Imagine that your daughter suddenly starts wearing beautiful earrings and bracelets that you never bought her. Or your son has the latest CDs and electronic gadgets in his room that you didn't know about. Even worse, one day the police call you and say that your child was caught shoplifting. This is something no parent wants to experience. But does this mean that your child is going to become a criminal? Maybe, but probably not.
This is actually more common than you might think. Especially girls and boys who are 12, 13, 14 years old, and maybe even younger, are getting involved in these kinds of things. As a doctor, when I hear a young child being caught shoplifting, I don't immediately think, 'Oh, this is the most serious mental illness.' But, it could be.
Why are young children tempted to do things like this?
If you ask many children who are caught in this way, "Why did you do that?" their answer will be, "I don't know." But there can actually be several reasons for this. Let's look at the main reasons.
- Craving for beautiful things: The desire to acquire things that one cannot afford or cannot afford at home (for example, the latest fashion clothes , cosmetics, phone accessories).
- Peer Pressure: Doing something because friends are doing it for a "challenge". Children also do these things because of challenges from friends, such as "If you can, steal it and do it again." At this age, peer pressure is very strong.
- For fun or for thrill: There are children who do this for no reason, to see if they will get caught or not, or for the thrill it gives.
- Show off your power: As children grow older , they want to show off their own power and independence. They think they have power by doing something "wrong" or "bad."
- Underlying psychological issues: Sometimes this isn't just for fun. Children can also act out because of problems at home, stress, feelings of being ignored, being ugly, or feeling worthless . This can actually be a cry for help.
The important thing is, there's a big difference between a 12-13 year old doing this and a 15-16 year old continuing to do it. As they get older, children learn to think about the consequences of their actions.
However, if this behavior continues after the age of 15, it may be a symptom of a conduct disorder or a mental condition such as kleptomania, which is an uncontrollable desire to steal.
What should you do as a parent?
Although this is common at a young age, it is not something to be taken lightly. If you suspect or have evidence that your child is stealing, it is important to talk to them about it seriously. Here are some steps you can take.
| Action to be taken | What to do? |
|---|---|
| 1. Speak calmly. | Scolding or hitting your child will not help. First, calm down and talk to your child alone. Ask him/her lovingly, "Why did your son/daughter do that?" Listen to what he/she has to say. |
| 2. Explain the consequences | Explain the seriousness of this. "Tell him how much worse things can be than punishment at home. Explain how if he gets caught by the police, if he has to go to juvenile court, it will put a black mark on his whole future." |
| 3. Help correct the mistake | Encourage your child to return the stolen item to the store. Go with him/her. Go and apologize to the store owner. If it's the first time, they will probably forgive you without taking legal action. This will be a great lesson for the child. |
| 4. Point out the dangers of the world outside the family | Give the child this message: "You are now dealing with something outside the protective circle of the family. At a time like this, we cannot always protect you. You are putting yourself at risk." Many children feel this message strongly. |
When should you seek professional help?
Often, the fear and shame that comes with being caught once is a good lesson for the child. However, if this behavior continues , or if it shows other dangerous symptoms in addition to this, you should definitely seek professional help.
What other characteristics are there?
- If you are behaving more recklessly and violently than before.
- If schoolwork has been completely disrupted and grades have dropped.
- If there is suspicion of drug or alcohol use .
- If you are frustrated with everything and show symptoms like depression .
In such a situation, without further delay, meet with your family doctor (physician) and discuss this. He or she will be able to accurately assess the child's condition and refer you to a psychiatrist or counselor if necessary.
Remember, a child stealing does not always mean that he is a "bad kid." It can be an outward manifestation of a problem or pressure that is deep within him. Therefore, it is our responsibility as parents to understand him and guide him on the right path.
Take-Home Message
- Shoplifting is more common than you might think at a young age, but it should never be taken lightly.
- The reason for this could be something as simple as peer influence or fun, or it could be a deeper issue like stress or depression.
- Rather than punishing your child, talk to him calmly and explain the seriousness of the mistake and the consequences.
- Help your child correct the mistake (e.g., return the item). This will be a great lesson.
- If this behavior persists or shows other problematic symptoms (violence, skipping schoolwork), seek advice from your doctor or therapist without delay.
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