We have all experienced the sadness and pain that comes with losing someone or something that is very dear to us. It is like a huge void inside. Sometimes it is accompanied by a lot of emotions like anger and loneliness. This is what we simply call 'Grief'. It is very natural. But knowing how to deal with these feelings, how to take care of yourself, and how to ask for help if needed, will give you great strength to get through this difficult time.
What exactly is grief?
Simply put, grief is a natural response to the loss of something precious to us. This loss can take many forms.
- The death of someone very dear to you.
- A breakup of a love affair or marriage.
- Losing a job .
- A health problem, such as developing a chronic illness.
- Having to move from the house or village where you live to another place.
Grief can come with any major life change like this. The important thing is that everyone experiences grief differently. Someone else may not feel the same way you do. There's nothing wrong with that.
Are there different types of grief?
Yes, grief can be divided into several types depending on how we experience it. Knowing these will help you understand your feelings.
| Type of grief | A simple explanation |
|---|---|
| Uncomplicated Grief | This is the most common type. The grief and pain are felt most intensely for the first 6 months after the loss. But over time, those feelings gradually diminish. |
| Anticipatory Grief | Grief is the feeling of sadness before a loss occurs. For example, when a family member is diagnosed with a terminal illness, the sadness that comes with the feeling that they will be gone. |
| Inhibited Grief | Holding onto sadness and trying not to think about it can lead to physical symptoms like chest tightness, insomnia, and difficulty breathing. |
| Delayed Grief | The feeling of grief can begin weeks, months, or even years after the loss, without much awareness of it at the time. This grief can emerge after a death, when you are busy with the activities, and then when you are free. |
| Traumatic Grief | The grief that accompanies loss can be so severe that it is impossible to carry out daily activities. The pain is so intense that no good memories of the person you lost come to mind. |
| Collective Grief | Grief caused by an event that affects a large group of people at once. For example, the grief experienced by an entire society due to something like a tsunami, the Easter attacks, or a pandemic. |
| Complicated or Prolonged Grief Disorder | If the grief increases instead of decreasing over time, and if the loss is completely unacceptable, this may be the case. If you have these symptoms, you should definitely see a doctor. |
If you think you have complicated grief, don't delay in seeking help. It's very important for your mental health.
The Five Stages of Grief
In the 1960s, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross identified five main stages in which people deal with grief. But remember, these stages don't come in the same order for everyone. Some people may experience them in turn. Some stages may even be skipped. Knowing these can help you understand that what you're feeling is normal.
1. Denial: The first feeling that comes to mind upon learning of a loss is, "No, this can't be happening." The mind becomes numb, unable to feel anything. This is a defense mechanism used to temporarily escape the unbearable pain.
2. Anger: As you slowly begin to understand the truth of the situation, anger begins to come along with the pain. You wonder, "Why on earth did this happen to me?" This anger can be directed not only at others, at doctors, at God, but also at the loved one who left you. It is very normal.
3. Bargaining: At this stage, thoughts like "If only I had done that, this wouldn't have happened" come to mind. "If only..." thoughts fill the mind. Some even try to bargain with God, like "If only I could save him, I would do this."
4. Depression: When you truly understand the loss and its impact on your life, you start to feel a lot of sadness and grief. Things like excessive crying, sleep problems, and loss of appetite occur during this time. It is also common to feel lonely and helpless.
5. Acceptance: This is the final stage of grief. Here, you accept that what happened is a reality. You realize that you can't change it. Although the grief doesn't go away completely, you begin to make up your mind to move on with your life.
How does grief affect your body and mind?
Grief is not only a mental experience, but it also affects the body. The intense stress it causes can lead to a variety of physical and emotional symptoms.
| Characteristic type | Things that can be felt |
|---|---|
| Physical Symptoms | |
| Common features |
|
| Emotional Symptoms | |
| Feelings |
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What are Grief Triggers?
These are things that suddenly remind you of the person or thing you lost. A song you hear while walking, a particular smell, seeing a certain place, or a special day like a birthday or anniversary can suddenly increase your sadness. These are called `Grief Triggers`. It is normal for these to occur frequently in the early stages.
How can you live successfully with this sadness?
Grief is not an illness that needs to be cured, it is a process that needs to be managed. There are several things that can help with this.
- Give yourself time: This is a process. You can't heal overnight. Accept your feelings. If you need to cry, cry. There's nothing wrong with that.
- Talk to others: Don't isolate yourself. Talking to a trusted friend or family member about your feelings can be a great relief.
- Take care of yourself: Exercise as much as you can, eat nutritious foods, and get enough sleep. These things will strengthen your body as well as your mind.
- Stay away from alcohol and drugs: Don't resort to these things to forget your sorrows. While they may provide temporary relief, they will only make your problems worse.
- Get back into hobbies: Gradually start doing the things you used to enjoy again.
- Get Grief Counseling: Sometimes it's hard to cope with this grief alone. At such times, it's very valuable to seek help from a mental health counselor. They will teach you how to deal with these feelings.
Most importantly: If your grief is affecting your daily life to the point where you can't function, and it hasn't improved after about 6 months, please see your doctor. He or she can give you the guidance you need.
How can we help someone who is grieving?
If a friend or relative of yours is going through this kind of grief, you can help them too.
- Be with them: Ask, "What do you want me to do for you?" See if they want to talk, or just want to be with you.
- Help with chores: Even small help, like going to the store and bringing something for someone or preparing a meal, can make a big difference at the time.
- Be a good listener: Rather than giving advice, listen to what they have to say.
- Don't say things like, "What's that, worse things happen to people," or "Forget about it now." That belittles their suffering.
- Avoid saying things like, "It was a good thing that happened," or "He's in a better place now." This will prevent them from expressing their true feelings.
Take-Home Message
- Grief is a very natural response to loss. It is not an illness.
- Everyone experiences grief differently. There is no right or wrong way to do it.
- Grief can cause both physical and mental symptoms.
- Asking for help to get through this difficult time is not a weakness, it is a strength.
- If your sadness doesn't subside over time and is affecting your daily life, don't hesitate to see a doctor or mental health counselor .
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