Domestic Violence? You are not alone.

Do you live in fear, sadness, and loneliness in your own home, the place where you should feel the most secure in the world? Do you live with someone who hurts you with every word, who throws things on the floor during every fight, and who sometimes raises an arm or a leg? This is not a problem that you are alone in. Domestic violence is a big problem that many people suffer in silence in Sri Lanka and around the world, but are afraid to talk about. So let's talk about this openly and in a friendly way today.

What exactly is Domestic Violence?

When we think of domestic violence, we often think of physical abuse and beatings. But it is much more than that. Simply put, it is any behavior that a person uses to intimidate, control, or manipulate their partner (most often women, but it can happen to men too). It is a matter of power and control.

There are different facets to this. Let's see what they are.

Why is this situation so serious?

The truth of the matter, as shown by surveys, is very sad. Imagine, a significant number of women who come to the emergency room (ETU) of hospitals come to seek treatment for injuries caused by domestic violence. But how many of them tell the doctor the real reason? Most often, they say things like "they slipped and fell down the stairs", "they got hurt while playing with their child".

Not only that, it is reported that a woman is much more likely to be harmed by her own current or former partner than by a stranger or a robber on the street. This is the harsh truth we need to understand.

The misconceptions that perpetuate this violence

Why do people suffer for years without leaving these relationships? One reason is because of some misconceptions in society. Eliminating these misconceptions is very important to solving this problem.

• "These are family issues, we shouldn't interfere." - This is the biggest mistake. Violence is never a personal matter. It is a crime. If someone is being abused, we have a responsibility as a society to intervene.
• "He has no control when he gets angry, that's why he hits." - This is also a misconception. Experts say that violence is not a loss of control , but an attempt to control the other person . The violent person knows exactly what he is doing. It is intentional.
• "If a woman had kept her mouth shut, this wouldn't have happened." - Violence is never the fault of the person being abused. Blaming the victim in this way only makes them feel more alone and helpless. No one has the right to abuse anyone for any reason.

How can you help yourself or someone you know?

Helping someone in this situation is a very sensitive matter.

If you are a victim of violence...

1. First, understand that this is not your fault. You don't need to be ashamed of this. You are not alone.

2. Talk to someone you trust. It could be your best friend, a relative, or a counselor. Sharing your feelings can be a great relief.

3. Make a Safety Plan. This is very important. If you have to leave home in an emergency, keep the things you need (birth certificates, ID cards, bank cards, children's documents, essential clothes, some money) in an easy-to-reach place. Think about a safe place to go.

4. Document what happens. Keep a record of the days, times, and events of the abuse. If there are injuries, take photos if possible. These can be very important in legal proceedings.

5. Ask for help. There are institutions in Sri Lanka that can help with this. You can file a complaint with the Women and Children's Bureau of the police . There are also NGOs that provide legal and counseling services. If you are injured, see a doctor immediately and get treatment.

How can you help someone you don't know?

• If you see or hear violence happening, report it to the police (119) immediately. It is your duty.
• If you suspect that a friend or relative is having this kind of problem, don't immediately embarrass them by asking them about it. Instead, speak very gently. Say something like, "I'm worried about you. I understand that there's something wrong. If you ever need to talk, I'm here."
• When they decide to talk, listen without judgment. Don't ask questions like, "Why are you still with him?" Instead, ask, "How do you need my help?"
• Support after the relationship ends. Research shows that survivors are at greatest risk after leaving an abusive relationship. So stay in touch with them during that time and check on their safety.

Domestic Violence, Domestic Violence, Violence against women, Psychological Violence, Physical Violence, Help, Safety, Connections