When you're about to have a baby , or when you're thinking about having a baby, it's normal to feel a little scared and nervous. "Will I be a good mother/father?", "Will I be able to handle this responsibility properly?", "How can I learn to take care of the baby without causing him any harm?" Many questions may come to mind. We often think of a baby as a very loving, beautiful dream. But do we really understand that inside that dream there is a big difference and a big responsibility that we have to face as two people?
It's true that no one can be 100% prepared for the profound experience of becoming a mother or father. However, experts say that the more you talk about what it means to be a mother and a father before you get pregnant, the easier it will be to adjust to your new life after having a baby. So, today, let's talk about the things you and your partner need to talk about before you decide to have a baby.
Things to consider before a 'Pregnancy Test' is 'Positive'
"A lot of couples don't think about the reality of having a baby before they have one," says Dr. John Queenan, an obstetrician-gynecologist. "They don't think about the loss of their independence, the sudden increase in expenses, and what they'll do if the baby gets sick if both of them work."
But that's changing. Doctors now view pregnancy not just as a nine-month event, but as a year-long process. That means it's important to prepare both physically and mentally before you get pregnant. Before you even think about getting pregnant, it's important to think about whether you're mentally ready as a parent, says Dr. Larry Culpepper, a family medicine specialist.
Nowadays, some hospitals and maternity care centers even offer special preconception classes that cover topics such as balancing work and family, the impact of having a baby on your relationship, and how to discipline your children.
The decisions made after this conversation may differ from person to person.
- Some people might think, "Okay, we both need to prepare for these things now."
- Others will understand, "No, we're not ready for such a big lifestyle change yet."
- Others feel that they need to gain basic knowledge as parents before taking on the responsibilities of a newborn baby.
The most important thing is to talk openly about everything from the beginning. That conversation will help you decide whether to have a baby or not. Also, if there are differences of opinion, trying to resolve them early will help avoid many big problems that could arise later.
The journey to becoming a parent is not as easy as you think.
The journey of parenthood is challenging, so any issues you can discuss and resolve before the baby arrives will be one less problem to deal with during the endless tasks of a newborn.
New parents face a lot of financial, emotional, physical, and sexual stress . But parents who set realistic expectations at the beginning can help them navigate this transition. A study by Professor Jay Belsky found that 50% of couples drift apart after having a baby . About 12%-13% of couples experience so much conflict that they begin to lose trust in each other and their marriage. 30% of couples maintain their relationship, but only 19% of couples become closer.
"A lot of people think that having a baby will make a couple more connected, but that's rarely the case," says Belsky. "It's often just a case of increasing the amount of disagreement between the two of you. It's like learning a new dance routine and suddenly increasing the tempo of the song."
Therefore, if the two of you don't come together and talk honestly about things like "Why do we want to have a baby?" and "How different are our opinions?", there is a high chance of misunderstandings and pressure.
| Things you and your partner should talk about before having a baby | |
|---|---|
| Title | Questions to think about |
| Sharing responsibilities | How do we share the baby's chores (changing diapers, bathing, getting up at night)? How do we share the household chores? |
| Money and work | How will we manage the expenses of the baby (medical tests, clothes, food)? Will the mother take a break from work for a while? Are we prepared for the impact on income if that happens? |
| Our goals as parents | What kind of discipline do we want to give our child? Do we share the same views on religious/cultural values? What are our expectations for education? |
| Our relationship | Will we both have time to spend alone time after the baby arrives? How can we keep our relationship strong? What are our fears and hopes? |
Prepare to be amazed!
No matter how much you talk and plan, unexpected things can happen. You need to be prepared for that too. Having a child is no guarantee of the baby's temperament or how you will respond to new experiences as a parent.
"We always talk about getting to know our baby. But what's even more important is getting to know yourself as a mother. You're meeting a whole new person," says one mother.
That's why it's so important to talk about and agree on things you can control in advance. That way, when things you can't control and don't expect come up, you won't be overwhelmed by them all.
Just because two people agree doesn't mean everything will go smoothly. For example, let's say that one of the partners decides that it's important for them to stay home to take care of the baby. The husband's job brings in more income, so the wife decides to work from home. When the baby gets sick, the wife has to adjust her schedule. Even if this has been discussed and decided in advance, sometimes she may feel, "I have to do everything myself when I have a deadline." It's normal to feel this way. What's important is that there is open communication between the two of you about this.
Being a good parent doesn't happen automatically. It's something that needs to be learned. It may seem a little strange to think about these things before having a baby. But we need to seriously consider how much time, how much energy, and how much dedication it takes to be a parent.
With all of this said, don't worry that you don't have all the answers. Before the baby is born, it's a great time to start this process. But it's a process. "Fortunately, a newborn baby really needs a few things. They need to eat, they need love and care, they need to be clean," says Barbara Schofield, a pediatric health educator. "That's the beauty of it. We don't have to have all the answers right away. By starting to talk about these questions early, we can make our first year a little easier."
Take-Home Message
- Becoming a parent is one of the biggest changes in your life, and it's essential to prepare for it both physically and mentally .
- Before getting pregnant, talk honestly and openly with your partner about money, sharing responsibilities, work, fears, and hopes.
- This conversation is very important to minimize future disagreements and pressures.
- It's normal to not have all the answers at the beginning. What's important is to start that conversation.
- If you have any doubts or are feeling stressed about this, talk to your doctor about it. They will give you the right guidance.
💬 අදහස් (0)
තවමත් කිසිදු අදහසක් පළ කර නොමැත. ඔබේ අදහස පළමු වරට මෙහි එක් කරන්න.
ඔබේ අදහස එක් කරන්න