Do you feel the pain and sorrow of your best friend when he or she is going through something? Or do you suddenly think, "Oh, how would I feel if I were there?" when someone tells you their story? That's how we simply call the ability to put ourselves in someone else's shoes and understand what they're feeling. This is a very valuable ability that strengthens our human relationships and builds a kinder society.
What exactly is 'Empathy'?
Simply put, empathy is the ability to experience another person's experience, to think from their perspective, and to understand their feelings. This helps us understand the needs, feelings, and experiences of others in everything from our friendships to family relationships to work relationships.
But many people confuse this with 'sympathy.' There is a small but important difference between the two.
Sympathy is just feeling sorry for someone when they are sad. That means we stand outside and think, "Oh my god." But Empathy is going a step further, putting our feet in that person's shoes and trying to understand the experience by going deep inside.
There are two main types of empathy. Let's take a look at what they are.
| Empathy type | Simply put... |
|---|---|
| Emotional Empathy | This is when we feel the same way as the other person feels. Imagine that your friend has failed an exam and is sad. If at that time you also feel really sad and hurt, that is Emotional Empathy. It means that their feelings are contagious to you. |
| Cognitive Empathy | This is different. What happens here is that you understand on an intellectual level what the other person is feeling, why they are feeling that way. You may not feel the same way, but you understand very well what they are feeling. This is a skill that can be developed with practice. |
How does our brain create this feeling?
This is a very strange thing. Even scientists are not 100% sure about this yet. But there are a few main theories.
- Simulation Theory: Some neuroscientists say that when we see someone else's emotion, our brains " simulate " that same emotion. That is, it's like we're acting out that emotion inside our brains.
- Mirror Neurons: Another theory is that this is caused by a special group of cells in our brains called "mirror neurons." When we see someone smiling or sad, these neurons fire and help us understand that emotion. It's like looking in a mirror.
- An intellectual process: Others say that this is something entirely intellectual. That is, we learn from a young age how to behave and feel in a given situation.
It is probably true that a combination of all of these factors affects our ability to empathize .
How to practice empathy in everyday life?
Empathy is something we are born with, but sometimes it can become less and less as we experience life. The good news is that it is something we can develop with practice. Here are some simple things you can try.
1. Be curious about strangers.
People with high empathy are very curious about other people. They don't just look at people and then look away. Imagine, you are always on the bus, with the shop assistant, with the new person in the office, just having a word or two. Instead of asking, "How is work?", find out a little about their life, their ideas. Reawaken that innate curiosity that we had when we were children. Then we can understand the different lifestyles of different people.
2. Try to see similarities rather than differences.
We all have different biases unconsciously in our minds. We tend to categorize people based on their race, religion, region (like 'village'/'Colombo'), and job. But instead of doing that, try to see the similarities behind all those differences. We all want love, we care about the safety of our families, and we want to be happy . When we understand that these basic human feelings are common to all, it becomes much easier to understand the other person.
3. Try putting your feet in the other person's shoes.
This is a very powerful method. Imagine that someone in your office is always late. Before you criticize them, think, "If I were them, why would I be late?" Maybe they have a sick person at home? Is the bus they use to get to work always late? Does they have a problem that we don't know about? Before you criticize the other person's actions, try to understand the reason behind that action.
4. Listen carefully, and share yours too.
Empathy is not a one-way street. It's a two-way street. It's important to listen carefully to what the other person is saying, and to share your feelings and thoughts honestly. When you trust someone and tell them what's on your mind, that person feels empowered to open up to you. This is how strong, trusting relationships are built.
5. Get involved in social service work
Empathy is not limited to an individual. It can be spread to the entire society, the entire community. Join a 'shramadan' at your village temple, work at a community center, or participate in a program that helps those affected by a disaster. Through things like this, we get to experience the lives of people at different levels.
A lack of empathy can be associated with certain mental health conditions. For example, people with antisocial personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder have very low levels of empathy. But remember, not everyone has the same level of empathy. It doesn't mean you have a mental health condition. However, if you feel that your lack of empathy is having a significant impact on your relationships and daily life, it's worth talking to a mental health professional or counselor.
Take-Home Message
- Empathy means trying to understand the feelings of others from their perspective, rather than thinking "Oh my god!" when faced with their suffering.
- This is a valuable skill that we can develop with practice. While it may not happen overnight, it can be learned over time.
- Listen carefully to what others have to say, be curious about their lives, and try to see similarities rather than differences.
- Empathy is essential for building strong, happy human relationships.
- If you have a problem with this, you can get guidance by discussing it with a doctor.
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