Nowadays, parents are very worried about their children, aren't they? Will the person who is supposed to take care of the little one when you go to work take care of him properly? Is the child who went to school really in school? What is he looking at on the Internet? Because of such questions, some parents are tempted to monitor their children with the help of technology. But will this bring peace of mind, or will it further complicate the relationship with the child? Let's talk about this in a little more depth.
Is the "peace of mind" that comes from technology real?
Today, there are amazing technological devices for monitoring children. Small cameras that can be installed secretly in the home (`nannycams`), software that lists every website a child visits, or `GPS` devices that can be hidden in a child's bag or watch and show their exact location are just a few of the many. Those who sell these devices say that they can greatly relieve the burden on busy parents.
In fact, sometimes electronic monitoring can be very useful. Imagine that you have someone at home to look after your little one while you go to work. But you have a big doubt in your mind. We have heard of parents who were able to catch a moment like this because of a camera installed in the house, leaving their child crying all day while the caregiver was busy with other things. Also, some daycare centers now provide parents with the facility to see their child through a `Webcam`. It is a pleasure for parents to see how their child is spending their day even while they are working.
Is it an invasion of privacy?
Despite these positive aspects, many parents view these devices with skepticism. Some mothers say, "I find these things very strange and scary . If our mothers were spying on us like that, we would run away from home." According to them, the fear in the minds of parents who use such devices only increases.
Especially, observing a child who is doing well and not making any mistakes in this way is like encouraging him to make mistakes. It makes the child think, "Mom and Dad don't trust me."
The question psychologists ask is, "Are you doing this for the child's good, or are you doing this to satisfy your own doubts and unnecessary curiosity?" You need to think twice about it.
Faith or observation? How this changes with age
The most important thing we need to understand here is that we should treat a teenager , not a small child.
Small children
Simply put, a 3-4 year old child doesn't have a great sense of privacy. So it might be fun for the child to see their parents watching their child at kindergarten through a `Webcam`. They might be happy to say, "Mommy, I'm watching you play."
Young children (Teenagers)
But, a young child is a completely different story. That's the age when they're a little bit further away from their parents and trying to establish their own identity. They need some freedom. They make mistakes, but they learn from those mistakes. So, secretly observing a child at this age completely destroys their trust in you. It's like saying to their face, "You're a thief, I don't trust you."
You can get a good idea about this from this table.
| Situation | Appropriate or Inappropriate? |
|---|---|
| If you have doubts about the person taking care of a small child | It may be temporarily appropriate to confirm the suspicion. |
| Providing Webcam facilities at a daycare with the awareness of all parents | Usually there is no problem. It is an open process. |
| Secretly observing a young, well-behaved child with no problems | Very inappropriate. This completely breaks trust and encourages rebellious behavior in the child. |
| If the child is involved in a serious problem such as drugs or theft | It may be appropriate, with the agreement of both parties, to talk openly with the child and as part of a program to rebuild trust. |
If you're going to observe, you need to do it the right way.
Okay, so let's say your child has seriously violated your trust. For example, you find out that they are using drugs , lying, or getting into bad company. In a situation like this, these devices can be useful while the child is on probation. But there are some important rules to follow.
Experts say never to do these things secretly . That will only make the situation worse.
Instead, you should talk to your child about this openly. Explain, "Son/daughter, because of what you did, I have lost the trust I had in you. Until that trust is restored, I will have to monitor you in this way for your safety." This should not be presented as a punishment, but as something you do to rebuild the trust that has been lost.
Why are parents under so much pressure?
Why do parents feel like doing these things? One reason is the busy lifestyle of today. Parents are under a lot of pressure with work problems and the cost of living. Therefore, they have less time to spend with their children. Children are not like they used to be, they are running around from morning till night with classes, tuition, and sports training. Because of this, the relationship between parents and children is gradually becoming distant.
Because of this distance, parents turn to technology to find out what's going on in their child's life. But what they really need to do is different.
Sometimes, when your child talks about their favorite music, movies, and games, you may find those things boring. But, listen carefully even when they talk about things that are not that important to you . That's when they will have enough trust and connection to talk to you about serious issues like drugs or sex. It's more important to come to a place where they are invited rather than sneaking into your child's life.
Take-Home Message
- Think twice before using monitoring devices. This can destroy the most valuable thing you have with your child: trust .
- There is a big difference between a toddler and a teenager. Allowing young children privacy and freedom is essential for their healthy mental development.
- If observation is necessary in a situation where the child's trust has been seriously broken (e.g., drug use), tell the child this openly and only do it as part of a trust-rebuilding process.
- Never secretly monitor your child. It will only worsen the relationship and prevent you from resolving the problem.
- Build a strong relationship with your child. Listen attentively to what is going on in their world. This will make it easier for them to talk to you about any problems. If there is a problem, talk to your doctor about referring your child for psychological counseling.
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