After having a baby, the biggest question on your mind is, 'Do I go back to work or stay home with the baby?' Isn't this the biggest and most complicated decision a new mother will face? Some mothers have been thinking about going back to work since before they had their baby. Others have already decided that they want to 'stay home'. But once the baby is in your arms, everything can be different. Today, we'll talk about this big decision, the concerns you have, and how to choose what works best for you and your family.
The hesitation of a new mother
Every new mother faces the dilemma of whether to go to work or stay at home. Sometimes things don't turn out the way we planned. Imagine, you've worked hard and studied hard, and you've had a good job. You're probably planning to go back to work in a few months after having a baby. But once you hold the baby in your arms, when you look at that little face, you might think, "Oh, how can I leave this little one and go to work?"
On the other hand, you may be thinking, "I'm not going back to work, I'll just stay home with the baby." But after a while, you may realize that staying at home is boring and lonely. You may feel lonely without your friends or colleagues, and you may feel like you're missing out on your potential.
Mental health experts say that you shouldn't make any big, permanent decisions about your life, even while you're expecting a baby or in the first year after you have one. Because no one can predict how you'll feel when you become a mother.
Some mothers think they will love looking after their baby, but after a while, the monotony can make them irritable and anxious. Others are surprised at how much they enjoy staying home. So there is no right or wrong answer to this. This decision depends entirely on your mindset, the support networks you have, and your family situation.
Things to consider when making this decision
Before you decide whether or not to go to work, there are a few things you should think about carefully. Let's see what they are.
| Considerations | How to think about it |
|---|---|
| Economic situation | Simply put, if you don't go to work, will you be able to manage household expenses? Will your husband's salary be the only source of income? If you do go to work, how much will it cost to pay for a nanny or daycare? If you sometimes spend a large portion of your salary on this, consider whether there is an economic benefit to going to work. |
| The care needed by the child | A young child needs stable, reliable care. It is best if the child receives as much care as possible from both mother and father. But if you go to work, who will take care of the baby? Is it your mother, mother-in-law? Or someone else? How much do you trust them? A good, quality day care center can also be a good option. |
| Your mental preparation | This is the most important thing. If you stay home and it makes you angry and sad, that is not good for the child. Also, if you go to work and feel a lot of guilt, if you always think, 'I should have stayed home,' that is also not good for the child. The most important thing for the child is that you are happy. |
| Breastfeeding | Breastfeeding can be a challenge if you're going to work. But it's not impossible. You need to plan ahead, such as pumping and checking if there are facilities at work. |
Fear of "Will I be a good mother?"
Many times, mothers struggle with the question, "Should I go to work? Should I stay home?" But the real reason behind it is the fear and anxiety of "Will I be a good mother ?" Especially if you didn't have a great relationship with your mother, this fear can be even greater. At that time, you express that fear through the question of whether to go to this job or not.
What will other moms say? (The "Mommy Wars")
This is also a big problem. If you decide to stay at home, working mothers will look at you strangely. "Do girls stay at home these days?" someone may ask. If you decide to go to work, stay-at-home mothers may think, "Oh my god, isn't a child more valuable than money?"
The most important thing is to understand that those who criticize like this are in a big conflict within themselves. Everyone is trying to prove that their decision is the right one. The easiest way to do that is to criticize the other person's decision. So don't take what others say personally.
You may go to work because you love it, because your career is worthwhile. Another person may go to work because of family financial problems . Everyone's circumstances are different.
How do you choose what's best for your family?
This is like a tug-of-war. It's a balancing act. If you decide to go to work, here are some things you can do:
- Make time for your child: Attend your child's schoolwork and special occasions whenever possible. When you get home from work, dedicate that time entirely to your children. Put them to sleep, and then you can do your work.
- Give the weekend to the kids: Instead of doing your chores and shopping on the weekend, set aside time to do things your children enjoy, play with them, and go for walks.
- Talk positively about work: Instead of saying in front of your children, "Oh, I'm going to this job because I need the money," say things like, "Mommy loves this job, it makes her happy."
If you decide to stay home:
- Make time for yourself: Being around your child all day can be tiring. Do something you enjoy, read a book, call a friend, or set aside a little time for yourself each day.
- Connect with other moms: Connect with other moms at home like you, have a chat, and play with your kids together. It will help you avoid loneliness .
Ultimately, this is your life, your family, your child. If the decision you make brings you, your husband, and your child happiness, it is the right decision . If you are feeling overwhelmed or anxious about this, talk to a trusted friend, family member, or your doctor , or a mental health counselor if necessary. It can be a great relief.
Take-Home Message
- There is no "right" or "wrong" answer to whether to go to work or stay home after having a baby . It's a personal decision.
- When making this decision, consider all three factors: your family's financial situation, the care your child receives, and your own mental well-being .
- Don't pay attention to what others say or criticize. Every family is different, every mother's situation is different.
- Whatever decision you make, don't feel guilty about it. A happy mother is the best mother for a child.
- If you are feeling stressed or anxious about this, don't be afraid to talk about it. Seek medical advice if necessary.
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