't like changes to their daily routines . So these things can be very difficult for them.
But the solution to this is not to stop those things, but to change them to suit our child .
- Going on a trip? Go to a familiar place that you go to every day. That way, your child will get used to it. If you're going somewhere new, show your child pictures of the place beforehand and explain what's going on there.
- Going to a party? Leave a little early before everyone else arrives. That way, your child can get used to the surroundings before the crowds arrive. Go in two vehicles. If your child has trouble staying there, one of them can take him home.
- Going out to eat? When you call a restaurant and make a reservation, ask for a table in a corner where you won't disturb others.
When your child acts differently in front of other people, they look at you and your child strangely. It's hard to bear. But over time, you'll learn to ignore it. "Over time, you'll feel like you're growing a new skin under your skin." If someone looks at you strangely, you'll have the strength to smile and say, "There's nothing to worry about, everything is under control ."
Our family doesn't have to be like the "perfect family" in the newspaper. Our family can be as unique as we want it to be. With these children, we can find joy in the strangest places in life.
Take-Home Message
- Autism is not a problem you face alone, it affects the whole family, a journey everyone goes through together.
- It's normal to feel sad about the future you imagined. But when that sadness fades, try to see the beauty in this new, unique journey.
- Pay special attention to your other children. Let them talk. They are stronger than you think.
- Protect your marriage. Listen to each other, understand each other, and make time for each other.
- Don't give up on happy family moments. Change them to suit your family.
- Don't worry about what others think. There's nothing wrong with your family being happy in a "different" way.
- If you feel like all of this is too much to bear, please talk to your doctor or a counselor . Asking for help is a sign of strength.
💬 අදහස් (0)
තවමත් කිසිදු අදහසක් පළ කර නොමැත. ඔබේ අදහස පළමු වරට මෙහි එක් කරන්න.
ඔබේ අදහස එක් කරන්න