We make decisions in our lives. Some of them are very simple. Making decisions like what to wear today or what biscuit to buy at the store is not that difficult. But, the decision "Should we have a baby now?" is much deeper, much bigger, isn't it? This is a big responsibility that two people have to take together. It's not good to rush into making this decision. That's why I'm writing this article to help you find out if you're really ready for this big journey.
"When my husband and I started thinking about having a baby, we were in Colombo. Both of our parents lived in the village. I wondered if it would be right to have a baby so far away from them. I also like to walk a lot and go out with friends. I was also afraid that once a baby comes, that lifestyle would be lost. The biggest issue was money. Will we be able to afford these expenses?" This is a question that many young couples ask in our country. There are couples who have been thinking about this for months, maybe even years, with many questions like this. So how do you know for sure if you are ready now? If you can both answer "yes" to the four questions below, you may be more ready than you think.
1. Is your relationship strong?
Strong doesn't mean a perfect relationship, with no problems . There are no such relationships. But, can you both communicate well with each other and solve problems? Do you respect each other? Do you share household chores and responsibilities? These are the important things.
A baby is not a solution to the problems between two people. Instead, it is a blessing that strengthens a strong relationship.
Sometimes couples have minor disagreements about money, sex, and parenting issues. It's important to resolve these issues as much as possible before having a baby. Because these minor issues are more likely to become bigger with the stress and busyness that comes with having a baby. So, first strengthen the foundation of your relationship. If you're planning to have a baby on your own, consider having a strong support system of family or friends to help you.
2. Is it possible to make up your mind for a life beyond your career?
While the responsibilities of a father increase after the arrival of a baby, the challenges a mother faces are even greater. These include the physical fatigue and discomfort of pregnancy, as well as the mental stress that comes with the decision of whether or not to return to work after having a baby. Many mothers feel guilty, wondering, "Will I be unfair to my baby if I go back to work?"
Therefore, you two need to sit down together and talk about this before you even get pregnant .
- Does anyone quit their job after having a baby ?
- Or do you both go to work?
- If that's the case, who will take care of the baby? (Will they get help from their parents? Or will they hire someone? Will they put them in daycare?)
These are very sensitive decisions, so planning ahead can save you a lot of stress later.
3. Are you aware of maternity/paternity leave at your workplace?
Not all organizations in Sri Lanka have the same maternity/paternity leave policy. The laws in the government and private sectors are different. There are also differences between organizations in the same private sector. Therefore, both of you should check with the HR department of your organizations to find out more about this.
- How many days of maternity leave do you get? (paid/unpaid)
- How many days of paternity leave does your partner get?
- If this vacation time is not enough, can you add it to your annual leave?
- Are there other short-term vacation options?
It is very important to be aware of this in advance and make a plan, such as saving some money to deal with it if necessary. The first few months after having a baby are very precious. Such plans will help you spend that time calmly and happily with your baby.
4. Are you financially prepared?
Don't be afraid to ask this question. "Financial readiness" doesn't mean you have to have a two-story house, two cars, and all your credit cards paid off. If you wait until that happens, you'll never have to have a baby.
However, you should be able to save enough money from your monthly income to cover the basic needs of a baby. Simply put, you should have a rough idea of the daily expenses of a baby (diapers, formula, clothes), medical expenses, and the costs of taking care of the baby.
| Expense type | Things to think about |
|---|---|
| One-time expenses (One-time Costs) | Basic expenses such as baby's cot, clothes, bathing equipment, and stroller. |
| Monthly expenses (Monthly Costs) | Diapers, formula/food, doctor's fees, medicine, payments to a babysitter/place. |
| Emergency expenses (Emergency Costs) | Having a little money saved for the unexpected, in case you have to be hospitalized due to an emergency. |
It's normal to feel a little scared when you think about all this. But remember, this is a challenge that every parent in the world faces. The most important thing is that you two talk about it together and work together to come up with a plan.
Take-Home Message
- Having a baby is a very personal decision. Don't make this decision based on what others say or because of societal pressure. Make this decision when it feels right for both of you.
- Before taking on the responsibility of a baby, strengthen your relationship. Listen to and understand each other.
- Talk openly about career, lifestyle, and finances. Share both hopes and fears.
- Not everything has to be 100% perfect, but with a good plan and strong support for each other, you can face any challenge.
- If you still have doubts or questions about this, talk to a trusted family member, friend, or your doctor .
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