Being a parent is one of the biggest responsibilities and challenges in the world. It's something that everyone has. But if you have ADHD ( attention deficit hyperactivity disorder), the challenge can be a little more complicated. ADHD symptoms like difficulty paying attention, impulsivity, and difficulty organizing can make it even harder to take care of your children. Also, ADHD can be hereditary. That's why about half of children with ADHD have a mother or father who also has the condition. So, let's see how to successfully face this challenge.
First, get your ADHD under control.
This is the most important thing. If you are taking the right treatment for your ADHD, whether it's medication or behavioral therapy, it will greatly empower you as a parent. It will also reduce the stress on everyone in the family.
Imagine how much easier it will be for you to get your child ready for school, do their homework, and get the little things done before bed at night. A consistent routine like this is a lot easier for both you and your child.
Parents with ADHD sometimes have a hard time controlling their emotions when their child makes a mistake. They may also forget to appreciate the good things their child does. Proper treatment can help them control these emotions.
If your child also has ADHD, it's important for you to help him get treatment. Once your symptoms are under control, it will be easier for you to give your child his medication on time and remember his appointments.
Remember, you can only take good care of your child if you are well. Just like in an emergency on an airplane, you need to put on your oxygen mask before helping others.
Set aside time to spend with your children.
ADHD can cause your attention to be constantly diverted to other things, which can lead to you unknowingly missing out on the one-on-one attention your child needs.
The best solution is to set aside a small amount of time each day as "baby time." Even if it's just 15 minutes, it doesn't matter. Set a reminder in your diary or on your phone to make sure you set aside this time for your child. During that time, the two of you can play together, draw a picture, or just talk.
Use a timer to stay focused.
When you're taking care of children, it can be hard to keep your mind focused. When your mind is elsewhere, a child is more likely to be in danger. This risk is especially high if the child also has ADHD.
Willpower alone is not enough for this. The best thing to do is to use a timer . Depending on the age of the child, set the timer for 15 to 30 minutes, and every time you hear the sound, look at the child and check if he is okay and safe. This will help bring your attention back to the child.
Always be consistent.
People with ADHD tend to talk and act without thinking. This is why you can react differently to the same mistake a child makes every day. For example, when a child throws a toy on the floor, one day you laugh at it and the next day you scold him very harshly. This is very confusing for the child. This method of controlling the child's behavior is not effective at all.
As a solution to this, establish some common rules for the house. Work with your partner to create these rules. Decide in advance what the punishment or response will be for breaking these rules. Write these rules down and post them somewhere everyone can see them. When you are angry with a child, refer to this list before you react in an unreasonable way.
Take a 'Time-Out' for yourself too.
If you're feeling overwhelmed and stressed out by the kids' chores, find a way to take a break. In fact, you should schedule some time for yourself to relax and unwind at least once a week. Do you have a hobby? A favorite activity? Set aside time to do those things.
Every parent needs some time away from their children. But for parents with ADHD, who have difficulty controlling their emotions, this is especially important . If you feel like you're getting too angry and your child is about to snap, go to a quiet room and take a 'time-out' yourself. Take a few minutes to breathe and calm down.
It's wise to share household chores.
As a parent with ADHD, you need to identify your strengths and weaknesses. Talk openly about this with your partner. If you have a family member or friend who can help, involve them in this too. Share household chores together.
| Tasks You Might Find Difficult | Tasks You Can Do Easily |
|---|---|
| Things that need to be done on time. For example, making an appointment to see the doctor, or reminding yourself to hand in a school project on time. | Tasks that don't need to be done on time. For example, laundry, cleaning the garden, or minor repairs at home. |
| Teaching your child homework (especially if your ADHD is not being treated, it can be difficult to stay focused and teach from one place). | Things like bringing home the necessary items and cleaning the house. |
| Staying focused while driving a vehicle. If that's difficult, it's best to leave things like taking the kids to school to your partner. | Things you are good at, things you like. Maybe you are good at cooking, or creative work. Take on more of those kinds of tasks. |
By sharing the work in this way, you can reduce the risk of neglecting family matters due to your weaknesses.
Talk to your doctor about this.
ADHD symptoms vary from person to person. Some people may have more difficulty with certain responsibilities than others. So, be sure to talk to your doctor about these things, as well as your partner.
Then, the doctor can discuss your strengths and weaknesses as a parent and tailor your treatment plan to address the areas where you need the most help. For example, if you have difficulty with something that requires sustained attention, such as toilet training your child, he or she can help you develop the skills you need to stay focused on that task.
Learn and practice again and again.
If your child or children have ADHD, there are special programs that can help you learn how to manage their behavior. This is called Behavioral Parenting Training (BPT) . These programs teach you many things, including house rules and routines, how to give clear instructions, and how to reward good behavior.
Typically, a program like this takes about 8-12 hours. However, parents with ADHD may need a little more training than that. Research has shown that parents with ADHD get better results with a BPT program that consists of about 12 sessions of 2 hours each. The reason for this is that it is important for an adult with ADHD to practice these learning skills until they become automatic, a habit . Then they don’t have to memorize everything. Therefore, it is best to choose a flexible program that allows time for one skill to be practiced well and then move on to the next.
Take-Home Message
- Being a parent with ADHD is challenging, but you can overcome it. The most important thing is to get proper treatment for your ADHD condition.
- Establish a consistent routine and clear house rules. Always be consistent when responding to your child.
- Use simple tools like timers and reminders to stay focused and organized.
- Take time for yourself to relax and clear your mind. You need a 'time-out' too.
- Don't be afraid to ask for help. Talk to your partner, family, and especially your doctor about this and find solutions that work best for you.
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