Tide, wi de tɔk bɔt sɔntin we rili impɔtant fɔ yu layf. Na skil we go ɛp yu ɔlsay—wit padi dɛn, na os, na wokples, ɔ we yu de stɔdi —in shot, ɔlsay we yu go. Dɛn kɔl dis skil Assertiveness . Yu go dɔn yɛri dis wɔd bifo. Fɔ tɔk am simpul wan, fɔ tɔk wetin yu de tɔk na we yu ebul fɔ tɔk wetin yu de tink, wetin yu nid, ɛn wetin yu tink ɔnɛs wan, klia wan, ɛn rɛspɛkt , ɛn nɔ du ɔda pipul dɛn bad ɔ nɔ mek yu nɔ gɛt bɛtɛ valyu fɔ yusɛf.
Wetin fɔ bi Assertive rili min?
Tink bɔt fɔ tɔk tru as we fɔ tɔk to pipul dɛn fayn fayn wan . Na di ebul we yu ebul fɔ tinap fɔ yusɛf ɛn kɔntinyu fɔ rɛspɛkt ɔda pipul dɛn. Wi kin gɛt bɔku bɔku tin dɛn ɛvride usay dis rili impɔtant—ilɛksɛf na fɔ tɔk bɔt wetin yu lɛk, fɔ aks ticha kwɛstyɔn, ɔ fɔ tɔk fayn fayn wan we yu de intavyu yu na yu wok ɔ na yunivasiti.
Bɔt, fɔ tɔk wetin pɔsin de tɔk nɔto ɔltɛm na tin we pɔsin kin gɛt we i bɔn. Sɔm pipul dɛn kin lɛk fɔ du tin tumɔs ; dɛn kin stɔp dɛn yon filin ɛn jɔs gri wit ɔlman fɔ mek dɛn nɔ gɛt cham-mɔt. Ɔda wan dɛn kin ledɔm fɔ bi tu agresiv ; dɛn kin put dɛn yon nid fɔs pas ɔl ɔda tin, bɔku tɛm dɛn kin tɔk pas ɔda pipul dɛn ɔ ala fɔ mek dɛn yɛri dɛn. Assertiveness na dat pafɛkt balans rayt na di midul.
Fɔ bi pɔsin we de tɔk tranga wan min se yu kin:
- Tɔk klia wan bɔt wetin yu tink ɛn aw yu de fil.
- Aks fɔ wetin yu nid klia wan.
- Nɔ gri wit ɔda pipul dɛn wit rɛspɛkt .
- Sheb yu aidia ɛn advays dɛn wit kɔnfidɛns.
- Se “nɔ” we yu nɔ fil gilti.
- Stand fɔ ɔda pipul dɛn we nid de.
Wetin mek dis impɔtant to wi?
We yu de tɔk to yu wit ɔl yu at, dat kin ɛp yu fɔ gɛt wetin yu nid, bɔt i kin dip pas dat. Fɔ bi pɔsin we de tɔk tranga wan min se yu valyu yusɛf jɔs lɛk aw yu valyu di wan dɛn we de arawnd yu.
Pipul dɛn we de tɔk se dɛn de tɔk, kin sho se dɛn gɛt kɔnfidɛns ɛn dɛn biliv dɛnsɛf. Dɛn nɔ de fred, ɛn dɛn nɔ de buldoz ɔda pipul dɛn. Dɛn no se di we aw dɛn de fil ɛn di tin dɛn we dɛn de tink bɔt gɛt gud tin fɔ du. Dɛn gɛt strɔng tin fɔ biliv pan dɛnsɛf .
Bɔku tɛm, i kin izi fɔ pipul dɛn we de tɔk tranga wan fɔ mek padi biznɛs bikɔs dɛn kin tɔk to dɛnsɛf di we we go rɛspɛkt wetin dɛn nid ɛn wetin ɔda pipul dɛn nid. Dɛn sabi bak fɔ sɔlv prɔblɛm dɛn ɛn tin dɛn we dɛn nɔ gri wit. We yu trit ɔda pipul dɛn wit rɛspɛkt, yu de gɛt dɛn rɛspɛkt bak.
Pasiv, Agresiv, ɔ Jɔs Rayt?
Aw yu go no usay yu fɔdɔm pan di assertiveness skel? Na sɔm ɛgzampul dɛn ya:
Nimali (Too Passive): If yu aks Nimali us fim i wan wach, i go mɔs se, “A nɔ no... wetin yu go lɛk?” I kin lɛf ɔda pipul dɛn fɔ disayd fɔ du sɔntin, bɔt leta i kin vɛks we dɛn nɔ pe atɛnshɔn to wetin i lɛk. I kin tray tranga wan fɔ mek dɛn yɛri am na grup, ɛn we i de tray fɔ kɔntribyut, i kin tɔk saful saful dat bɔku tɛm dɛn kin tɔk bɔt am.
Surekha (Too Aggressive): Surekha nɔ gɛt prɔblɛm fɔ tɔk wetin i de tink, bɔt i de du am lawd wan, ɛn i de kɔntrol insɛf. Bɔku tɛm, i kin hajɛkɛ di tɔk, i kin ambɔg ɔda pipul dɛn, ɛn i nɔ kin lisin tumɔs. If i nɔ gri wit yu, i kin mek pipul dɛn no bɔt am—bɔku tɛm na bay we i de provok am ɔ bay we i de mek yu fil bad. I gɛt gud nem fɔ bi bɔsman ɛn i nɔ de tink bɔt ɔda pipul dɛn.
Chamal (Assertive): If yu aks Chamal fɔ in opinion, i de sheb am ɔnɛs wan. If i nɔ gri wit yu, i kin tɔk am klia wan—bɔt i nɔ de put yu dɔŋ ɔ mek yu fil bad. Chamal rili intres pan di we aw yu de si tin ɛn i de lisin tranga wan. Ivin we i nɔ gri, yu stil de fil se i rɛspɛkt wetin yu tink.
Di kɔnsɛkshɔn fɔ bi tu pasiv...
Bɔku tɛm, di wan dɛn we nɔ de du tin tumɔs kin fil lɛk se ɔda pipul dɛn de tek advantej pan dɛn. Dis kin mek wi fil bad, vɛks, ɔ fil bad.
We yu kip yu tink ɛn filin lɔk, ɔda pipul dɛn nɔ kin ebul fɔ no ɔ ɔndastand di rial yu. Dɔn bak, yu grup de mis di valyu we yu spɛshal aydia ɛn advays dɛn gɛt.
If yu bigin fil se wetin yu de tink ɔr de fil nɔr impɔtant, yu kin gɛt kɔnfidɛns pan yusɛf ( Kɔnfidɛns ) kin go dɔŋ. Apat frɔm dat, yu de mis di rɛkɔgnishɔn we yu fɔ gɛt fɔ di kɔntribyushɔn dɛn we yu dɔn gi. As tɛm de go, dis kin ivin mek pɔsin gɛt tin dɛn lɛk pwɛl hat .
Mɛmba se: Yu vɔys valyu. Nɔ mek i nɔ tɔk natin!
Wetin kin apin if yu de fɛt tumɔs?
Bɔku tɛm, i nɔ kin izi fɔ di wan dɛn we de du tin tumɔs fɔ mek dɛn gɛt gud padi biznɛs. We dɛn de kɔntrol di tɔk dɛn ɛn fos dɛn opinion pan ɔda pipul dɛn, dɛn de mek pipul dɛn fil se dɛn nɔ de tek dɛn mek natin ɛn dɛn nɔ de rɛspɛkt dɛn.
Pan ɔl we wan agresiv stayl kin mek pɔsin gɛt wetin i want fɔ shɔt tɛm, bɔku tɛm i kin mek ɔda pipul dɛn nɔ gri wit am ɔ i kin vɛks. Dɔn, dɛn kɔmpin dɛn nɔ de rɛspɛkt dɛn igen.
Wetin mek nɔto ɔlman de tɔk tranga wan?
Wetin mek sɔm pipul dɛn kin du tin we nɔ de du natin ɔ we de mek dɛn vɛks? Wan men tin we kin mek wi biev na di kayn pɔsin we i bi . Di abit dɛn we wi gɛt ɛn di tin dɛn we kin apin to wi na layf kin ɛp bak. Bɔku tɛm wi kin lan fɔ bi pɔsin we nɔ de du natin, we de mek wi vɛks, ɔ we wi de wach di pipul dɛn we de arawnd wi, mɔ di wan dɛn we mɛn wi.
Na sɔm rizin dɛn we mek pɔsin kin du tin tumɔs :
- Na we dɛn nɔ biliv dɛnsɛf ɔ we dɛn nɔ valyu dɛn yon opinion.
- Wan nid we pasmak fɔ mek ɔda pipul dɛn gladi ɔ fɔ mek ɔlman lɛk am.
- Fɔ wɔri bɔt aw ɔda pipul dɛn go biev we dɛn de tink, ɔ fɔ fred se dɛn nɔ go gri fɔ tek dɛn.
- High sensitivity to criticism, ɔr wan istri bɔt aw dɛn dɔn dismis dɛn filin ɔr sɔfa fɔ rijek .
- A nɔ gɛt divɛlɔp skil dɛn fɔ no aw fɔ bi asɛftiv.
Tin dɛm wae kin mek pɔrsin de vɛks tumɔs na:
- Fɔ gɛt kɔnfidɛns pasmak ɔ fɔ mek prawd.
- Fɔ pe atɛnshɔn pasmak pan wetin dɛn nid ɛn fɔ want fɔ fos ɔda pipul dɛn wetin dɛn want.
- We pɔsin nɔ lan aw fɔ rɛspɛkt ɔ tink bɔt wetin ɔda pipul dɛn nid ɛn wetin dɛn tink.
- Wan nɔr de praktis fɔ lisin aktif wan ɛn aks fɔ ɔda pipul dɛn input.
Na dis na wetin de ɛp pɔsin fɔ muf fɔ bi pɔsin we rili de tɔk to am :
- Fɔ gɛt strɔng kɔnfidɛns pan yusɛf .
- Fɔ biliv se di tin dɛn we yu de tink ɛn di we aw yu de fil na tru ɛn yu gɛt rayt fɔ tɔk bɔt am.
- Resilience —di ebul fɔ handle criticism, rejection, ɛn setbacks gracefully.
- Fɔ rɛspɛkt wetin ɔda pipul dɛn want ɛn wetin dɛn nid.
- Fɔ gɛt fayn fayn ɛgzampul fɔ asɛf.
- Fɔ no se di tin dɛn we yu de tink bɔt ɛn di we aw yu de tɔk to dɛnsɛf wit ɔl yu at, pipul dɛn bin valyu am trade.
Aw yu go bi pɔsin we de tɔk tranga wan?
Fɔ bi pɔsin we de tɔk tranga wan min se yu fɔ praktis fɔ tɔk to pipul dɛn ɛn fɔ gɛt wɛlbɔdi. Pan ɔl we sɔm pipul dɛn kin tɔk se na tru, ɔda wan dɛn kin nid fɔ praktis mɔ . Bɔt ɔlman kin ebul fɔ du dis wok fayn fayn wan.
Na dis na aw fɔ du am:
Fɔs, tink bɔt di we aw yu de tɔk to pipul dɛn naw—yu nɔ de du natin, yu de fɛt, ɔ yu de tɔk to pipul dɛn? Disid if yu nid fɔ ridyus di we aw yu de du tin, fɔ mek yu nɔ ebul fɔ fɛt, ɔ fɔ mek yu nɔ gɛt bɛtɛ asɛstiv kwaliti dɛn mɔ.
Fɔ ridyus pasiv ɛn inkrisayz asɛftivnɛs:
- Yu fɔ mɛmba wetin yu de tink, aw yu de fil, ɛn wetin yu lɛk. Yusɛf fɔ no bɔt dɛn tin ya bifo yu ebul fɔ tɛl ɔda pipul dɛn bɔt dɛn.
- Notis if bɔku tɛm yu kin ansa kwɛstyɔn dɛn wit "A nɔ no," "A nɔ min," ɔ "Ɛnitin we fayn." Stɔp fɔ du dis. Praktis fɔ tɔk wetin yu lɛk, ivin pan smɔl tin dɛn. Fɔ ɛgzampul, if dɛn aks yu se, "Yu lɛk di grɛn wan ɔ di rɛd wan?" yu kin se, "A lɛk di grɔn wan—tanki."
- Praktis fɔ aks fɔ sɔntin. Fɔ ɛgzampul: "Yu kin duya pas mi wan spun?" "A nid pen; enibodi get spay?" "A kin duya gɛt sidɔm ples?" Dis kin mek yu gɛt kɔnfidɛns fɔ mek yu aks fɔ mɔ impɔtant tin dɛn leta.
- Tɔk wetin yu tink . Tɔk bɔt wetin yu tink bɔt fim ɔ tɔpik, ɛn ɛksplen wetin mek yu de fil da we de.
- Praktis fɔ yuz "A-stetmɛnt" lɛk "A want...", "A go lɛk...", ɔ "A fil...".
- Fɛn pɔsin we yu go falamakata ɛn we de tɔk tranga wan—pɔsin we nɔ de push pɔsin ɔ we nɔ de fɛt pasmak. Si if yu kin mirɔ dɛn bɛst abit dɛn.
- Mɛmba yusɛf se di tin dɛn we yu de tink ɛn tink bɔt impɔtant jɔs lɛk ɔlman. Fɔ no yu yon valyu na di fawndeshɔn fɔ asɛf, we de balans fɔ rɛspɛkt yusɛf wit rɛspɛkt fɔ ɔda pipul dɛn.
Fɔ ridyus di agreshɔn ɛn fɔ mek pipul dɛn de tɔk mɔ bɔt dɛnsɛf:
- Mek ples fɔ ɔda pipul dɛn fɔ tɔk.
- Chek if yu de ambɔg ɔda pipul dɛn. If yu kech yusɛf de du am, jɔs se, "O, a sɔri—duya go bifo," ɛn lɛ di ɔda pɔsin dɔn.
- Aks ɔda pipul dɛn opinion ɛn rili lisin to di ansa dɛn we dɛn de gi.
- We yu nɔ gri, tray fɔ tɔk bɔt am ɛn nɔ put di ɔda pɔsin smɔl. Bifo yu se, "Dat na stupid aidia," tray se, "A nɔ rili gri wit da we de." Bifo yu atak pɔsin in kɔlchɔ, pe atɛnshɔn pan di we aw i de biev: "A fil lɛk se dɛn nɔ de tink bɔt aw ɔda pipul dɛn de si tin."
- Fɛn pɔsin fɔ falamakata we de balans di we aw pɔsin de tɔk fayn ɛn tray fɔ mirɔ di we aw dɛn de du tin wit rɛspɛkt.
Ivin di wan dɛn we natin nɔ de du natin kin kɔntinyu fɔ impɔtant:
- Kɔntinyu fɔ luk fɔ pipul dɛn we go falamakata yu . Lanin na tin we yu go du fɔ yu layf, ilɛk usay yu bigin!
- No ustɛm yu kin tɔk tranga wan . Pipul dɛn kin biev difrɛn we pan difrɛn tin dɛn. Bɔku pan dɛn kin si am izi fɔ tɔk tranga wan wit dɛn padi dɛn bɔt dɛn kin strɛs wit pipul dɛn we gɛt pawa ɔ pipul dɛn we dɛn jɔs sabi. We yu gɛt prɔblɛm, aks yusɛf se, “Aw a go ebul fɔ sɔlv dis if a de tɔk to mi bɛst padi?”
We yu tɔk to yu wit ɔl yu at, dat de sho se yu abop pan yusɛf. Fɔ mek yu ebul fɔ tɔk tranga wan na impɔtant tin fɔ mek yu bi yu bɛst pɔsin!
Yu mɛsej we yu de kɛr go na os
A op se yu dɔn ɔndastand klia wan naw bɔt asɛf. Mɛmba se dis nɔ kin apin wan nɛt. Bɔt if yu de praktis ɔltɛm, yu go mɔs si fayn chenj.
- Di we aw yu de fil, di tin dɛn we yu de tink bɔt, ɛn di tin dɛn we yu nid, na tru. Nɔ ayd dɛn.
- Nɔ bi pɔsin we nɔ de du natin ɔ we de fɛt. Dɛn tu stayl ya gɛt dɛn bad tin dɛn.
- Fɔ tɔk tru min fɔ tɔk ɔnɛs ɛn rɛspɛkt yusɛf ɛn ɔda pipul dɛn.
- Start smɔl. Praktis bay we yu de tɔk simpul tin dɛn lɛk, "A rili lɛk dis wan pas da wan de."
- Lisin gud wan to ɔda pipul dɛn. Fɔ tɔk tru na tu we fɔ tɔk, nɔto jɔs bɔt yu yon vɔys.
- Nɔ fil gilti if yu mek mistek ɔ nid fɔ se "nɔ."
Tray fɔ put dɛn smɔl smɔl abit dɛn ya insay yu layf ɛvride. I nɔ go te igen yu go notis se yu padi biznɛs de go bifo ɛn yu go gɛt mɔ pis insay yusɛf. Best of lak frɔm Nirogi Lanka!
Kɔmyunikeshɔn, Mental Ɛlth , Assertiveness, Self-confidence, Intapɔsɔnal rilayshɔnship, Imɔshɔn Manejmɛnt , Wɛlbɔdi Layf Stayl
