Does your partner also have ADHD? Let's find out about the impact this has on your marriage (ADHD and Marriage)

If your spouse has ADHD ( Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), you may have noticed that your marriage can sometimes be challenging. You may be wondering, "Why does he forget what I say so often?", "Why doesn't he pay attention to the little things?", "Doesn't he care about me?". This is not just your problem. Many people who live with someone with ADHD experience these feelings. In addition, the person with ADHD may also feel a lot of sadness and guilt about their condition. Today, we'll talk about why this happens, how to understand that it's not your fault, and how to overcome these challenges and make your relationship even more beautiful.

The main challenges in marriage due to ADHD

To understand the root cause of these problems, we need to know a little about the nature of someone with ADHD. Simply put, someone with this condition may typically have these characteristics:

• Easily distracted: Even the slightest noise can distract you while you are working.
• Forgetting things quickly: You often forget things like things you were told to do, important dates, and certain things you were told to bring.
• Impulsive: Makes decisions quickly without thinking about the consequences, gets angry quickly, and says whatever comes to mind right away.
• It is difficult to stay in one place, there is a constant restlessness (Rest LES s): It is difficult to sit in one place for a long time, there is constant shaking of the limbs, and there is a visible restlessness.

Because of these characteristics, major challenges like these can arise in married life.

One party becoming the "Caretaker"

Often, someone with ADHD will choose a partner who is very neat and organized. That's natural. But over time, the person without ADHD will start to take on not only household chores and children's chores, but also their partner's chores.

Imagine, because the man with ADHD forgets to get ready for work in the morning, the woman wakes up early in the morning, lays out his clothes , makes his breakfast, and constantly reminds him when he needs to leave. We call this "overhelping." That means helping too much.

Creating a relationship like "parent and child"

When the previously mentioned "caretaker" role goes a little further, the relationship begins to resemble "parent and child." The person without ADHD begins to scold, blame, and impose rules on the person with ADHD, just like a mother or father.

For example, you might say, "How many times have I told you that today is the last day to pay the electricity bill? Don't you have any responsibility for this house?" It's not that a person with ADHD is actually irresponsive. But this condition makes it difficult for him to remember things. But when he hears this kind of scolding, he might respond by folding his arms on his hips, stamping his feet on the ground, and rolling his eyes like a little child . This only makes the problem worse, not solved.

Problems in sexual life

These problems can also affect your sexual relationship. There are several reasons for this.

How to keep a relationship strong?

Okay, so how do we deal with these challenges? Don't worry. We can both manage these things together.

Practice Self-care

This is especially important for a partner who doesn't have ADHD . Taking care of everything can wear you down mentally and physically. So do these things:

• Sleep well: Try to get 7-8 hours of sleep a day.
• Eat nutritious foods: Eat a balanced diet.
• Exercise : Do something like walking for at least 30 minutes a day.
• Take some time for yourself: This may seem difficult, but for 15 minutes a day, ask your spouse to take care of the kids for a while and do something you enjoy. Read a book, listen to a song, or have a quiet cup of tea.
• Keep a journal: Write down your anger, sadness, and frustrations. It will give you a lot of relief.

Set Boundaries

Decide in advance how you will respond to the forgetfulness and impulsiveness of the person with ADHD. Make a list of 'I will do this, I will not do this.' For example:

• I listen calmly.
• I empathize with him.
• I 'm not going to 'save' him from the consequences of something he did. (e.g. if he has to pay a fine for a forgotten bill, let him do it himself).
• If I get really angry, I go a little distance from that place and calm down.

Work together as a team.

Talk about your strengths and weaknesses. Divide the work accordingly. If one person is good at cooking, the other person can help bring groceries and clean the kitchen while they cook. If there is something that is difficult for both of you, delegate it to someone else if possible. For example, if you have difficulty managing money, use a good money management app. Write down the tasks you need to do on a large calendar and hang it up where everyone can see it.

Follow medical advice.

It is extremely important for a partner with ADHD to take their medication exactly as prescribed. These medications can help control ADHD symptoms to a great extent. If you are having trouble with your medication, talk to your doctor about switching to a different medication. You may also need to change the time you take your medication.

Make Things Visible

There are small things that can make life easier for both of you. Make a to-do list and put sticky notes on the mirror. Label drawers and cupboards. Use a shared online calendar that you both can see. Things like this can greatly reduce forgetfulness.

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